"Did you like that?" he asked.
"Um...no. I was squicked by the sisterly love thing."
And just like that he went offline.
It had begun a short time earlier, with a detailed, and frankly suspect, tale of love in a jacuzzi with a couple of lovely ladies who fortuitously happened to be there.
I am used to men trying to impress, possibly seduce, me via the medium of bullshit. You can't write a sex blog - even a satirical anti-sex-blog - without the occasional email or chat session that ends up on the ferry to Fantasy Island. It is a rare and unusual man who can get me on board with him. Most make the mistake of assuming that simply offloading their desires on me is sufficient to engage my libido. They rattle off a list of I would like to do this, and then I would like to do that. Remarkably few bother to find out what I would like and, to be fair, those that do ask me what I really want right now usually get the reply "a bottle of wine and for you to fuck off".
This instance was no different. Why this particular would-be Lothario thought a female-male-female threesome was my bag, I don't know. It is a tediously common male fantasy of course. Still, I can work with it up to a point and see where the scenario leads. However, in this particular scene the females in question were allegedly sisters. Sisters who find themselves exploring the contents of his swimming trunks and finish their journey of discovery with some sisterly love of the oral variety. Which, unsurprisingly, squicked me entirely.
Why? Why oh why oh why would anyone think this could ever, ever appeal to me?
It's like those fantasies men - and women - have regarding twins. Yuck. I mean, how does that work? I couldn't even have sex in the same room as any other family member, let alone want to witness them in a sexual situation. Anything beyond that makes me want to scrub my brain in a bucket of bleach. Every strand of DNA in my body strains in the opposite direction, trying to get as far away from the threat of webbed feet and banjo music as possible.
Just for the record, for anyone else thinking of trying their hand at a bit of Luka-lovin', I am also squicked by sex involving kids, animals, shit, piss, dead people and the clinically thick.