Being a Top Sex Blogger of 2008 (official) you would think the free sex toys would be thrusting, gyrating and vibrating their way through my silicon-lubed letterbox in their droves, wouldn't you?
But no. I have received fuck all on the freebies front. So, if, like me, you haven't been sent a free sex toy to review because you haven't littered your blog with adverts and are prone to honesty, despair not! I am here to help you make an informed choice as to what everyday household items can also be used as sensual playthings.
Leaving aside the obvious choices (cucumbers, electric toothbrushes and sitting upon the washing machine when set to the spin cycle) there is much to be said for exploring more obscure yet creative options. Yes, today we look at the erotic potential of the humble tea towel.
One of the big selling points for the tea towel is that most of us already have one, they are easy to clean (simply toss into the washing machine - then sit on it for the spin cycle if you are still hot to trot despite all your hot tea towel action) and come in a variety of colours and designs. Feel like getting kinky with something adorned with the legend "A Gift from Cornwall" or pictures of steam trains, kittens or maps of the county? No problem. Want to do something unspeakable with a piece of fabric embellished with the butterflies of Britain, London buses or scenes "Frae Bonnie Scotland"? The tea towel can meet your needs, no matter how bizarre or specialised.
Folded over they make a wonderful impromptu blindfold. If you have a drawer-full of tea towels languishing unused, why not go for the full BDSM Tea Time Scene? With your partner securely bound to a dining chair with tea towels, blindfolded and gagged likewise, you can then torment their helpless and vulnerable form with a flick of the wet tea towel you now brandish. With a bit of practice and a quick snapping action of the wrist you can arouse them until you can hang your tea towel off their nipples. If you want to play out the entire scenario you can then move onto fun with sugar tongs, biscuit crumb torture and hot and cold play with chilled teaspoons which you then warm up when stirring your hot tea.
NB. Do check your partner was up for the BDSM Tea Time Scene and didn't just genuinely pop by for tea. The vicar still won't meet my eye these days.