Sunday, 30 November 2008

We Are Not Ashamed

That's the cry reverberating across the blogosphere after claims of bad sex, sock puppetry and bin raiding were levelled at some of our Top International Sex Bloggers.

SHOCK REVELATIONS

After the shock revelations from the Boudoir last week there were fears, for some, that sex bloggers would be too scared to continue their activities for fear of exposure.

I can, however, exclusively reveal that nothing could be further from the truth.

NOT ASHAMED

"We are not ashamed of our hotel room antics," said Mystery Blogger X, when discovered hiding behind a skip in the Travelodge car park last night. "To imply that we have something to hide is disingenuous to say the least. I am very proud to be seen with my lover and she is just as proud to be seen with me. She's just popped into the skip for a moment to look for a contact lens."

SHITE BLOG

When quizzed as to whether last week's Blog Drama had impacted upon them in any way they denied, absolutely, that it had. "No way," asserted Mystery Blogger X. "It takes more than a comedy posting on a shite blog like BWB to get me in a lather. It would have to be something really offensive, like maybe referring to a"five-in-a-box chat session" to make me lose my rag. Obviously, in those circumstances I might feel a moments irritation, hunt down every commenter in email and then close all my blogs, but who wouldn't?"

PISS

"Quite so," came a voice from the skip. "I may not like the childish tabloid tripe that spouts forth from Luka on a regular basis, or want my lover talk to her, or, indeed, be prepared to piss on her if she were on fire, but I will defend to the death her right to say it. As long as she doesn't say it to me. Or him. Or them."

Mystery Blogger X concurred. "We really don't care what Luka writes in the Boudoir as long as we have each other. When you are as secure as we are, a few silly words simply don't matter. When we are bouncing around on that Travelodge mattress together, I barely pay attention to the laptop I brought with me and hardly ever bother logging in to email comments. The sex is just too good to stop for more than a quick gander at my reader."

Proud Sex Bloggers Deny Two-Bagger Claims - "this is just a bit of roleplay fun".

11 comments:

AlwaysArousedGirl said...

You are so terribly naughty.

If only I weren't the first commenter here, I would *definitely* take down the names of all the other commenters and email them instantly, telling them how terribly evil you are.

But wait...must go delete my blog first.

*poof!*

Carnalis said...

A Two-Bagger exclusive pic bonus! - you are spoiling us today, Luscious Luka, although i fear you might have blown your cover as a waiter's trolley.

Luka said...

AAG - better still, don't delete your blog, just go private! All the cool kids are doing it. You can spout any amount of shite then, but with no fear of comeback - it is a brilliant move for the terminally cowardly.

Carnalis - you'd think they'd stop inviting me on threesomes by now, wouldn't you?

puckrup said...

Your paperbag playmates give me the horn! Is there something wrong with me?

MonMouth said...

Now look here, this denigration of erotic sock puppetry just has to stop. It has many sensual uses. For example, it's great for small hotel rooms where you don't have room for the more intricate roleplay scenarios. Likewise, if the third party in a threesome fails to show up the puppet is handy stand-in.

Ultimately, what gets me about your attitude is the way you cynically use the sexual preferences of a defenseless minority for cheap comedy.

cordially,

Enraged of Cockfosters

Luka said...

Puckrup - yes, you are a Paperbag Pervert and there is a place for people like you on Fetlife.

Monmouth - how do you feel about finger puppets?

MonMouth said...

Why? Are you planning to start denigrating finger puppets too? I'll just have you know that some of my most pleasurable, formative sexual experiences have involved finger puppets, and I vehemently object to what is clearly a setup for some uncouth punchline on your behalf.

cordially,

Engorged of Cockfosters

Walker said...

I think I recognize that old bag.

Luka said...

Dear Engorged Monmouth - does this mean that Penis Puppetry is right out then?

Walker - at last! An old bag joke. I thought it was never going to happen! :)

Freak At Heart said...

LMAO, to be sexy and funny all together! Perfect!

Luka said...

Freak at Heart - that is truly the ideal :)