Wednesday, 17 December 2008

Sex Toy Review

I know what you're wondering. "What does Luka like to rub on her private parts? If I knew, I could be just like her and buy the same item. If only there were some way to find out."

Well, wonder no more. I am going to tell you all about the latest in luxury sex toys. So subtly designed it can be left lying casually on your coffee table and no one will suspect it was crammed into your gusset moments earlier.

Quality like this comes at a price. I didn't pay for mine, of course, (I was sent it free of charge in return for reviewing it on my influential and ever so sexy blog) yet, despite the fact I would never have been flush enough to buy it under normal circumstances, I will still look down my nose at those poor unfortunates who couldn't afford to buy it either and have to make do with inferior items from high street retailers. Oh, you poor souls who have to plug your gaping voids with reduced for a quick sale aubergines. My toy comes in its own box, you know, and is tiny, so tiny, yet still more than enough for my tautly tight mouses ear of a fanny.

No, until you have tried the Lego Cunt Wobbler you have simply not lived. Noduled for pleasure, it comes in a variety of colours and is guaranteed to leave you gasping (usually when you tread on it, granted.) A timeless, simple design, it just oozes class and creativity. The corners feel nice. I wouldn't put it up your arse though.

17 comments:

Helga Hansen said...

I love it!! Especially as you can add other pieces to grow the collection!! Well done - I'm off to raid my son's Lego bin - I'll be gone for some time!

somechileanwoman said...

I shall use the Harry Potter themed ones. The wizard hats should feel good.

daisyfae said...

ooh - what fun! i wonder if the electronic ones with LEDs would provide a shock?

Curvaceous Dee said...

I guffawed - brilliant satire, poppet. (Wait - it is satire, right?)

xx Dee

Freddy said...

Someone tell the chilean bird that using the themed ones runs counter to the entire lego theory.

Any thoughts on something for the gentlemen? This damned recession is cutting down the opportunities to be toe-to-toe and we'll all be making do with whispered encouragements and the sound of buzzing..

True Lateral said...

Perhaps you can demonstrate the taut gymnastic capabilities of your cunt by inserting several of these, gyrating, and assembling a small Taj Mahal?

Suzanne Portnoy said...

Genius!

Trixie said...

I'll never look at my kids lego in the same light again.

Old and past it said...

We have a 2 thousand piece Lego Star Destroyer that doesn't see much action these days. If I break it up for sex toys do you think I'll be quid's in? Or would I get more by marketing it whole for the accomodating sex goddess with a "welly top"?

Old and past it said...

Freddy: I fear that we are supposed to get off on the masculine pleasures of poring over the 60 page instruction manuals and diagrams that accompany these little plastic bricks. They leave little time for toe-to-toe.

somechileanwoman said...

Freddy -the Harry Potter themed lego characters are still noduled for pleasure at the feet so its not completely counter to the entire lego theory. I like both the noduled feet and the wizard hats, bite me!

Freddy said...

chilean.. bite you?
ok
your place or mine? (see previous posts about finances)

somechileanwoman said...

Freddy -I live kinda far. You'll just have to dream about it for this 'bird' is too broke to fly -damned recession!

Carnalis said...

beware of imitations .. the Megablok piece that i recently sat on failed to deliver any particular satisfaction.

somewhere in the 'playroom' we have a pair of teeny weeny lego handcuffs .. and a whip too. *looks smug*


ps .. i still buy my own toys *sigh*

Luka said...

Helga - always happy to help inspire you to pervy new heights.

Some Chilean Woman - Wizard hats and wizard sleeves - it's all magical.

Daisyfae - more of a tingle, I'd have thought.

Curvaceous Dee - are you implying I might make stuff up just for fun?

Freddy - I shall see what I can knock up for you from Meccano.

True Lateral - I would, but you know how it is. You never end up with as many bricks as you started with.

Suzanne - thank you!

Trixie - I have soiled your mind.

Old and Past It - leave it whole and market it as a Chocolate Starfish Destroyer for the more extreme end of the market.

Carnalis - only the original and the best will do. I am sure you will get sent a crate of Cunt Wobblers soon x

Walker said...

The have larger industrial size ones here but I don't think it could ever replace the washing machine unless you can glue them it on a potters table and spinning at the right speed

Luka said...

Walker - I shall put that on my Rainy Days Project list.