Hello, ladies and gentlemen, this is your Captain, Luka, speaking.
We are currently cruising at a height way above some people's heads and will be arriving at our destination right on schedule.
We did experience some turbulence earlier, due to excessive wind conditions emanating from the south. While we may encounter the occasional bump if we should hit another pocket of hot air, I am confident we are through the worst of it now.
I am sending my trolley dollies round with complimentary wine and cheesey biscuits and please do take advantage of the duty free offers available. I can heartily recommend the fags and booze and my new fragrance, "Eau de Twats I Have To Deal With".
Thank you for flying Luka Airlines. No, don't undo those seatbelts just yet.