Monday, 17 August 2009


I have written before on my distaste for sex toys which have, bizarrely, been designed to look like cute animals. It's just not right.
Today it occurred to me that these infantilised, neutered noncocks probably only appeal to those women who also prefer their sanitary products to look like sweets. For some individuals there is obviously a great deal of potential humiliation in having a product in your possession which looks like it might be applied to a personal use. (This is why people knit those strange toilet roll covers, I suppose. How on earth do they cope with the actual toilet itself, I wonder, just sitting there unshrouded, inviting and clearly awaiting a warm arse?)

There are women out there agonising over how to discreetly hide their jam rag when popping to the bathroom while their male counterparts quite happily shout their requirements for more bog paper from the smallest room in the house for all to hear. Men are a lot more comfortable with their bodily functions. They announce their toilet intentions, march off with adequate reading material and proudly warn you not to go back in there for ten minutes.

Sadly this is not always a two way street. I had a neighbour once who hid her sanitary towels in the cupboard uder the sink as her husband couldn't bear to see them in the bathroom. I suggested she start keeping the loo roll in the same place, as if the thought of a bit of red ruining those pristine white bundles of cotton was distressing, how on earth could anyone be expected to cope with the trauma of what happens to to the toilet paper?

I so thankful that I am not afraid of my body, its needs and functions. I am sometimes surprised by it, but we mostly amble along together in a comfortable alliance. I don't mind people knowing I am a woman and therefore have a vagina. It's ok if they see my period paraphernalia in the bathroom. If I want to wriggle around on a piece of vibrating silicon for pleasure I would prefer it not to look like a teddy bear, dolphin, rabbit or kitten. I am not a little girl misusing the contents of the dollhouse, I am a woman and I like a nice phallus.

What's wrong with that?


Anonymous said...

I have mixed feelings about this. I agree with you, it's ridiculous to have to hide such things.

On t'other hand, those little vibrating rabbits and ducks are cute, and have helped a lot of otherwise vanilla women appreciate something pleasant, which may, perhaps, just maybe, open their minds up to something else.

Sulpicia said...

What the hell is that in your hand?

When my kids were little I wanted to make sure that they both felt super-comfortable with the whole menstrual deal -- including mommy's moods. (Ha.) The night I brought my daughter home from the hospital after she had been diagnosed with leukemia, she was a three-year old on steroids. And I was pooped. A couple of friends were over helping me out. I retreated into my bedroom for a while. Just overwhelmed. I'm lying on my bed and I hear a soft little knock. My six-year old son. I beckon to him. He cuddles up, places his hand on my forehead and says: "Oh, mommy, it's probably just your bleeding time. It will pass."

Swear to God that child made me laugh SO hard. We giggled and hugged and I was good to go.

Why menstruation should be an issue for ANYONE is beyond me.

As for dildo shapes -- whatever turns you on, baby. However, I must admit, I do not want teddy bears up my twat.

M Jagger said...

I'm pretty sure the one on the left has a caramel centre and you're meant to stick the one on the right up your chuff?

Dante d'Amore said...

I am shocked!

Shocked, I tell you!

A vagina?

Shocking ... just shocking.

(I would never tell anyone what I have. I don't want anyone to know - including me! That's why I have never looked down.)


Luka said...

Tom - yes, I can see where you're coming from. But anyone who gets off on frotting a rabbit's face really isn't that vanilla in the first place by my definition.

Sulpicia - sounds like you did good, in my opinion. Being open about such matters is the only way to go.

M Jagger - suck it and see.

Dante - It is better that way.