Monday, 12 October 2009

Ask Luka!

Do you have a problem? (Well, obviously you do, or you wouldn't be reading my stupid blog, but you know, an entertaining problem, preferably about sex or a strangely shaped body part.)

Then don't suffer in silence! A problem shared is a problem halved and a post is born.

A reader writes:

"Dear Luka

I have been in a relationship with a lovely woman for five years now. She has two children from a previous marriage and I have a son who has now left home to go to university. I have often asked her to move in with me, but she refuses, saying it would unsettle the children. I understand her concerns, as our lovemaking is prolonged, noisy and often involves various kitchen utensils, but I've assured her I can bite down on an oven mitt or wait until they're out. Surely a loving relationship is a good role model for young people? I've been patient for a long time but I'm beginning to think of moving on if she's not prepared to make a commitment. Tell me, Luka, what colour knickers are you wearing today?"

Luka replies:

"Black, with pink trim."

If you'd like Luka to answer your queries or solve your dilemma please send your bizarre requests to the usual email address and remember to put "I Need Help" in the subject line for priority attention.


Pateinduced said...

A very deep and responsible reply. I think Ann Landers should be all-a-quiver with concern.

Helga Hansen said...

I thought you wore the red lace when answering the "Ask Luka" questions?!?

Jackie Adshead said...

Mmmm.. I'd have pictured you in the purple satin ones, but never mind I can adapt! :)

Luka said...

Pateinduced - it's a lot of responsibility but I think I'm ready for it.

Helga - usually I do, but they were still in the wash.

Jackie - I am wearing them now as I type to you.

Walker said...

What's bizarre now a days?

Richard said...

I'm disappointed - I'd always pictured you checking emails in the nude.

Luka said...

Walker - having sex and *not* blogging about it.

Richard - I'd prefer that but then I do tend to get asked to leave the library.