Saturday, 15 November 2008

The Painful Truth

There has been some discussion elsewhere on the nature of truth in blogging.

Which is a poncey way of saying that if you write honestly about real people then there is a chance that they may be hurt by your words. Oh, and that what you might perceive as the truth about a situation may not be their perception of events at all.

I write pretty much whatever falls out of my brain and onto the laptop with little thought to whether if might upset anyone or not. Well, that's not strictly true. I care about my loved ones, my family, and would, therefore, never post anything that I thought might upset them should they chance upon my online witterings. That's just inbuilt and automatic. Of course, I mainly post about the failings and frailties of sex bloggers and I don't really give much of a toss if they decide to get a cob on just because I've pointed out that Sugasm is a pile of tiresome old wank or something.

I commented on a post by AAG earlier this week where she asserted that if you read something about yourself on a blog that hurts then it's probably true. I gave an "amen to that, sister", as I was pushed for time and only had a couple of words to spare. Of course, many people pointed out that just because something hurts does not make it true. Lies sting just as much.

Nonetheless, in my experience, here at the Boudoir, I'd have to say that those who have thrown the biggest shit fits after reading a post of mine are those who saw themselves within it and found it didn't match their carefully cultivated self image. My caricatures don't make people look particularly attractive and not everyone can cope with being given the verbal equivalent of a comically big nose. Then there are those who want it to be about them, even when it isn't. If the cap fits, wear it, the saying goes, but fucking hell, I've known some who insist on jamming it on, pulling it down over their ears and refusing to accept it's not their size even when the brim comes off in their hands.

I've had all sorts of guilt trips laid at my door for the hurt caused by my cruel prose. What a load of cobblers. I didn't force any sex blogger to post pictures of various household items up their arse/write disrespectfully about their spouse/be a twat in public, I merely pointed out that they had. And that I found it funny.

So, what, precisely, caused the wounded feelings? It certainly wasn't that I had told an untruth. Quite the reverse. It is self sabotage, every time. We always believe the negative about ourselves and find it harder to accept praise. What we perceive to be the truth in another's opinion is what hurts.

12 comments:

AlwaysArousedGirl said...

You know, I just don't think that lies can cause *pain*. Irritation, sure. Confusion, perhaps. Trouble, definitely.

But why should something untrue hurt? It shouldn't.

It's only the true things that wound the ego.

:)

Morpheus said...

But why should something untrue hurt? It shouldn't.

So let's see. We're saying we can post what we like, because if it's true then we're entitled to, and if it's not, well, it doesn't matter because it can't hurt. Er ... except it can. Untruths can cause enormous hurt and damage, damage that can be almost impossible to undo. If they couldn't, we wouldn't need laws of libel and slander.

This thesis holds so little water, it's positively Saharan ...

Helga Hansen said...

I'd never be arrogant enough to presume you would be writing about me. That, and the fact sex doesn't feature much on my blog.

And I don't get Sugasm either...

I find your perspective amusing, and I do chortle, because you tend to say the things I am thinking!

Luka said...

AlwaysArousedGirl - a lot depends on the person in question I suppose. Some people react to reading untruths about themselves with a shrug, others spit venom (*waves*)and still others will tantrum and cry like a two year old who's just dropped their ice cream.

Morpheus - where has anyone said that "we can post what we like"? My argument is that you can't self censor on the basis that someone, somewhere, might identify with what you have written and feel bad or you would never write anything. What a bland, dull, Care Bear world that would be - a world devoid of satire - no Private Eye, no Spitting Image... no jokes full stop, they might contain a truth - or an untruth! - and wound someone's feelings. Bleh.

Helga - I am glad I can raise a chortle now and then! That's why I do this, after all.

somechileanwoman said...

I say it's Barbed for a reason...

Freddy said...

Morph's argument is with AAG I think...

That image of someone trying so hard to 'make the cap fit' should be in the Boudoir Hall of Fame.

MonMouth said...

So, does it qualify as a hurtful truth when my blog sinks down ever further in your blogroll because I haven't updated for five days now? Very motivational, this trick :)

x

Mon

Luka said...

SomeChileanWoman - and you'd be spot on!

Freddy - I can add it to my "best bits" when I do my annoying annual review at new year.

Monmouth - I know a few motivational tricks, as it happens. Don't worry, I am quite sure you will be on the rise again even as I type :)

Morpheus said...

No, Freddy. My argument is with a plainly falacious assertion. The mistress of this boudoir may want to make things personal (as she has, in fact, admitted), but I'd rather steer clear of the ad hominem - I consider it the refuge of the dim. You should try it yourself sometime.

Luka said...

Morpheus - Freddy was referring to the fact that your comment was in response to AAG's comment rather than my post. There's no need to get all ad hominem on his arse.

Freddy said...

quite!

But let's leave my arse out of this, it's spoken for.

Luka said...

Freddy - better your arse is spoken for than spoken out of!