Sunday, 8 November 2009

I Am A Great Read, Apparently

The immensely talented Jackie Adshead has chosen me as one of her ten recipients of a You Are a Great Read award.

You might think that this award is utterly meaningless and just another example of those tedious me-me-memes that recur like herpes outbreaks, but you'd be wrong.

This award is special because it gives me something to toss off quickly (quiet at the back) with minimum effort, thereby leaving the rest of the weekend free for other pursuits.

Right, according to the terms and conditions attached to this award I now have to tell you ten things I do each day.

Yes, I know, it does sound like it will be a riveting read, doesn't it? But don't worry, I shall try not to go for the obvious. (1. Get up 2. Go to the toilet 3. Eat food. 4. Blog 5. Wank 6. Shower 7. Have a drink 8. Watch telly 9. Read book 10. Sleep.) I shall endeavour to make this an enjoyable experience for the both of us.

Ten Things I Do Every Day:

  1. Annoy somebody. It could be an amusing blog post about what a twat someone is, or throwing peanuts at someone while they are watching their favourite film or eating all the ice cream. It could be flagging up injustices at work, it could be drawing a comedy moustache on someones favourite picture or refusing to get off the spacehopper, despite the health and safety concerns raised by those who think it's a stupid idea when carrying hot soup. Whatever the situation you can be sure someone, somewhere, is getting annoyed.
  2. Ignore the phone. I hardly ever answer a ringing phone and never call anyone unless I am on fire or something. This often leads to point 1, above.
  3. Cyberstalk various friends and acquaintances. This isn't sinister, it's just being interested.
  4. Write something utterly hilarious and award winning.
  5. Fail to keep my "no alcohol for me tonight" pledge.
  6. Discover that I can't just have one biscuit after all.
  7. Find a food item in my cleavage.
  8. Stay up much later than intended.
  9. Oil my sensual, naked body and take photos of myself to send to my favourite readers.
  10. Vow to start anew.

So, there you go. If I were the type to stick to the rules I would now bestow 10 people with the "You Are a Great Read" award and they would post their own 10 things they do every day. But I am not the type, nor am I particularly interested in a post about what anyone else does each day as I doubt it will be as good as mine. So I'm not going to (see point 1 above.)

19 comments:

Lynsey said...

You are now, and ever shall be, my hero and favorite blogger. Even though you're younger than I, I hope to be more like you when i grow up.

pateinduced said...

Looks like a chain letter, and nosy at that. Kudos for breaking the link. They always die at my front porch, unless there's good fodder for snipes.

I will have a biscuit in your place. No sense in you getting a molding piece of toast by the time it reaches you.

Glasjay said...

Thanks for the pictures but I think it's more traditional to use baby oil.
Does lard even count as oil?

Luka said...

Lynsey - thank you, I have a warm glow from your words x

Pateinduced - I can't bear chain letters, I am always happy to destroy them for those who can't bear to do so themselves.

But can you have just the one biscuit, or will you finish the whole packet for me?

Glasjay - when heated to a fluid consistency, of course!

Glasjay said...

Fair do's.
Plus there's the added bonus of you tasting like bacon!

Luka said...

Glasjay - which goes well with ketchup or mayo, both of which make delightful additions to the lardy photofest.

Glasjay said...

You're like a callorific Jackson Pollock!
And no, that's not rhyming slang ;)

Happy said...

I don't think you really do #9, and won't believe it till my own inbox bears proof!

xxxxx

Luka said...

Glasjay - it should be :)

Happy - *pops down shops for more oil* xxx

Ceeej said...

Presumptiously waiting for my inbox to fill with hot slippery Luka.....

I'll not hold my breath.

Glasjay said...

Oh go on Ceeej

Luka said...

Ceeej - I have no way to access your inbox so I can only leave a greasy imprint on the monitor.

Glasjay said...

Can you leave a greasy imprint on my monitor, no, moniker, no, mmm...modular!
Oh, what's the word I'm looking for?
Oh yes, face

Ceeej said...

Ah, I knew there was a reason for the lack of oiled women in my inbox...

I'll have to be satisfied with greasy imprints on the monitor for now and leave the rest to my imagination.

Jackie Adshead said...

Please don't start anew, and change. I love you just as you are! :)

Luka said...

Glasjay - I'm quite sure that I can.

Ceeej - I'm oiled now as I type - is that an acceptable substitue?

Jackie - I may vow to change, but I never do, so rest easy :)

Ceeej said...

On vodka?

Luka said...

Ceeej - Aldi value vino actually.

ceeej said...

As long as you don't get it confused with the baby oil....