- The longest wank session in history was by 15 year old Kevin Spodder who, while left alone at home after his parents won a luxury round the world cruise on a TV gameshow, indulged in a 91 day tugathon. During this time Kevin only left his room and laptop to order pizza, fetch more loo roll and go to the lavatory. His amazing feat was not without personal cost - he suffered terribly from dehydration and chafing - but Kevin staunchly maintains that if his parents were, once more, to leave the house for an extended period he would do it all again.
- While it is commonly believed that humans are so highly developed we enjoy sex for fun whereas animals have sex mainly for procreation the reality is that many species apart from man indulge in masturbation. Female dolphins, for example, have been observed using mackerel as masturbatory aids, whereas orangutans fashion dildos from wood or bark. The proof of the high intelligence of these mammals is not that they use sex toys for solo pleasure but that they refrain from endlessly reviewing them afterwards.
- Masturbation is directly responsible for the development and continued enhancement of webcam technology.
- It is also the driving factor behind the invention and development of the internet, mobile phones, vibration technology, mansize tissues, prize winning marrows and body lotion.
- While many religions condemn masturbation as a sin none have ever adequately explained why a deity would design a body with the genitals within arms reach if they didn't want them to be fiddled with.
- In the course of his lifetime the average male will masturbate enough times to fill an Olympic sized swimming pool with spunk and use enough tissues to create a life size papier mache model of Barry White.
- In the course of her lifetime the average female will masturbate enough times to fill a sex blog with daily award winning descriptive posts for 15 years and use enough batteries to power an atomic submarine.
- The earliest known depiction of masturbation is shown in a cave painting in southwestern France. The scene features bison, deer and hunters gripping what at first glance appear to be spears.
- The term "wanker" was first coined by Shakespeare in Henry IV Part One. In Act 5, Scene 1 an exasperated Henry utters the immortal line "No truly, tis more than manners will; and I have heard it said that unbidden guests are often welcomest when they are gone. Especially that fat wanker Falstaff."
- While no one still believes that masturbation causes harmful effects such as hairy palms and blindness it is worth remembering that it can still cause cramp and a loss of vehicular control.
Thursday, 25 March 2010
Ten Things You Never Knew About...