Tuesday, 16 March 2010

Stroppiness and Floppiness

I don't get on well with male sex bloggers.

I don't get on well with all female sex bloggers, true, but I do get on with at least some of them. I exchange emails, I engage in chat, I share the occasional glass of wine and bowl of cheesecake, that sort of thing.

The male sex bloggers though are a different matter. I am not matey with any of them. I have pondered long and hard on why this might be so and have concluded that this is largely due to the fact that I am not one to comment adoringly and send fan mail. I am more one to read, enjoy, and then take the piss. And why not? There are already legions of soggy-gusseted women out there boosting male sex blogger egos and angling for a fumble. When I scroll through those "ooh, that was hot" or "I wish it was me hogtied over the footstool with a gladioli up my arse" comments I couldn't possibly post anything but silliness. Which leads to not posting anything at all much of the time. Oh, those male sex bloggers can be a humourless lot.

It's all so one dimensional. It appears that unless there is a potential fuck in the offing - no matter how unlikely, just as long as the faint hint of promise is there - your average male sex blogger just isn't going to bother with even basic acknowledgement, let alone conversation. Perhaps this is a case of perceived rudeness on both sides.

It all seems awfully shallow but what else could possibly explain my lack of male sex blogger buddies? The alternative is that I am just terribly annoying and unlikeable - and that, surely, can't be right.

If you are - or have befriended - a male sex blogger do let me know where I am going wrong. Remember to mark your entry "If you're not a groupie I go droopy" and send to the usual address.

31 comments:

Heff said...

Perhaps if you LEFT COMMENTS, lol !!!

Luka said...

Guilty as charged! I am very, very bad at networking.

Truly said...

Snort. Yes, exactly! Nail hit squarely on head.

Riff Dog said...

I wasn't aware that there were that many male sex bloggers to befriend in the first place.

Sulpicia said...

I just like those that have a sick sense of humour and twisted interiors. They make me laugh. Fuck knows I need a few laughs. Oh... And there are a couple that are just nice. (Yes. I used the word "nice.")

Luka said...

Truly - you've had similar experiences then?

Riff - there are at least five, possibly as many as seven, and none of them sent me a Christmas card.

Sulpicia - I really like several male sex bloggers, I just don't tell them in case they think I am trying to lure them into my megapants.

Ceeej said...

Does the lack of a sex life rule out becoming a sex blogger or is it a pre-requisite I wonder?

I only ask as I'm seeking a direction and wouldn't want to stumble down the wrong road by accident....

Heff said...

Hey, I was just kidding. Kinda.

Luka said...

Ceeej - It varies, of course, but I feel that the lack of a sex life plus a generous helping of imagination and swarfega can lead to award winning blog entries.

Heff - No, it's true, I don't comment enough elsewhere. I can be very unfair when I write these posts.

Giles English said...

The whole sex-blog sphere is odd. People are there to consume rather than engage. Few people comment, and few bloggers really enter into discussion on their blogs.

Luka said...

Giles - that's a good point. I think it's most aptly illustrated by the Fleshbot/Sugasm/e-lust phenomenon. Get a mention on a list somewhere and see the visitor stats soar but with never a comment or even a cheery wave in passing. Everyone is just rushing by in a frenzy to click on the next link to see if it has more tits.

The problem with discussion is that not many bloggers really want one. They want validation, attention, redemption even, but not a discussion. Everyone likes to think they are really broadminded, that they are really pushing the boundaries and baring their souls but it is all within ridiculously narrow parameters. Some people really can't handle the concept of debate: "if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all" is a nauseating phrase I have encountered a few times as I put forward a viewpoint which differs from their own. If you can only say something nice or nothing at all we're all fucking doomed.

Giles English said...

It's not just debate I'd enjoy, but actual discussion; building on ideas. I talk about fantasy slavery a lot, for example, and I'm interested in what other people have to say.

Carnalis said...

I like that you have put the image of swarfega and internet lust in my mind.

i think that male sex bloggers can be selfishly uncommunicative because it is part of the persona; it is so easy to be rude on the internet. And it is not just sex bloggers - dating online (especially for Doms), for instance. Unless you present as a newbie giggling sub then no-one will make an effect to be friends.

Luka said...

Giles - I can understand that. Perhaps I will pop over and see if there is anything I can bring to the table.

Luka said...

Carnalis - I know how to conjure up an erotic image, it's true.

Aha, yes, the online persona. "I am a Dominant Male and you must get on your knees and cop a faceful cos that's what all you online slappers are gagging for. For I am a Dominant Male and this is what makes me The King of Sex. The comments box tells me so." (All spoken chest out, legs apart, fists on hips.)

Pah. And bah. And pah again. They always turn out to be 5ft 3", unable to be master of their own domain in reality, with even the family cat turfing them off their own chair, and a festering mess of frustration and neuroses. With bad dress sense. "Doms". Hah.

Carnalis said...

There may also be an issue with the common 'it's my blog, so i'll say what i want' attitude. A commentator might offer an alternative point of view, but is only met with offended silence (or worse). I think it is peculiar to sex blogging as fantasy & lust is so individual and it is hard to challenge when the writer can resort to taking it ALL SO PERSONALLY rather than an excuse for debate (which consequently upsets their followers and the rot quickly spreads.. )

What to do? I dunno .. but i hope you don't stop taking the gentle (and slightly offensive) piss out of the lot of us x

MonMouth said...

Hang on! Do those pictures I sent you of my puffed-out chest not constitute a relationship?

Ro said...

I tried doing "chest out, legs apart, fists on hips" but made the mistake of doing it in front of the mirror.

Never again. Never, ever again.

Luka said...

Carnalis - you're right, of course, it is a different set-up when blogging about such personal matters. I do understand why discourse may not be what's required. Which begs the question why do I insist on poking fun at people who really don't want me to? Am I a bully or just trying to illuminate certain behaviours for the benefit of all?

Monmouth - you know it did, that's why you had to take out that restraining order!

Ro - what a marvellous mental image you have now conjured up for me! I have furnished you with a novelty posing pouch in my version.

Charlene said...

If you were trying to lure these male sex bloggers into your web of delight, they'd not be aware they were being lured!

I'm thinking about this fantasy of the image of the blogger behind the screen. I'd ask what the blogger is selling. If they only want the fantasy of having legends of willing acolytes, they are providing a fantasy to lure and fascinate. If they are seeking real human physical adulation, they must be more honest in the fa├žade they present.

It is my experience that all dominant men are merely submissives trying to top from the bottom. I've never met a truly dominant man. IF they are sane that is.

I've not found a single "male" sex blog. After I wade through all the paper art blogs, and the happy family blogs and the strung out game blogs, I get tired and just take a nap.

Luka said...

Charlene - I suppose there is always a gulf between the online persona and the person behind the screen and for some it is wider than others.

I think a nap is often the answer when it comes to blogging.

Jackie Adshead said...

I've met a couple of male sex bloggers in real life, after having commented on their blogs and built up a reciprical friendship. I liked them both, and am still in touch with them. I liked being able to chat with them face to face and find out their reasons for blogging about sex, and the story behind their blogging lives since we all seem to have one!

I've also met a couple of female sex bloggers in real life too, and liked them very much. I'm not saying that all bloggers are fabulous, only that you get a feel for the person behind the blog, and know if you're likely to get on. It's like any sort of group of people - some you like, some you don't.

As for you "going wrong" - I don't think you are, you just haven't found the right male bloggers, yet! :)

Anonymous said...

Luka, being recently out of an LTR with what the American-vioced bra ads used to call a 'fuller-figured' woman, I can't get it up for toffee. Your pix only remind me of what I'm missing. It's a love thing. I'll get better.
But your blog also serves to remind me that there are cute, funny, smart and confident women waiting to be found. Ta.

XX BD

The Bogus Doctor said...

Sorry, BD here again, rude not to have left details.

Luka said...

Jackie - thinking about it, I have met one male sex blogger I liked, thereby disproving my own theory. Me and my ill thought out premises.

Bogus Doctor - hello! Ah, yes, it does get better but it doesn't heal quickly or easily, more's the pity. Thank you for the compliments!

Tom Allen said...

:coff coff: Yeah, you're right. I can't think of one single, nice, pleasant, male sex blogger who isn't all about the shag-hopefulness. :coff coff: I mean, I've read about them, but can't imagine where you'd actually find one.
:coff:

Anyway...
The problem with discussion is that not many bloggers really want one. They want validation, attention, redemption even, but not a discussion.

And this may be related to the problem with blogging software -- it's not especially suited for discussion. Good web forum groups have platforms that allow you to see conversation threads and offshoots, but Blogger makes you scroll up and down, and doesn't have tools for quoting sections, etc.

Wordpress is marginally better because you can reply to specific comments, but that's about it.

Of course, like Heff said, if you left a comment about once in a while...

Luka said...

Tom - Ah yes, sorry, I suppose I just don't think of you as a sex blogger and out for potential shags as you have that whole chastity/good relationship thing going on.

I am very bad at comment-leaving commitment. I start with the best intentions but then can't sustain my comment box relationships. I read though. Never miss a post, me.

Tom Allen said...

I suppose I just don't think of you as a sex blogger and out for potential shags

So, on one hand you associate male sex bloggers with shag hounds, but when you run into male sex bloggers who aren't, you don't think of them as sex bloggers?


I'm often surprised with the huge disparity between the number of daily hits I get, and the few comments (this is not to guilt you into making any). I think that most readers are not reading in order to have a discussion, they're reading for entertainment or titillation. And that's okay - that's why we have open, public, electronic journals, and not spiral-bound notebooks.

But the way that many of us discover new (and interesting) blogs is not only by link sin the post or blogroll, but by the (hopefully intelligent and inspiring) comments from other bloggers.

But I'll bet you can find a lot of nice guys blogging about sexual matters. You just have to knmow where to look.

Luka said...

Tom - there are indeed nice chaps blogging about sex, though I wouldn't necessarily categorise them in my mind as sex bloggers. I have the same categorisation issue with many female bloggers. The ones I think of as sex bloggers tend to post almost solely about sex. Once you start getting three dimensional and mentioning family, work or any other window into a possible life outside nobbing you become more human and less generic. This leads to sweeping, flawed generalisations like "all sex bloggers are twats...apart from the ones I like". It isn't particularly consistent, fair or sound but I am a bugger for lumping people into different camps as it suits my lampooning purposes.

I agree with you about the majority of people reading for entertainment rather than for a discussion. I think it highlights the point that most blog writers would like feedback but most blog readers just want to read.

Aarkey said...

Luka, after reading your exchange with Tom, I can't help but think you are saying “I went into the room where the men are masturbating to start up a conversation and they're not very chatty."

Of course if you wants to talk about masturbation, we’re probably up for that kind of chat ;)

Luka said...

Aarkey - There's an element of that, true. It's more like "I went into a room where the men were saying how much they want to have sex with willing ladies and I said 'I am not willing, I won't have sex with you but I do find you funny' and they do not wish to talk to me."