Wednesday, 20 May 2009

A Very Public Affair

Now, this may come as a surprise to some of you (those who have never read my blog before, or have been trapped in a concrete bunker on Mars for the past year or so) but I am not overly fond of adultery bloggers.

That is not to say I tar the whole genre with the same brush. There are some who write sensitively and honestly. Then again, there are some who write with a thinly veiled glee at how clever they are at this duplicitous lifestyle and a desperate need to be found sexually appealing by strangers.

Still, these I can understand. I get what they are doing and why. I have a harder time getting to grips with those who seem to have lost the ability to use private email, letters or the telephone and instead conduct their break-ups and make-ups as publically as possible, via the medium of blogging.

Is it a wannabe celeb thing? A chance to feel a tiny bit like Katie Price and Peter Andre, to feel like the world is watching your love life through a lens and that everyone is agog to know what happens next? Does it add that sub-Hello magazine touch of glamour as you slop about your council flat in your Matalan dressing gown, cheap mascara streaming through your fake tan into your balled Kleenex, as you detail the minutaie of your illicit relationship to an undiscerning handful of online misfits and social inadequates who just love to watch a train wreck?

Does it stem from a desire to wallow for a just a brief moment in the low wattage spotlight of what paltry online fame you can generate as the author of yet another unoriginal, uninspiring sex blog? "Look, we are sex bloggers, we both have blogs, we are fucking each other! Look, we are like a blog celebrity couple! Oh no, we have split up. Boo hoo. Oh no, we are back together again and we are in love forever. Smooch smooch. Except now I've dumped him." And so on.

Or is it, as I suspect, more about the fact that such people need an audience to validate what they have? After all, when you are meeting up with someone other than your life partner for secret sex you can't just turn to your friend, family member or colleague and ask their opinion on what your lover just said or did without giving the game away. It starts to feel unreal, this secret relationship that exists only online, in hotel rooms, in your memory, in a bubble. Rather than talking to each other in private it all comes out online. Tearful recriminations, doleful dumpings, lurid tales of spunk and sodomy, along with declarations of undying love, all carefully performed to the peanut gallery. On a repetitive loop. Because that makes it better, more special, more real, like a proper relationship, and not just a fantasy fuckfest.

It all comes back to the philosphical question of: if two sex bloggers shag but nobody blogs it, did it really happen?


Anonymous said...

My philosphy says that I'd rather that they did it but failed to blog rather than the other way around.

Even adultary blogs should be based on some form of truth...

Ms Robinson said...

Oh why don't they just fuck off and read a good book

B said...

I suppose it's because when the relationships break down the communication breaks down. It is much easier to say what you feel to an anonymous blog than to the person in question, even if you know that person is reading. It shouldn't be but it is. (particularly with the comments section)

Rights and wrongs of infidelity aside (and blogging about it), I'm just happy that the skulls got knocked together with sufficient force that the obvious pain and misery has been stuffed into the archives.

And the answer to the last question?
A definitive NO

Helga Hansen said...

And isn't it funny how these blogs bring some familiar characters back (in the comments), just when one thought they had gone to ground! :)

Personally, I'm not bothered about whether it happens "in public" or behind closed doors - I just stop reading and move on.

the Lazy Philosopher said...

Katie and Peter?

How dare you! I think you'll find that Cate and I are, in fact, the Brad and Angelina of the blogosphere. (Except that Cate is much hotter than Angelina and I have a bigger knob than Brad.)

I have to say that this vitriolic outrage, no doubt motivated by petty jealousy, is particularly insensitive at this time given all the upset Cate and I have been through recently. You should know that the pregnancy scare and the recent refusal of the Zambian courts to approve our selfless attempts to adopt an African blog-child have taken their toll and we have been at our wits end. In fact, we were so upset that we almost cancelled the launch of Cate's new line of lingerie.

But you can say what you like. Cynicism will never overcome the power of true love! We have gained so much strength from the messages of support which have come flooding in from our hoards of wonderful and loyal fans.

It is not too late to renounce cynicism. It is spring and love is all around us. Open up your heart and embrace it. You could be like us!

All my love and best wishes to all three of your readers.



Ro said...

I can't imagine ever wanting to be like Peter. Or Katie.

Liras said...

Secrets that can destroy a person's life are hard to bear. That may be why anyone with a lover and a spouse blogs at all.

But some people do love to wallow in he sensations. After all, sensations were what they were seeking.

Sulpicia said...

As usual... I've not managed to figure out the particular reference. I suggest a blogger affair newsletter. Or I should just spend way more time reading way more blogs.

Ever yours,
Out to Lunch

Some Chilean Woman said...

"I think you'll find that Cate and I are, in fact, the Brad and Angelina of the blogosphere"

Is that for reals? Sorry to be so naive regarding this couple, I just don't really read sex blogs for that reason...most of the time these people just live on a freakin' fantasy land.

Anonymous said...

Ha Ha! Best laugh all week. Lazy Phil and Catey babes.

What guff.

Carnalis said...

I am sure that a great deal of blogging (sex or otherwise) is about the numbers. Mine bigger than yours, etc., and technorati is the beast that howls hungrily in the night.

The cult of blog commenting makes me think of those end-of-school year books and the appalling pressure of filling your pages with scrawls from cool friends - except, of course, if you were to flick back through the pages years later, you would see how vacuous and meaningless those remarks were.

Luka said...

Ely - there are many things that should be done but not blogged, I feel.

Ms R - nobody pays you any attention if you read a book.

B - I can understand venting to a diary, or writing in a letter those feelings which are hard to articulate face to face - but, come on. Blogging? If the internet didn't exist, or there was, say, a power cut, how would these poor, tongue-tied lovers ever communicate again? An open letter to the Times? A small amateur dramatics production at the local village hall?

Helga - I find when I comment I sometimes raise the dead. It is a great power, but also a great responsibilty.

Lazy P - Damn my cynicism. You're right. It's clearly holding me back. If I could only open my heart, mind and legs to more than just my husband I could be frolicking online, hand in gland with my blog lover, writing about orgasms and getting publically dumped every couple of months. I am proper missing out.

Ro - you can imagine it a bit if you cover yourself in gravy browning and hold a coule of balloons filled with jelly.

Liras - yes indeed. I suppose most of us bloggers like a bit of drama, our own or others. Otherwise we'd just read knitting patterns.

Sulpicia - I couldn't possibly say. I just put out a cap and wait to see who decides to announce that it fits.

Some Chilean Woman - celebrity of any kind always brings a sense of unreality with it. That's the point, I suppose.

Anonymous - it's all tomorrow's chip papers, isn't it?

Carnalis - yes, that's a good analogy.

Ro said...

"you can imagine it a bit if you cover yourself in gravy browning and hold a couple of balloons filled with jelly."Well, that's one way to kill a little time over the Bank-Holiday weekend that hadn't previously occurred to me.

The return of HNT? ;-)

Mr Shhh said...

I think the world would be a better place if Cate, T and Luka all fell off it together.

Luka said...

Ro - that would be an HNT to remember!

Mr Shhh - I think your world would be a better place if you grew a pair.

Ceeej said...

Damn those moral inhibitions of yours, if you could only shed them to become an adulterous, attention seeking emotional cripple and then blog it all about to make the world a better place...

Oh, if you do ever fall off, I was always taught to get straight back on, it's good advice that has served me well in many varied situations, none of which I intend to blog about, 'm too much a gentleman you know.

Luka said...

Ceeej - my curiosity is aroused nonetheless. I respect the no blogging rule - perhaps a small amateur dramatic production at the village hall however...?

Ceeej said...

Ahh, did I mention I was too much of a gentleman...

Could it be a musical? I've got this joke about jazz hands I've been dying to use...

Luka said...

Ceeej - that's it, big finish!

Walker said...

I read what I want to read and if it doesn't interest me i don't bother.
I come here because I connect to things you blog about.

Amy247 said...

*wonders who Katie Price and Peter Andre are*

I pretty much stay away from the adultery blogs because they just make me feel icky. I can't help thinking about how hurt the poor unknowing wife/husband will be when they find out that not only is their spouse cheating on them, but is documenting it to all the world. I know it's more complicated than that, but then again, it's not.

Luka said...

Walker - you are a well adjusted individual and I like you.

Amy - you and I share the same feelings on this one.