Sunday, 28 December 2008

2008 Boudoir Retrospective

Yes, it's time to settle back with a glass of sherry, amid the discarded wrapping paper, pine needles and mince pie crumbs, and reflect upon the year gone by. 2008 has been an exciting rollercoaster ride of nudity, swearing, blog drama and doggerel. Come, take my hand and stroll down memory lane with me.

January

While many were succumbing to post-festive season depression I lightened the mood with my hilarious Top Tips for Satirical Sex Bloggers. Why I didn't get some sort of award for it I'll never know. Not content to rest on my laurels I went on to post on the problems of dealing with Smelly People. I didn't get an award for that either, but I did get a strong reaction from Mystery Blogger Q who, mistakenly believing the post to be aimed at him, was so incensed he had to close his blog, change his name and start anew elsewhere.

February

Unperturbed by the maelstrom of Blog Drama ensuing behind the curtains of the Boudoir, I treated everyone to my thoughts on the vanilla sex lives of the animal kingdom. I also took the piss out of blogger charity publishing and intimate hygiene products. The laughs kept coming as I offended several bloggers over my controversial "stop slagging off your spouse online when you're spending their money and leaving them with the kids while you're out shagging" point of view and got myself turfed off a couple of blogrolls.

March

This Scentsational post really set the tone for the month. I went on to issue my Sex Blog Challenge and post my first proper HNT. To my complete and utter unsurprise I garnered bucketloads of comments for that, and subsequent HNT posts, while the doggerel I slaved over for minutes at a time and lovingly shaped into bouncy rhymes was met with a collective "meh". This taught me a valuable lesson and I now only give poetry readings with my tits out.

April

In an attempt to prevent too many innocent bloggers becoming unwitting April Fools I posted a satirical swipe at those who shamelessly thrust their online begging bowls at all and sundry. (If these people spent less time online posting about expensive knickers and hotel rendezvous and more time working and saving they might not need to do so much fucking scrounging. Mind you, there'll be slim pickings in 2009 for blog beggars, given the current economic climate, that's for sure. We're all fucking skint now.) April also saw a new commenter, "Grundy Boyo", appearing on my blog. In response to his endless questions about the ins and outs of the sex blogging world I posted a helpful guide to Blog Drama Club.

May

The month opened with a shocker, as Grundy Boyo was unmasked as Mystery Blogger Q in an ill-fitting disguise. I laughed, I did. Mystery Blogger Q, however, did not and he was forced to close his blog, change his name and start anew elsewhere.

June

I only went and got a Fleshbot, and me an anti-sex-blogger and all! Who'd have thought it? June was the month I also celebrated my Blogoversary, for which I wrote a tedious review of the year, much like this one, which generated hearty congratulations and a mystery abusive comment. Heh.

July

The heat flooded both my brain and loins and I found myself helplessly ejaculating deviant filth onto my blog, which was rightly Fleshbotted for being so intensely arousing. Unsatiated I hotly thrust forward my historical bonkbuster, The Improbable Adventures of Hermione Saucebucket. Why that didn't win an award I'll never know.

August

In a fit of creative naughtiness I lampooned a bit of blog drama that was currently happening elsewhere. My faith in sex bloggers was restored as the lampoonees were most gracious about my silliness. In contrast I went on to post on the surprisingly few arsey comments I get for being such an unremitting twat in public, which itself only managed to generate one arsey comment. Tsk.

September

This was a busy month for me. I got reviewed (though the review site in question seems to have since died on its arse), listed as a Top Sex Blogger of 2008, and stopped doing HNTs. That last one was tough as in return for keeping my tits in, I had to forfeit those 30+ comments a week from people I don't know that said "HHNT!" In the end I just had to be strong and deal with the loss in my own quiet way.

October

My favourite month. It contains my birthday, which is obviously a cause for celebration, and Halloween, my favourite holiday of all. I spent most of October in a state of happy inebriation and over-excitement which meant that no one was offended and no blogs closed.

November

The concept of Tantric Sex Blogging was born. My thoughts on the Painful Truth of blogging led to a mild outbreak of blog drama while my thoughts on the Naked Truth about sock puppets, bizarrely, led to full scale supersized BLOG DRAMA of gargantuan, vein-popping proportions. In fact, Mystery Blogger Q was so incensed he had to close all his blogs, change his name, change it back again, re-open his blogs by invite only, close them again, and then relaunch them and start anew elsewhere.

December

The season of goodwill and it showed in my hardly mentioning sock puppets at all now I am aware of the offense they cause for some people. A time for sober reflection, I found myself musing upon the nature of Regret and then toying with some Lego. Then I decided to get my tits out and the comments rolled back in again.

All in all, looking back at 2008, I'd say that went as well as could be expected.

12 comments:

Helga Hansen said...

And what an interesting year you have given us... well done, and here's to another twelve months of angst, doggerel and good ol' fashioned laughs!

Some Chilean Woman said...

Only found you a couple of months ago but I did go back and read everything. I just couldn't stop! Looking forward to more -I'm greedy like that.

True Lateral said...

Thanks for all the blogging, I've enjoyed it.

Ro said...

It's been an entertaining year for which I thank you.

However, I would hope that you're not going to get complacent; I notice that you've only managed to truly offend one blogger, albeit numerous times, and I think you should aim to get at least two people so irritated that they throw their toys out of the pram ;)

That said, here's hoping that 2009 is an excellent year for you (and me too for that matter!).

Luka said...

Helga - thanks, I shall do my best to keep you entertained.

Some Chilean Woman - you read everything? I am impressed, and flattered! I shall endeavour to keep things coming.

True Lateral - you are very welcome.

Ro - I hear what you're saying, and I always do my best, but some bloggers just refuse to become angry and insist on laughing at the silliness of it all and then befriending me.

The Head said...

End of Year Report.

Luka has done well this year although purple on dark grey is still sometimes a little trying on the eyes late at night and the laughter often provoked can disturb the family.

Unfortunately Luka does not always play nicely and insists on tormenting and ridiculing others with rather unfortunate results for one particular person. Fortunately those she taunts aren't in her class so this really is not as much of a problem as it may at first seem.

Artwork and photography is of a consistently high standard with some rather excellent choices of subject, indeed it's often hard

to find fault.

In summary, it's difficult to see what improvement could be made although I'm sure others will point out areas I have missed. I'm sure Luka will continue to delight and amuse into the new year.

Walker said...

You ahve had a busy year filled with mystery, sex and action.
I can't wait to see what next year brings your way.

Carnalis said...

Your silliness is unsurpassed (that is meant to be a compliment - i hope it comes across so).

I hope 2009 brings more mystery comments, more poking fun, more lampooning PLEASE (and more poetry reading too *grins filthily*)

Jackie Adshead said...

I think you've done well this year Luka - have a gold star - and hope fervently for more of your wise words in the new year.

Luka said...

The Head - I must try harder, I agree. I hope to be made Head Girl next term and have left a space on my prefect badge for a gold star.

Walker - I am hoping for more of the same, but with more champagne.

Carnalis - I have always regarded being silly as a positive thing. More champagne = more poetry readings.

Jackie - woohoo, gold star! (Attaches it to prefect badge) I shall certainly do my best but cannot guarantee wisdom.

Sulpicia said...

HNY

Luka said...

Sulpicia - Happy New Year to you, too!