"INTERNATIONAL TOP SEX BLOGGER WAS BAD IN BED!"
That's the sensational claim an anonymous sex blogger made to our reporter at the Boudoir this weekend.
Our informer, who would prefer to keep their identity under wraps, says that the online Lothario claimed to be a raunchy, 5-times-a-night sex god in the lurid posts he published on his blog, yet when she met him in real life he turned out to be "utterly normal".
"If anything he was a bit bland," she said. "I was expecting someone larger than life, with an enormous todger and a sack full of kinky toys - a bit like a rude Father Christmas, I suppose. I should have known he didn't really exist. Instead he was a completely average, mundane mortal, with an unremarkable willy and a packet of condoms. Turned out he was more dud than stud."
When pressed for details our crestfallen correspondent continued: "Well, you know. He didn't make me wet just looking at him, I didn't come like a steam train during our first frantic fumble in the back of his van and he did not make me feel like I was being split asunder when he plunged into me. To be honest, he barely touched the sides.
I really feel there should be some sort of regulatory body set up to ensure this kind of blatant misrepresentation doesn't keep happening. I would hate anyone to go through the same disappointment and financial loss that I have. That's £3.20 bus fare I'm never going to see again."
Our informant concluded, sadly "I just hope my story serves as a warning to others. Those sex bloggers, they promise you the moon on a stick and a stick up the arse but the reality is that they often don't even know how to undo a bra and come in their pants before you've got your tights off."
Have you had a bad sex blogger shag? Contact our confidential informant line and give us all a laugh.