Wednesday, 25 November 2009

Barbed Wire Bollocks Busters!

An occasional feature in which I, your glamorous hostess, raconteur and expert on all things sexual, debunk popular myths and misconceptions as being utter bollocks.

Cunnilingus is not depicted as often as fellatio in pornography because there's so little to see.

This is utter bollocks. Cunnilingus is not depicted as often as fellatio because pornographers are lazy, talentless cunts and most consumers of pornography have been happily brainwashed into believing that only the external displays of male sexuality merit recording. Because it is harder to film the female orgasm most pornographers just don't. The nearest you'll get is a bit of fake gushing because ejaculations are what they know. ("Oh why can't a woman be more like a man?" they sigh whilst inserting the turkey baster between takes to reload the poor old porno fanny for another fake climax).

I just don't buy into the idea that fellatio is more interesting to watch than cunnilingus. How is a head bobbing up and down on a veiny prong any more entertaining for twenty minutes than a head moving in small circles on a fleshy mound? It's the bigger picture I want, the sighs and gasps, the arching of the back, the tautening of nipples, the creased brow and bitten lip. Subtle stuff but far sexier than a standard porno gobble. Still, while the punters require an obvious conclusion (these must be the same people who can't cope with ambiguous endings to books and films and need narration to tell them the moral of the story) we're stuck with buckets of fake fluids being flicked across the set.

Sex-Positive Pansexual Polyamorous Feminist Kink Queer Community Blogging

Utter bollocks.

12 comments:

Suzanne Portnoy said...

It's much more complicated than simple visuals. The pornography industry is run by men and they dictate what they BELIEVE their audience want to watch. If you want to sell units (and the average porn video rarely sells more than 3000 per territory) you have to adhere to the standard formula. My friend, Petra Joy, who produces porn that does not feature the standard stuff and loves showing cunnilingus, cannot get a distribution deal in the UK and sells mainly in Germany. For anyone who wants to support her endevour to make porn that does not subscribe to the norm, you can check out her website at www.petrajoy.com.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps I'm a little weird (for a bloke I mean) but if I watch porn I'd rather see the women getting off?

I suggest you try and find some good European material, from memory (sad, I know) it was far superior to the US rubbish, hell some of the women actually had hairy bits...

Old and past it said...

I'd like to see a fleshy mound bobbing up and down on a turkey while a couple of hairy Italian women with creased brows eat pasta off a veiny prong and a trembling buttock stirs a pot full of tautening nipples that sigh and perspire. Steamily. Do you think any of today's young pornographers could fix me up?

Glasjay said...

Evening Luka. This is my tuppence worth
most porn is aimed at men with the idea being you watch it and think "I wish that was me getting noshed off by that pneumatic strumpet with low morals and low self esteem" and the sad fact is most men would rather be noshed than nosh.

Also the visual thing does come into, you only have to look at the weird angles and positions the "talent" gets into.

Pateinduced said...

Hi! I'm back with my Londonictionary in hand for UK slang. Punters: could kick that one a few directions. Or, "punto Burrito" (Urban dictionary) just has a nice ring to the words ... and no more. Still smiling and keeping the drink in the glass while reading you.

I'm with whoever wants to see more wet mounds rotating over a tongue surfer. I can see watching a guy tippin' a trap or tambourine as quite attractive to me, but the box and rest invariably obscure his bits for the female audience. If I can get up the interest, watching fellatio is OK, without his mug in the picture. Don't know why that is.

On the whole, blogs are far more interesting than porn flicks of the same old same-old.

Utter bollocks! Mashed puns, too! No need to ponder this spout. Just the Cuba Libre talking.

Luka said...

Suzanne - I wonder if women will ever become significant consumers of pornography and thereby influence what is mass produced? There's this gap in the market between male oriented porn (all fake tits and cum shots) and female oriented erotica (all black lace covered paperbacks and sensual massage).

Anonymous - ah, I have fond memories of European porn from the 70s. Hairy women in knee socks being serviced by moustachioed TV repairmen.

Old and Past It - I think you may have to pay extra.

Glasjay - It is true it is not always better to give than receive. Yet in porn the women give tireless oral effort for a good wedge of the film and the man gives a token lick, if she's lucky. I still don't buy that that's the most interesting way to film it. Facial expressions are incredibly arousing, hence the popularity of sites such as Beautiful Agony for example.

PateInduced - the written word is nearly always more successful in creating a believable alternate world than film. Reading is the ultimate out of body experience in my opinion.

Anonymous said...

It's why I chose my career as a TV repairman and yes, I did have the mustache (which is now living out it's days in a home for abandoned animals)

Glasjay said...

Yeah that's fair enough but the problem is that while women are driven and stimulated mentally men are driven and stimulated visually.
This why women's fantasies involve places, scenarios and certain people and mens fantasies involve big tits.
We're a simple lot :)

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Luka said...

Anonymous - I love your work.

Glasjay - Men are not simple, that is another myth :)

Maternity Swim Wear - hi!

Glasjay said...

Hush now Luka, we don't the women folk finding out!

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