Monday, 3 August 2009

Sex Blogger Sex Scandal Sex Exclusive

"I was molested by Top International Sex Blogger" reveals Boudoir Babe.

Popular online cynic and sex blog satirist Luka has been molested while drinking coffee with a well known sex blogger, it was revealed last night.

"After months of pestering I finally agreed to meet up for coffee," explained curvaceous Luka, 32. "I thought Starbucks would be suitably public and unerotic. I had consistently made it clear that my intentions were purely platonic.

Muffin

"At first it all seemed to be going well. He was friendly, courteous, well dressed and fragrant. He paid for the drinks and made charming small talk. Then he offered me a muffin, I said I wasn't sure I could manage anything too big, and the next thing I knew he had his hand on my knee and I dropped my spoon. It was so unexpected."

Ordeal

Luka bravely continued to describe her ordeal. "His hand was large and muscular, with hairy knuckles, and it completely enclosed my feminine kneecap, squeezing and manipulating my smooth, vulnerable girl skin, while he told me he was sure I could find room for a little something. I couldn't believe it. This was happening in full view of the other customers but nobody said a word. I had to empty my Chocca Mocha Latte into his lap and run away."

Frenzy

Luka continued with a warning to others: "I am sure there are some women out there who welcome such sordid shenanigans and would be both pleased and flattered to have such a renowned sex blogger saucing them up in Starbucks but frankly I'm not one of them. I would advise your readers to take care when accepting apparently harmless invitations to share a hot drink. All too often it's just a poorly disguised ruse for a caffeine fuelled lust frenzy."

Knitting

Her disturbing experience has not discouraged Luka from making online friends, however. "Next week," she says, "I am meeting a very well established knitting blogger for sushi and a full body hot oil massage in the Chiswick Travel Inn."

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

32?

Helga Hansen said...

Can you please make sure that oil isn't too hot? ;¬)

Ms Robinson said...

Brilliant Luka. Much needed laugh

Liam said...

Always be prepared for the unexpected.

Walker said...

Was it his left hand or right?
He may have been just begging for a hand out

Suzanne said...

Sounds familiar.

Luka said...

It's situations like these that send me running to the pooves.