Tuesday, 16 September 2008


I have never favoured a bastard over a nice guy. Treating me mean has never kept me keen. I'll opt for a considerate, thoughtful, compassionate man every time.

Yet there are still plenty of other women out there who, inexplicably, find total bastards irresistible. This in itself is not news and the loneliness of the nice guy and the success of the bastard has long been lamented over solitary drinks in late night bonding sessions between entirely pleasant, yet single, men.

With the advent of the internet and the increased popularity of blogging you no longer have to go out to the pub to see the allure of the bastard. This phenomenon can now be witnessed on your very own monitor in the comfort of your own home.

Along with the sad online tales of women done wrong, yet still in love with the cad in question, you can now read the thought processes and strategies of actual blogging bastards. You can read about how they are driven to do what they do because their missus has let herself go. You can learn about how they only accept offers from those with perfect bodies. You can read about how clever they are in their deceits, how many women they have on the go simultaneously, none suspecting of the others existence. You can see firsthand how little respect they have for women, how self-centred and unlikeable they are, how shallow, vain and dull. None of it is left to guesswork or chance, there is no doubt, no speculation, no "he's just a rogue" or "he just hasn't found the right one yet". No. It is there, in inarguable pixels, on your screen. He's an utter cunt.

What I find bewildering and perplexing though is the vast numbers of women commenting on these sorts of blogs in a frenzy of knicker-wetting hysteria. Not only do they quite obviously find this kind of cunt-like behaviour appealing and arousing, with their heavy handed flirtatious remarks and hearty slaps on the back for bad behaviour, they also turn on their own with a vicousness I find remarkable. "She sounds like a total bitch" they will say, of some poor unknowing woman who has had her failings blogged by a bastard. "Ditch her," they cry. "She deserved it," they screech, after a tale of shabby treatment unfurls.

If you have ever wondered what the kind of women who enjoyed taking their knitting to executions do in today's modern world I can tell you. They comment on bastard blogs. They wait for some cunt to virtually put his woman in a cart and parade her past their unsympathetic gaze so they can throw their abuse at her. "She's a witch," the bastard proclaims. "Burn her!" cry the harridans, wishing they could fling stones too. "Burn her and then fuck me, big boy!"

It is a strange competition for the approval and attentions of a total fuckwit. I don't really understand it, given my preference for the nice guy.

Someone enlighten me. What is the appeal of the bastard? Am I alone or are there others who find they prefer somebody who is pleasant to the women in his life? Or is the desire to be treated well by someone who genuinely likes you the last remaining kink? Is it now out of step to get wet for respect?

Edit: I am away for a couple of days now so forgive me if there is a slight delay in responding to comments.


Ro said...

I can't really tell you what women see in the "bad boy" though I've always assumed it was the excitement.

What I can tell you, though, is that I regard myself as anything but a "bad boy" and I've been pleased - and no little relieved! - to discover that there really are women who prefer to be treated with respect, gentleness, kindness and so on.

You are not alone :)

Carnalis said...

Destined to be my 'post of the year'

if Genuine Like is the last remaining kink, then i am in there .. gloved up and ready to roll.

unspeakable axe said...

I need to be more of a bastard.

Can you direct me to a few of bastard blogs so I can take lessons?

Luka said...

Ro - I am comforted that I am not alone. What pleases me is that you are definitely Not a Bastard Blogger yet you still generate a good number of comments, reassuring me that there are still a lot of people out there who appreciate a Nice Guy.

Carnalis - will there be an award to go with it?

Unspeakable Axe - go check out those specialising in infidelity. That's where most of the bastards can be found (though by no means all). I am sure a quick perusal will cure you of your desire to become more bastardly. It is true that the bastard bloggers attract hordes of "ooh you are awful but I'd fuck you" girlies, but then again, they are a bit thick.

Morpheus said...

Obviously a heartfelt post. I concur.

I've been discarded in favour of bastards two or three times (tip guys: if she starts calling you "sweet", it's time to call it a day), and it always used to puzzle me. I think the attraction might not be so much the excitement - hey, nice guys aren't necessarily boring - but centred around issues of self esteem, and the feeling some women have that they somehow deserve to be treated badly. It can be highly frustrating to be caught in the fallout of all that, but in the end there's little to be done. As Ro says, there are plenty of women out there who are confident enough to accept respect, etc, in the spirit in which it is offered, and return the favour. They're the jewels. Sure, the bastards get laid, but look at what they have to put up with in return.

As for why other women feel the need to join in the mob, well I think even the dimmest of men suspect that the concept of "sisterhood" exists only as a front against masculine opposition. Behind the scenes, it's every woman for herself, yes?


Carnalis said...

yes! most definitely an award, but not something to put on your mantlepiece .. can i cook you supper instead?

@axe - please don't become a bastard blogger. There is a world of difference between a man who fluffs up his feathers and denigrates women online, compared to those who really know how to make one whimper (if one wishes to).

Anonymous said...

Bad boys? you actually mean bad boy wannabe's right? I known 2 really bad boys in my life and I never ever want to meet another. As to the wannabe's: they're so hilarious in the exaggerated lifestyle and macho posturing--they wouldn't know a bad boy if one bit them on the ass. lol Now that doesn't meant they're not real bastards out there--I've known a few of those and frankly most women would be wise to kick them in the balls repeatedly and run like hell. But them there are an equal amount of stupids in both sexes so the playing field evens out lol

love ya sweets--be happy for me
cause I sure am :-)

Helga Hansen said...

I'd go for the nice guy every time. I only read one or two blogs concerning infidelity, but when the hounds start baying, I just stay away and not comment. Just one question... I knit. Does this make me a harridan???

Ms Robinson said...

I like bad boys on occasion and nice boys when I've had enough of them

Ro said...

Helga Hansen said "I knit. Does this make me a harridan???"

Only if you have the harridan pattern, otherwise you'll have to settle for making scarves and jumpers like everyone else ;)

Morpheus said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Morpheus said...

Ax: Carnalis is right. The "Bad Boy" (or "Bad Girl", come to that) act often emerges to cover up a range of neuroses and insecurities, and unless you share them, you haven't a hope in hell of carrying it off yourself.

True self confidence, rather than needy arrogance, is far more attractive, imho.

I Smile 2 Much said...

I'm the one who reads your every post. Shakes my head in agreement; but rarely ever comments here. You so often seem to say exactly what I'm thinking.

What's the word for me is what I'm wondering? I'm the girl who sees the arrogant egotistical bastard and feels the blood boiling inside of me. I somehow (underneath it all) feel the need to smack 'em all down a few notches, tell all the girls what an ass he truly is and remind these guys they are *not* the world's gift that they sometimes think they are.

I'm sure there's a word for girls like me. I just don't know what it is or else I wanna live in denial with it.

Bastard men aren't any better than anyone else despite what *they* think (LOL)

And yah.... it secretly makes me shake my head in disbelief when all their swarms of female fans want some of their attention. I just don't *get* that at all.


Ok, off my soapbox and back into lurkdom I'll go now ... *giggle*

Keep posting. Your posts are refreshingly real. And I absolutely luv it.

Suzanne Portnoy said...

Used to be a fan of the bastard, especially if he was charming and arrogant. Yes, I really did love those guys, especially if they made me laugh right before they took off on my son's bike and with my spare mobile phone to see another woman. Yes, I still think about that one. After him, I'd had enough. Now I only shag nice guys with deep neuroses who are perpetually confused and don't know what they want. I like to think I'm moving in baby steps towards one day meeting someone who has their act together. Well, I can live in hope, right?

B said...

at the danger of stating the bleeding obvious, surely the attraction of the 'bad boy' is the thrill of the chase? that and the mix of knowing you can't have him I would think is pretty much it. We would all like to be the tamer of the shrew. Surely? Well I would, anyway. There is no better flattery than to find yourself a cad and convince him settle down. (and they do settle down, as I think has already been mentioned, they are generally misbehaving to cover up some psychological hang up, which once fixed with the right girl they are only too willing to settle down)

My problem is once I have settled him I'd like to go off to my next project.

Of course women can behave as badly if not worse.

Miss Snuffleupagus said...

You're right about the advent of the Internet. People can sit there in their smelly trackies and lank hair, cybering up a storm, and they do. I've met more bastards through Internet dating than anywhere else, and I can't lay the entire blame at their feet. I have to share it because I partook, only to witness the freakshow; it made me feel like a frigging psychoanalyst, and I thought 'no more - ever!'. In normal circumstances, the random night at the pub, I'd spot the bastard straight away, but on the Internet, you go through chats, IM and email, and it can take time to glimpse the real bastard within.

Tara Tartly said...

luka, i get wet for respect...AND i like my boys bad. but i don't like douchebags. oh, and did i mention? i knit, too.

xo, tara

Riff Dog said...

I'm not really sure which blogs you would consider to be the bastardly ones, but I trust mine is not amongst them! ;)

I will offer a reason for women (or men) to follow such blogs (again, certainly not mine!) If a story is entertaining enough, then the hero or even subject matter is almost irrelevant. For example, my favorite TV show is Dexter, which is about a serial killer. Brilliantly done. And I find myself rooting for a cold hearted killer!

Personally, I don't read blogs to find nice people. I read them because they either entertain or educate me. If Dexter can somehow be a sympathetic character, then surely a simple adulterer can as well.

P.S. - In the unthinkable event that you are considering me to be in the bastards group, then are you saying you think I should keep dating Paige?

Luka said...

Morpheus - I think women can be insanely competitive and are not always as kind as they should be, but I would also like to believe that some of us try to do right by each other.

Carnalis - supper would be lovely! It will have to be soft and easy on the throat at the moment though. I just attempted to eat toast and spent a good 5 minutes choking over the sink.

Beau - you have a good point. I do believe some of the online bastards are just that - only bastards online, a persona created to draw in the readers. And of course I am happy for you! x

Helga - only if you have the urge to do so while watching heads roll.

Ms Robinson - I only like bad boys when they get their comeuppance. A bit like the surge of guilty pleasure you get when an annoying kid falls over.

Ro - heh. Funny.

Morpheus - true self confidence is so hard for others to accept though. I know from the reactions I get online that the difference between self confidence and perceived arrogance is a small one.

Luka said...

I Smile 2 Much - I like seeing you on your soapbox, you must delurk more often! Girls like you who can see through the hype are observant, which is as good a name for it as any. And thank you for the lovely compliments x

Suzanne - ouch. Now that is a bad boy. I think we can call that progress, yes :)

B - Oh, absolutely women can behave as badly as men. I am not sure bastards ever become truly tamed. They just grow old.

Miss Snuffleupagus - yes, it's hard when you can't read the body language and subtle signals. You can tell if someone is a bit shifty, a bit of a Jack the Lad when you can see them darting glances over your shoulder to see if someone more attractive has just walked in, but this, of course, is impossible online.

Tara - douchebags are never good. I had no idea you were a knitter as well. I have so many readers who are good with their fingers!

Riff Dog - I never name and shame - I lay out the dimensions and let the readers decide who they believe the hat fits.

I see your point, but this, surely, leads to some blurring of the distinction between fact and fiction? Yes, a story well told can lead to the audience being engaged with a traditionally unsympathetic character, but this, for me, all hinges on the fact that it is fantasy. In reality I can't see myself rooting for Peter Sutcliffe or Ian Brady no matter how entertainingly they told their story.

Shay said...

I was always under the impression that the only way a woman stays with a bastard is if he manages to convince her that she doesn't deserve better (or if she has already convinced herself).

Luka said...

Shay - that's a valid point. I know several lovely ladies who seem to give endless second chances to total toerags, simply because they don't believe they are truly worth more.

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