Sunday, 5 October 2008

Reader's Question Time

In a reversal of the more usual "please email your questions to me (or, more likely, I'll make them up) and I will give you some half-baked advice" slot you find on some blogs, I would like to ask a question and receive the benefit of your cumulative wisdom.

What advice would you give someone who had inadvertently eaten an entire packet of Hobnobs the very day they'd vowed to lay off the biscuits for good? I know it's wrong but I can't resist the evil lure of that fucking seductive biscuit tin.

(I have similar questions regarding wine, chocolate, pasta, Kettle Chips and pies.)


lalita said...

Since it's a sex blog, I suggest you give yourself a good whipping

Ro said...

Convert to Catholicism. Then all you need to do is go to confession readily and you'll get your sins forgiven :)

B said...

2 answers.

1. If you break them before you eat them they don't count (look on the packet, it only gives calories for WHOLE biscuits).

if it is too late for that then I would suggest option 2.

2. counteract the sugar with some really salty crisps. Everyone knows savoury counters sweet. ;)

Anonymous said...

A good fast-acting cathartic?
A Good shagging--lots calories lost with a good fuck?
A finger down the throat?
A really good shagging?
Fuck over the calories with a really great shagging?
For fuck's sake do not convert to Catholicism--been there done that and there's really nothing short of murder or child and spousal abuse you need to confess.
Shag yourself silly with the man of your choice and forget about food.
Besides shagging is much more fun than food. :-)

Love you sweetie

Walker said...

The only advice i can give you is stop making vows

daisyfae said...

revisionist history. "what hobnobs? i do not recall the hobnobs..."

Freddy said...

Wear boxing gloves all day?

EmmaK said...

simple, convince yourself you did it while 'sleep eating'...this is a 'genuine' (in California) medical condition whereby people stuff themselves while asleep (usually hob nobs and never salad, mysteriously enough).
please get help:

Luka said...

Lalita - that sounds like the kind of demanding task that neccesitates the quick energy release of a biscuit or two.

Ro - but what about all those communion wafers (though the wine is a good thing)?

B - these are good options and I shall implement them forthwith.

Beau - fortunately the man of my choice enjoys the jiggly effects excess biscuit consumption has upon my body whilst in the throes of a good shag.

Walker - good advice!

Daisyfae - ah, closely related to "the tin was like that when I got here".

Freddy - that's going to prove tricky at toilet time.

Emma - sleep eating? Really? Well, I never. I thought that old chestnut about dreaming of eating a giant marshmallow and waking to find the pillow had gone was just a joke!

Ro said...

Have you not heard the standard advice? I thought all young women got told it:

"You don't have to swallow, just be subtle when you spit" ;)

Suzanne Portnoy said...

If you eat them before 4pm and don't eat any dinner, then you've eaten your calories for the day. Don't feel bad. If you had dinner after you ate the entire pack of biscuits, then you need to skip dinner the following day.That's how I approach binge eating and it seems to work.

Helga Hansen said...

I contemplated your problem while munching on a chocolate digestive. I thought long and hard, and before I knew it, I had eaten the whole bloody packet! See what you made me do!

I personally think that you had made your decision, and of course, you had to rid the house of these tempting calories. Throwing them away in these crunching times would have been a travesty!

Anonymous said...

Well darlin love--if the man in question enjoys the jiggly bits--what's not to love? Chomp away on those biscuits :-) Or as we say i8n the sex trade: that's the way the cookie crumbles lol


Luka said...

Ro - it is somewhat harder to be subtle when spitting out a chocolate digestive as opposed to other less obvious substances.

Suzanne - I tried that, and it worked right up to where the hunger pangs set in from skipping dinner and I had to have a cake.

Helga - I'm sorry, I know the terrible biscuit-consuming effect my problems can cause. Well, yes, I did do everyone else a favour by ridding the house of temptation and leaving them the healthy contents of the salad drawer instead.

Beau - *groan* - still, someone had to say it :)