Thursday, 14 August 2008

Nude

That's what it said on the packaging. "Nude".

The actual shade is akin to all those other variants on the flesh colour theme - tan, bare, natural - in that it is nothing like any human skin tone in existence. It is the kind of colour that an alien might think humans are if they had never actually met one and their only source of reference was a broken television with the colour saturation permanently set to extreme orange. It is much like "flesh" coloured Elastoplasts or hideous surgical appliances that have been rendered a kind of dirty salmon hue in the misguided belief that this makes them less obvious on the body than something in a nice shade of blue or something.


Actually, in these photographs the stockings don't look too bad. They are not the same tone as my lily-white thighs, or more tanned hands, of course, but then again my natural skin doesn't have flowery patterns or a slight gloss sheen either, so maybe I am being too picky.


Bruise Update:
As you can see my bruise has now entirely faded. I never did know for certain what caused it but I enjoyed Angela-la-la's suggestion a great deal. It involved all my favourite elements - an abused cucumber, alcohol and lard. She therefore wins my special prize of a virtual tiara, bunch of flowers and a bottle of Taboo.

If you've been affected by any of the issues in this blog post you can call Luka's Bruise Hotline or contact my Flesh Tone Support Group. Calls cost 50p a minute and may be monitored for training purposes, or just for a bit of a laugh.

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

MY but you are a beautiful woman, my love--and you have beautiful hands--I would love to experience those hands on me--anywhere you wish. Your legs look wonderful in those stockings; the color suits. I have visions of those thighs and those hands and...I'll save the rest for my fantasy of a afternoon lovemaking with you, darlin'. And maybe if you're good write you about it. ;-)

Beau

An Artist Exposed said...

I love your thumb and fingers resting on your thigh - a very kissable, strokable and biteable thigh it is too. HHNT!

Angela-la-la said...

I won? Moi?! ;)

But, about the prize... darling, you can't send virtual flowers to a florist, it's like sending cyber cum to a sex blogger! May I please request a cucumber instead? I have a pound or two of lard going spare at the moment*


* Seriously. I could do with eating some salad!

JZ said...

I'm going to print out these two out and post it on top of the toilet for the days and weeks to come. Thank you very much.

Southern Sage said...

looking good Luka, you are right about the color not being close ever.
Excellent
HHNT!

Biscuit said...

Who cares what color they are? They look damn sexy!

Curvaceous Dee said...

They may not be 'nude', but they do suit you. Lovely :)

(My snark is turned off today. I'll try to leave some tomorrow to make up for it!)

xx Dee

Sulpicia said...

I am SO traumatized by this post. But I'm broke. What's a girl to do?

Kittie Kate said...

that color looks great on your legs!

Happy HNT!

Carnalis said...

we were forced to wear a particular shade of orange tan stocking at school - am still traumatised.

Your colours, however, are lovely.

d2b said...

Hot and sexy, I'm with Biscuit - they look damned sexy anyway... And the content in those stockings - just WOW ;)

Happy HNT!!

Lilly said...

Beautiful pics lady! I always hated stocking colors. My mum always looked odd, buying ones 16 shades darker than her skin tone *sigh*

"nude" my snow white ass!

But they ARE pretty and being thigh high makes up for it ;)

HHNT!

anna louise said...

You have such sexy legs in stockings

Lapis Ruber said...

I love the sheen in the closeups. Happy HNT.

Luka said...

Beau - I shall look forward to reading all about it :)

An Artist Exposed - it is comfortable too!

Angela-la-la - yes, you are teh winnah! Well, if you really want my cyber cuke, knowing what it's been through, I shall run it under the tap and present it, thusly.

JZ - makes a change from a knitted dolly toilet roll holder I suppose.

Southern Sage - I know, what is it with the makers of these things?

Biscuit - thank you! Sometimes the simplistic approach is the best way of looking at these things.

Dee - thanks, my lovely. You don't have to be full o snark to impress me. Big lovies to you x

Sulpicia - was it the thighs? They can have that effect....

Luka said...

Kittie Kate - does it? are you sure?

Carnalis - we had to wear big navy blue knickers. Best days of your life my arse.

d2b - oh, you are way too kind, but thank you muchly.

Lilly - I can forgive them their dodgy colouring for their attractive lacy tops.

Anna Louise - thank you.

Lapis Ruber - the gloss makes them smoooooooth.

Indigo said...

You have gorgeous thighs!! I would love to run my hands over your entire body, make sweet love to you all throught the night and day and night and day . . I know what women want... you are beautiful my dear, truly

Helga Hansen said...

I love the sheen on those pins of yours! I can't believe you were wearing stocking in summer, though!

I'm not really a stockings sort of woman... something to do with my chunky calves and thighs!

Tom Allen said...

As a guy, I'm always confused about why you have 20 different colors, all of them called "Nude."

That, and why do you have another 20 different words for what is essentially "beige?"

Amorous Rocker said...

You are beautiful. Those legs of yours, so lovely! Happy HNT!

MarcelloNYC said...

Wow that is so sexy and teasing!

HHNT!

Maeve said...

I need to add one of these to my lingery ....

Ro said...

Given the range of skin tones, "nude" would have to be transparent which would rather defeat the point!

Those, on the other hand, despite their description look rather nice :)

Happy HNT ... or should that be HNF? ~blush~

Luka said...

Indigo - wow, thank you! You do indeed know what women want.

Helga - I didn't wear them for long.

Tom - it is one of life's grat mysteries. It's the same with the myriad shades of pink or red when trying to choose lipstick.

Amorous Rocker - cheers me dear!

Marcello - I try....sometimes.

Maeve - it is a Marks and Spencer essential.

Ro - Happy HNF indeed - where the hell have you been? :)

Ro said...

It's a combination of taking on responsibilities and having a second- or third-rate computer and an even worse Net connection!

Forgive me ...

Ms. Lily said...

That is why I prefer black, glad you are healed. Since I'm late I'll tell you I love the shoes on your new post, they are sooOooOo cute!!
HHNT

Luka said...

Ro - I'll let it slide just this once... :)

Ms Lily - thank you. I was late getting around everyone's posts too this week, so no worries.