Monday, 22 March 2010

Ten Things You Never Knew About...

...Anal Sex
  1. Only 5% of the population regularly engage in anal sex.
  2. 3% of this number are sex bloggers.
  3. A staggering 87% of sex bloggers write about anal sex.
  4. 85% of this number do not have anal sex in reality. This is due to their heads obscuring access.
  5. Anal sex was invented by Arthur Pewtey of 2 Lancaster Gardens, Chiswick, in 1973 when he slipped while stepping naked over the coffee table and accidentally impaled himself on a rolled up copy of the Radio Times.
  6. The biggest butt plug in the world is currently owned by Mystery Sex Blogger X who was sent it to review in 2005. Unfortunately it got wedged in the letterbox upon delivery and despite the application of several thousand gallons of lube there it remains to this day. It is crafted in fluorescent purple medical grade silicon and has the famous Latin motto "unus sursum bum haud vulnero perfectus"* inscribed upon it.
  7. Despite commonsense precautions and the use of enemas anal sex still results in over 52 million poo spores exploding into the atmosphere and settling in your butter dish every time you take it up the Spam Fritter.
  8. Haemorrhoids can be temporarily relieved by anal sex as they are pushed back into the rectal cavity through dynamic thrusting actions.
  9. But they do fall out your arse again later like a sack of water balloons. Swings and roundabouts really.
  10. Anal sex is illegal in every country in the world!

*One up the bum, no harm done.


Ceeej said...

You're right, I didn't know any of those facts about anal sex. You should write those sex education leaflets for a living.

BTW, is 'butter dish' a euphemism?

Heff said...

SmartASS, Lol !

Luka said...

Ceeej - I have plenty more facts where those came from. And "butter dish" is not a euphemism but "gravy boat" might be.

Heff - Oh, very good :)

Sulpicia said...

Stop shitting on my parade.

Curvaceous Dee said...

I just laughed so hard I farted ... thanks for the release, Luka!

xx Dee

Suzanne Portnoy said...

This made me smile. Morning Luka and hope you're enjoying the sun in your part of the world.

Luka said...

Sulpicia - don't let the Boudoir leave you bummed.

Curvaceous Dee - I can also realign your chakras and unblock drains!

Suzanne - morning my lovely! I don't have sun, only mist where I am. Glad I put a smile on your face.

Carnalis said...

I was fleetingly worried, so i checked (about 30 countries world wide).

have you every heard of a 'rooster tail'? *shudder*

Jackie Adshead said...

Informative, as ever, Luka! :) And not a bum note, anywhere....

Luka said...

Carnalis - It is always wise to check my facts. Rooster Tail? It's got to be a big ole spray of shit, hasn't it?

Jackie - I like to get to the bottom of things.