Thursday, 19 November 2009

What's In It For Me?

Some kinks I just don't get. Some are the big obvious ones like shagging donkeys, pooing on glass topped coffee tables or rubbing your parts on a splintery fence.

Others are more low key and, apparently, more commonly shared turn-ons, from having your arse spanked until it goes purple to orgasm denial and chastity.

Well, actually I do get the spanking thing. I understand the pleasure/pain combination even though I cannot receive pain in a sexual situation myself. Well, I can but I tend to lash out in retaliation which spoils the moment. The stimulus may be all in play but my response is sadly all too real and on the violent side. Still, you poke the hornet's nest (not a euphemism, but it could be) and what do you expect?

The orgasm denial and chastity thing has always been a puzzler for me. I enjoy reading Tom Allen's Edge of Vanilla and while I have learned much from his honest and engaging posts it is still an alien landscape for a greedy hedonist such as myself. Delayed gratification? You might as well suggest I save some chocolate for later.

Then I read this post over on Monmouth's blog. If you can't be arsed to follow the link it's about a girl on the blob who, rather than wanting nothing more than to spend an hour curled up on the sofa with a hot water bottle, eating Maltesers while wearing a dressing gown and thick, warm men's socks, yearns to be on her knees and used as an oral wanking aid.

I'm not even sure if she gets a cushion to kneel on. My knees would be killing me after a few minutes and I'd have to use the stiffy in question for leverage back up and then retire to the chaise longue.

I am entirely baffled as to what's in this scenario for the lady. Other than a mouthful of spunk and, to be honest, I've come to want more from life. Judging by the comments though many women would like nothing more than to have their pulsating ladyparts ignored and untouched as they gamely suck and gag, getting walloped intermittently in the chin by some sweaty balls. Whilst menstruating, I hasten to add, a time more traditionally associated with intense bouts of stroppiness and a less than altruistic mindset.

Is this really a popular scenario or has it just gone through the 70% bullshit enhancement feature I belive is built into most sexual online interactions? An unfeasibly large number of men on adult dating sites, for example, claim to adore cunnilingus and profess to love going down for hours. Conversely, do a comparable number of women online claim to love sucking cock with no pressure to have to find the clitoris for reciprocal pleasure?

What are your thoughts?


Anonymous said...

From my point of view it sounds excellent. :-)

But no, I don't understand it and the reverse wouldn't especially appeal to me...

Helga Hansen said...

I've come to realise that I rather like vanilla... the odd dabble into other things satisfies my curiosity, but I do like the usual status quo in the bedroom - where the man is the Alpha Male and the woman is the submissive with the odd growl on occasion! :D

Cheeky Minx said...

While I can definitely understand your point of view here, I find Mon's scenario more than a little appealing. Since Maltesers are off the table for me (I still cry at the sheer tragedy), sometimes I get a hankering for a big ole lollypop! (Hmmm, perhaps I’m compensating for the chocolate?!) But this isn’t at the expense of my own pleasure - Miss Clit would get very cranky indeed...

I like to think of it as a mood issue. Sometimes I like to give and sometimes I like to take. Yes, the best scenario is give-take (over and over and over again) but sometimes a bit of altruistic lovin’ is just the thing I crave.

(Sorry a tad long winded!)

Petal said...

In my humble opinion and some what limited experience, any man on a 'dating website' who claims to adore cunnilingus are very poor at doing said task and in fact generally won't indulge in it unless you have the spike of your heel resting on their bollocks and are threatening to set them on fire....more satisfaction is generally achieved from a chocolate eating fest.

As for being a cum receptical...its in the movies darling so of course we all want to do it!

Luka said...

The Famulus - I think it must hinge upon whether the act of giving can be SO pleasurable in some instances that it is reward in itself.

Helga - as I have said before, vanilla is popular because it works so well. Spice is nice but must be used judiciously for the best results.

Cheeky Minx - I like long winded! Lengthy, interesting comments give me great pleasure. Not in a kinky way though that would be a good kink to have. (Ponders)

I can only see me opting for an altruistic blowjob session in an alternate universe where cocks are chocolate coated and spurt wine. Great big arcing jets of wine, none of that just a teaspoonful nonsense.

Petal - That's the thing, when trying to attract a mate we all indulge in a spot of false advertising, from control underwear to claims of sexual athleticism and a craving for spunk. Once the novelty's worn off it's back to the grey baggy knickers and spitting into a tissue.

Caramella said...

I always enjoy giving my man pleasure, but to be honest I'm more into reciprocity, which turns out to be more like ME ME ME. And while I wouldn't be emulating Monmouth's friend's selflessness any time soon, I'm not averse to a guerrilla BJ in the kitchen. Besides, what's wrong with some good old-fashioned bloody fun?

Sulpicia said...

I have rediscovered pure gentleness. And reciprocity. And I am still processing some of my old stuff from some time ago. I suspect all of it depends on who you are, when, and why. Etc etc. For example, I suspect that though I may still have certain triggers. Hard to say. Much of what I experienced that crazy summer had to do with an already fucked up pain threshold, nerve pain killers, and whatnot. (The whatnot bits being as important as the physical aspect.) If I even try to imagine doing any of that now my body shivers. And not in a good way. Which is not to say other people are not into it. Or that I don't think it's fine. Just not for me. Right now. I love reading Tom.

MonMouth said...

First, in the words of that famous bloke in the garden: It was her idea. I didn't ask what was in it for Kim, because she doesn't like to explain her kinks. She gets a buzz from denial, humiliation and a sense of being "used" - not all the time, just when she feels like acting something out. And, for the record, the 70% bullshit enhancement in this particular instance is all hers. I'm a devoted enhancer of bullshit myself, but credit should go where it's due.

Important contextual note: Her bedroom has a soft thick rug on the floor. There is no need to worry about knee injuries.

Anyway, the whole thing ended up being totally reciprocal: She gave me a fabulous blowjob, and I bought her a hazelnut cappuccino afterwards.


Ms. Inconspicuous said...

I dunno, there's something fabulously powerful about *causing* that kind of pleasure.

So I have to believe that while some instances of this profession of desire have to be exaggerated (like anything), I would believe that it could have a fair amount of veracity as well. (Most simply because I don't find it that much of a stretch myself, though I would require some sort of gratification.)

Speaking of-- there's always the reciprocity factor. If not then, then later...oh later... It's nice to be "owed" one. ;)

Happy said...

In my period of prolific online dating I met a number of women who claimed great skill in the fellatial arts.
Few truly delivered. I've covered this area myself and arrived at the conclusion that the truly great blow job is delivered by someone who genuinely derives pleasure from doing it.
Now, if you do, truly, derive pleasure from the act, and I've been fortunate enough to know women who do; and you are disinclined to take the messy option...

The rest of the scenario played out is just that - a scenario played out to enhance the pleasure.

Oh and this works both ways ;-)

Carnalis said...

I would imagine there is a small percentage of women who enjoy being a cum-dumpster and dedicate themselves to being forever the 'giver' but for most of us there will always be an element of give and take at some point.

I loved Mon's piece for the element of use/abuse, and the blob aspect is just an excuse to subvert the game ... he (and Kim) have totally tapped into my particular thrill.

*waves at all my friends*

pateinduced said...

I am my lady's first 'lolly-pop' lover; and she loves it, loved it from the first timid attempt. I was and still am thrilled to oblige in our mutual delight with "oral wanking", as you repugnantly spin it.

She has never overcome the stigma of recipient receptacle, or drinker,
but is a true tactician in making swallowing happen, 'cause she wants to. I don't force the issue (just oblige her efforts) and don't fault her at all for backing off, or pushing away. My response to her apologies is my aversion to going down on her during "blob" days.

The affinity for fellatio is tied to control, achievement, more sensitivity to my reactions; and the 'almost orgasm' she experiences. It's a quick, happy alternative to cumbersome stripping for the other vagina. And, it's really good for trips, semi-private affairs, and 5-minute child-free occasions.

I don't think either of us feels more dominant or subservient on the whole. The mood is case-by-case.

I think your implied aversion is what makes you such a delightful cynic. We will forgive you your lies. Carry on.

Amy said...

Gee, Luka, you've turned me on to a great blog (and not the first time, thank you ma'am). I dunno, that scene sounded pretty sexy to me. It wouldn't be sexy if that's ALL that ever happened. I know someone who was in such a situation, and...well, she's out of it now. No matter how much someone says it's all about what the Master/Dom/Sir/Daddy wants, if both aren't getting off it's not likely to last. It's funny, but the thing that stood out most in the story to me was how much SHE was saying what SHE wanted "don't touch my pussy" "don't be late" etc. Pft, I don't get to say stuff like that :). But the part about being forced to your knees (on a comfy rug, mind) and face-fucked...mmmm...*wanders off to show the post to Richard*

Glasjay said...

Each to their own Luka, everybody's different. That's one of the wonderful things about the human race, there's so much diversity. One persons idea of something awesome is another persons idea of something awful.
I personally have trouble being the recipient in a one sided sexual act, can't keep my hands to myself you see ;)

Luka said...

Caramella - I think I may be jaded due to the prominence of the blowjob in sex blogging and porn. There's always hours of blowjob footage and fuck all of cunnilingus. Most mainstream erotica is already all about the selfless BJ and it bores me to bits.

Sulpicia - it is an underrated facet, gentleness - particularly in the sex blogging sphere, which tends to concentrate more on extremities than on tenderness and love. Yet undeniably the most erotic experiences I have had have been those experienced in love. Casual and I do not get along.

Monmouth - Thank you, I feel a shade more enlightened now.

I am relieved about the soft rug. Knees are hard to replace. There needs to be a greater emphasis on good posture in sex blogs.

Ms Inconspicuous - I am beginning to suspect that part of my aversion to the selfless giving of pleasure is pure laziness. As I grow older I find that comfort has overtaken most other considerations. I consider being on my knees with lockjaw and think, no, I would much rather be on the sofa with Ben & Jerry.

Happy - I believe that the truly great sexual deliveries are always from those who not only enjoy the act but enjoy you. If you don't care you're not going to put the effort in. This is why objectification scenarios don't work for me.

Carnalis - I'm at the other end of the spectrum and think blobbing is a time to join the Red Hand Gang and embrace your inner vampire.

Pateinduced - Implied aversion? Whatever can you mean? All I know is if it doesn't contain alcohol, fat or chocolate I'm not swallowing it.

Amy - I am a connoisseur of fine blogging, it's true. Oh, I don't know. It's the face-fucking thing. All that effort and you don't even get a pleasant aftertaste.

Glasjay - that's not a bad thing, I'm sure.

Anonymous said...

Not sure I get this at all, I've not shagged a donkey, a few pigs yes.. Some of them felt like I was rubbing my private parts against a splintery fence but to be honest, even with the worst, roughest booze tinted glasses, I've never sunk as low as taking a dump on their coffee tables even out of spite.. That's just nasty.

Tom Allen said...

There's always hours of blowjob footage and fuck all of cunnilingus.

You're opening up a huge can of worms with this one.

As recently as the early 70s I've heard guys talk about how eating pussy is only for latent gays; since they can't get it up for women, it's how they satisfy them, instead of giving them the good banging they need.

I'll leave it to your readers to ponder the mindset of men who think that way.

But from a film/technical POV, cunnilingus is boring.All you see is a head moving around in a very small arc. It's better if you can focus on a woman's movements and reactions to it, but for the most part it leaves the guy faceless and out of the shots. You'd do just as well having him use a vibrator on her.

Fellatio, OTOH, allows for a wider range of movement, plus the all-important opportunity for men to display their own latent gay tendencies by observing somebody else's erections.

Whoops - wasn't supposed to mention that part... gets some men pretty upset.

Suzanne Portnoy said...

Yes, I read Mon's post and although I'm not near that selfless, I do really enjoy giving pleasure, actually more than receiving it. The face fucking thing can be very horny in the right circumstances, especially when I know it's merely foreplay and not the beginning, middle and end of sex. I'm with Tom Allen on the porn thing - watching a man going down on a woman is just Dullsville compared to the other way around.

Luka said...

Anonymous - you clearly haven't lived.

Tom - but surely the guy is also faceless in fellatio filming, as the camera rarely leaves his groin?

You have raised, as ever, some interesting points and I shall explore them further...

Suzanne - I declare the fellatio/cunnilingus = interesting/dull argument as bollocks and will set about proving it even if it takes all night and uses up all the battery life on my camera.

Ceeej said...

I'll bring the charger...

Luka said...

Ceeej - you be careful where you plug that in.

Giles English said...

Sorry, some of this stuff, you just have to be a masochist to get. Being locked up in a chastity belt and giving endless oral sex makes me high as a kite. The why is complex, and ultimately probably not important.

Luka said...

Giles - hello. You may well be right. I may not identify with it all but I am glad that such variety is possible.

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