Friday, 28 November 2008

Hide or Pride?

We all get those paranoid feelings from time to time. A bad hair day and no text messages can leave us pondering our desirability.

For those sex bloggers in relationships this can be particularly fraught. Are we really as great as our blogs make us seem, or are we, in truth, a bit embarrassing to be seen out with? Are our lovers proud to be associated with us, or are they ashamed and would rather the world think they were shagging someone a bit less wanky?

Well, here are my top ten tell-tale signs that your sex blog lover believes you bring more shame than fame:

1. They tell you it works better for them if nobody knows you are their lover. (They may well say it's because they are "intensely protective of their privacy", while posting a photograph of their naked bits and a graphic desription of how big a wet patch they can leave on velour.)

2. They do not leave coded, pseudonymed comments on your blog to subtly let on that they have nobbed you, even though you do so on theirs all the time, and even widdled on their laptop to mark your territory.

3. You are never invited to their place, even if they live alone.

4. During sex they close their eyes or stick their head in a pillow.

5. They tell you it works better for them with the light out.

6. They like you best ball-gagged and wearing a full face gimp mask.

7. They tell you it works better for them if they call you.

8. They like spanking because then they don't have to look at you.

9. They like spanking with an implement as then you aren't actually in physical contact either.

10. They tell you it works better for them if you are not exclusive.

Have I missed any?


Helga Hansen said...

8. They like spanking because then they don't have to look at you.

LMFAO!! I shall remember that the next time I get spanked!

Luka said...

Helga - well, to be fair, some people might get spanked just because they like spanking. But that wouldn't have been as barbed :)

somechileanwoman said...

Oh my man likes to spank, but he loves to look at me whilst doing it -he also makes me speak Spanish as he does it...greedy bastard!

Freddy said...

You missed 'only sees you if you pay for the room, and the petrol for the journey'

Luka said...

Some Chilean Woman - ah, I cna understand his greed, though. The Spanish tongue sounds so sensual, I am quite sure it enhances the spanking no end!

Freddy - ooh, yes, good one! And possibly stump up for a meal too.

Jackie Adshead said...

The pile of paper bags at the side of the bed.....? dual purpose of course - can be put over your head, or for them to be sick in.......... :)

Luka said...

Jackie - ah yes, indeed! The old "it works better for them if you are *both* wearing bags, just in case theirs splits."

Freak At Heart said...

LMAO you crack me up!

Luka said...

Freak at Heart - I aim to entertain :)