Wednesday, 23 October 2013


No one likes change, yet we all experience it at some point.

Much has been written about change - embracing it, accepting it, making the best of it. There are numerous charts and diagrams to illustrate the stages of change and how best to manage it.

All of which is helpful, to a point, though as I sprawl in the Boudoir, recovering from my own latest change, I find I have little use for a bar graph, no matter how nicely drawn.

There have been many changes since I began blogging here back in 2007. (2007! I can hardly believe it's that long ago.) Many of the bloggers who so influenced me back then have disappeared into the mists of time, as have my reasons for baiting them so.

Much of what was important to me then is not important to me now. People who were important to me then are now hazy memories and I struggle to recall why I cared so much at the time.

Some things never change though. A quick trawl through the most popular sex blogs of the moment highlight the timeless, typical posts that feel so familiar: a sex toy review, an artfully cropped nudie arse pic, an impenetrable angsty "literary" piece from a sensitive dom and the inevitable self referential lists of sex bloggers, sex blogs and posts of the week.

The only significant change I could spot was the proliferation of explicit gifs in the ads which sprout unchecked along the text I wish to read, as welcome and enticing as a crop of genital warts.

Was it ever thus or have I just been away too long?

Friday, 2 August 2013

Luka in Limbo

And by that I don't mean I am taking part in a traditional dance contest in Trinidad. Which is a shame, as that would be much more fun and would probably involve an exotic alcoholic beverage served with a sparkler and me in a coconut bra.

No, I have been up on blocks, decommissioned, out of action for some time now while I wait for medical professionals to get me sorted out and back to fighting fitness. Sadly this has left me feeling disinterested in the world of sex blogging, sex bloggers, sex, blogging and blogs which is a bad thing for an (anti) sex blogger. My new interests of medical internet research, napping and angst are not appropriate blog fodder for this genre, although my experiences with latex gloves, probes and nurses might make the grade if I put it through the sex blogger filter (i.e. lie about the actual sexy content of this event entirely).

I don't ask for sympathy, just gifts of wine, chocolate and cheese. I will settle for humorous comments or emails. Actually, I'll settle for unfunny comments or emails as I do get very, very bored when I am confined to the sofa, languishing in limbo. On the plus side - or negative side, if you think I am the type of talentless, ill-mannered oaf who should not be allowed near an etch-a-sketch let alone a keyboard -  as I improve I am more likely to start writing again. There may be more posts! Imagine that.*

*If you don't want to imagine that - and, frankly, it isn't worth the mental effort, I agree - then why not delve into my moistly welcoming archives to fully experience the joy of text.

Saturday, 9 February 2013

Ten Things You Never Knew About...

...This Blog
  1. Originally titled "Look at My Arse" this was a blog purely devised for cheap thrills and quick hits. Once Luka discovered how tough the competition was in terms of arse attractiveness she rapidly rethought the entire project. Renaming her blog Barbed Wire Boudoir Luka decided to concentrate on writing bad poetry, showing off her cleavage and doing her best to annoy those bloggers with really nice arses.
  2. Barbed Wire Boudoir has won more awards than any other satirical sex blog.
  3. Luka would have preferred the equivalent in cash for absolutely every award she has received. (Two).
  4. All posts on Barbed Wire Boudoir originate from observations duly noted down in a Moleskine Notebook. In crayon.
  5. Luka receives more emails from people who are ignoring her than from any other source. 
  6. Luka has been approached many times by producers who are keen to adapt the Boudoir for film, TV or the stage but budgetary constraints have stalled these projects so far. No one can afford the special effects, extravagent costumes or pies that Luka insists are intergral to her work.
  7. Barbed Wire Boudoir was once mentioned in the Icelandic soap opera Sudser in an exciting episode where Erik pretends to forget Jorvik's birthday but surprises him later with a candlelit dinner and a novelty cucumber.
  8. At least three couples met through the comments box at Barbed Wire Boudoir, leading to one wedding, one acrimonius breakup and one fist fight behind the skip outside Darlington's Premier Inn.
  9. No animals were harmed in the making of this blog. Apart from a couple of spiders and a fish.
  10. Every time you think the Boudoir has closed its doors for good and Luka has finally fucked off it lurches back like an extra from the Walking Dead.