Sunday, 17 August 2008

Giving to Receive

I have known him for over half of my lifetime. We see each other every day.

Yet, at the prospect of some rare time alone together, I was still as excited as I would be at the thought of seeing a long distance lover.

My preparation began in the morning, in the shower. My anticipation continued through my working day. Once he was on en route to me I raced upstairs to change into something wildly impractical and uncomfortable and waited for him, alluringly, among the playthings I had so carefully selected and arranged in advance.

It was worth the time and effort. What transpired upon his arrival in the Boudoir would be worthy of a Fleshbot, Sugasm listing and some sort of award from the Sauce Board for the kind of mind-blowing kinky sex that can be heard from space, if I were the sort to pen such intimate details.

Luckily for you I shall draw a discreet veil over the sticky bits and move straight on to the cosy cuddling up afterwards with a good curry and a DVD.

That's what I call a good night in with the other half.

Do I sound smug? I suppose I might do. There are a lot of sex blogs that wax lyrical about the pleasures of a lover. Tales of hotel room encounters and stolen moments. There is much crowing about capabilities, much strutting and posturing over sexual prowess. There are blogs which feature a different partner in every titillating post. In the Boudoir I like to redress the balance and remind everyone that excitement, passion, creativity and great big duvet dousing orgasms are not the sole domain of the illicit lover.

It takes more effort, of course. You can't just opt out of your responsibilities and bugger off for a bit, while claiming to be at a conference, for example. You have to take care of the mundanities of everyday life in order to clear a space for hedonism and that is sometimes hard work. Of course, that is why it is so much easier not to bother sometimes, lament that something is missing and go looking for an instant fix.

The problem with that, though, is that you still have to return to your real life at some point. A temporary time out doesn't mend whatever is broken at home.

Now, I know kinky sex and curry isn't the answer to all marital difficulties, but I do feel that any sort of effort has got to be beneficial. Some bloggers invest so much in a lover, not just having their affairs, but paying for hotel rooms, gifts, meals and so on, and then writing them up in lurid detail afterwards that I wonder how much equivalent time, money and attention they have left to give at home. But that is the drawback of judging people from what you read on blogs, as what you see is completely one-sided.

I can only try to learn from my own mistakes and be grateful that I am fortunate enough to have a husband who wants to make the effort too.

Update: Since publishing this post I have had an online chat with Mystery Blogger Q who says that I come over as sanctimonious. I would just like to re-iterate that I hold these opinions because of the choices I have made myself, sometimes ill-advised ones. I am not, in this post, "berating" people for having affairs, for that would be hypocritical of me. I am, rather, saying that giving an equal level of care and attention to one's spouse as one would to a lover is a mutually beneficial act that reaps dividends. I've gone on about this before, I know, here and here.

28 comments:

Sulpicia said...

At the risk of sounding mundane... I fucking loved reading this post. Yours, S

Carnalis said...

you don't sound smug at all, just happy. A delightful perspective, and one that should be celebrated more often. I can't tell you how much i yearn for a warmed-up curry and a messed-up bed xx

Ellie said...

I have very little patience anymore for cheater blogs and I've glad you've said something about them. Of course not all of us that have lots of hot lovers are cheating, there are those ethical sluts out there (like myself) that are actually honest with EVERYONE involved, including the readers.

ceeej said...

Now that's kinky, sex and curry.. Must make your eyes water a little though?

Perhaps the mystery bruise was from a misused onion bhaji?

Or did I misread some of that?

Luka said...

Sulpicia - I am glad you enjoyed it. You never sound mundane.

Carnalis - thank you. Both my husband and myself have both been through a long and circuitous route to reach this point. I really don't want to stuff it up now.

Ellie - I have nothing but admiration for the truly ethical. Total honesty is an ideal I aim for but have not yet entirely attained.
I am working on it though.

Ceej - That's why I always rest my face on a naan bread, to absorb the tears.

Amy said...

I love reading about hot conjugal sex, even if you refuse to give us the juicy details, beyatch. Sanctimonious? Don't see it.

Just be sure to have the curry AFTER the sex. It can be awkward if you reverse the order.

Or terrific, depending upon your kink.

Luka said...

Amy - details assume my readers have no imagination, and those who frequent the Boudoir are far more creative than the common herd who need a picture of an arse at the top of each post in order to remind them what one looks like.

Morpheus said...

You're right. Strangely, my experience is that marital lust peaks somewhat just after the end of an extra-marital dalliance. I suppose that's just an indication that even though there may be others around, it doesn't imply a loss of desire or respect for one's spouse.

Oh, and don't knock the arse motif. Some of use can't get enough.

Morpheus said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Freddy said...

"....who need a picture of an arse at the top of each post in order to remind them what one looks like."
I can think of some who would need only to look in the mirror for such a reminder.

Great post btw

Beautifully evocative and yet insightful too - just what we expect from the boudoir

Luka said...

Morpheus - I imagine it varies from situation to situation. For myself I would hope I have not peaked just yet. At the very least I aim to sustain my current level of marital bliss for as long as I can.

Actually, I can see how a motif is a useful addition to a blog. Much like medieval shop signs, they are a quick visual clue as to the content one can expect. I have barbs, you have arse.

Freddy - thank you. I particularly like the use of beautiful and evocative in this context :)

Carnalis said...

*hysterical laughter*

How like the animal kingdom we become - flaunting our wares/deterrents.

Have you ever felt like suing a blog for mis-selling on the basis of their banner? I have.

may your barbs be ever sharp .. and marital bliss on the up and up x

Luka said...

Carnalis - yes, there is much puffing of chests, much crowing and much ruffling of feathers. There's bit of cock in all of us at times. Fnarf. x

Carnalis said...

a bit of cock in all of us?

*wiggles arse*

don't forget the fluffing ..

Helga Hansen said...

I get the feeling I could get done for mis-selling on the basis of my banner... I chortle at the number of people who Google "knitting with one needle" and land up at mine! :D

And while I am an exhibitionist (of sorts), I like my sex behind closed doors...

Luka said...

Carnalis - you are asking for a spanking...

Helga - yes, but imagine their delight when they arrive on HNT and discover something for more arousing than woolly jumpers.

Anonymous Boxer said...

You don't come across as sanctimonious, at all. It makes me happy to think that you're able to still have "Sexy Hot Marital Sex" - and I can't agree more that it's soooo much easier to "stay home". ;-)

Luka said...

Anonymous Boxer - thank you, I am always reassured to know that you're still in my corner :)

Freddy said...

I've been asked if my mirror comment is directed at anyone in particular. It's not, although on reflection it could be self-criticism. Equally it could be directed at any of the unsurprisingly large number of arses who bottomfeed in the blogosphere.


PS .. If you need any help disciplining Carnalis.......

Morpheus said...

Freddy: You're so right. Which reminds me - are you still blogging? We all used to enjoy the way you wrote about your own spouse.

Oh, and thanks for the best laugh I've had in ages. Discipline Carnalis? Tres amusant! Better men - much better men - than you have tried, and failed

Mind you, you never know. You do, after all, fit the demongraphic much better than some, old man.

Ro said...

Ouch.

Luka said...

Freddy - "arses who bottom feed" - heh. I like what you've done there with the butt theme. Thank you for the offer, but I have her in hand :)

Luka said...

Morpheus - is "demongraphic" intentional or Freudian?

I think there are many bloggers who would do well to look to how they treat their spouses online. Disrespect comes in many forms, from the prose that denigrates to the photographs of lovers on supposedly "family life" blogs. It is so easy to cast the first stone, but people who live in glass houses should make love in the basement.

(I am going to ignore the Carnalis chest beating as it's way too silly. All I would point out is that the only commenter resorting to the ad hominem attacks that you are so very fond of banging on about, is you).

Luka said...

Ro - I blame the E numbers in the blue Smarties myself.

Carnalis said...

*fetches baby oil*

*lights fire*

Luka, would you like a marshmallow for the end of your big stick?

Morpheus said...

Ad Hominem? Oh, I'm sorry, I've obviously misunderstood. I've seen so many personal attacks on here over the months I thought it was the done thing. Clearly, the rules are not what they would appear. Not for me, in any case.

Forgive me. I'll leave you alone to your fun, and maybe find some way to disrespect my spouse that might be acceptable to you - shouldn't be too hard, looking around. Carry on.

Luka said...

Carnalis - can I have a big ol' sausage?

Luka said...

Morpheus - you poor, poor baby. You are right, it is shameful that I should point out the errors in your argument and remind you of your own decrying of "ad hominem" attacks.

Please reconsider your decision to leave - comments of your caliber are such a fun contribution to the Boudoir!

I can only apologise for the terrible experience you have suffered in my comments box.

Please try to understand that you a victim of your own intense charisma. You shape my every waking thought and action. Every comment here, every post, ever made, referring to anything, ever, is all about you. You truly are that fascinating and neither my commenters or myself have anything else going on in our lives or intruding into our thoughts at any time than *you*.

You charismatic, compassionate, good-humoured love god, you.

In fact I'm thinking about you right now, and I'm tearing up at all the injustice you have to face.

*sniff*

It's just not right. You're so lovely and giving, honest and upfront. Can you ever find it in your ample and loving heart to forgive us all for indulging in comments that implied some people on the net might be a bit of an arse?