Tuesday, 12 August 2008

Condensed Blog #3

The third in an occasional series aimed at the busy reader who simply hasn't the time to plough through lengthy posts on other blogs. No time to catch up with the latest in personal abuse, blog drama and blatant mischief-making? Well worry not, I am here to encapsulate the experience for you in one easy-to-swallow tablet.

Polymorphously Adverse

You're a Very Naughty Blogger and I, Personally, Don't Like You

I personally find this kind of pseudo schoolgirl smut utterly abhorrent. There I was expecting some full on tits and arse with this week's Shitasm list (fuck knows I don't read that dross, but I do like to look at the pictures to help crack one off) and instead I see that Naughty Blogger has changed the anticipated image to one that she prefers. She is worse than Hitler.

Now, I personally don't like Naughty Blogger. The reasons why are none of your business and not important, but what is your business and very important is that you know I don't like her, personally. I don't mind grown women getting their tits out but to encourage models to pander to these kind of deviant tastes is just revolting. These models are not only trying their best to look underage but they are also obviously men. Not a genuine knocker to be seen, and you know how much I crave tits. Never mind barely legal, these are barely convincing. This is a violation of the worst kind. And exploitative too. Probably. Personally, I have gone right off Naughty Blogger. You might like her, but, personally, I don't and I hope you all know it.

Posted by Randy O. Gitt at past afternoon nap time

Labels: You're either a slut with fantastic knockers who is prepared to get them out, or you're against me. Which is it?

Condensed comments:

"Underage porn bad!"

"All porn bad!"

"But those models are not underage and porn is not inherently bad. Telling the world you don't like another blogger, personally, muddies the waters unnecessarily."

"It's great that we have the freedom of speech to discuss this issue! Randy will be thrilled to see all the traffic debate he has generated when he gets back from his nap! Rock on!"

"I didn't like the picture because I am a parent."

"What the fuck are you banging on about?"

"It's the school uniforms, they make me uncomfortable. Won't somebody please think of the children?"

"You're a nutter. Anyway, the picture itself shouldn't be an issue. The fact is the models are legal, the picture is legal, it appeals to some, no harm done. I happen to think all porno pics on blogs are lame and wanky but I don't go around slagging off every dullard who thinks they need to illustrate their post with a pair of tits or we'll forget what they look like. OMG, maybe that's why Randy does it, in case he really does forget what they look like... "

"Leave Britney alone! Leave Britney ALONE!"

"Normally I'd tear strips off someone for this kind of publically posted, thinly-veiled personal attack and not permit myself or any of my friends to sully themselves by associating with such a shallow, offensive individual. But then you call me a slut and I wriggle in pleasure and forgive you anything. Smoochies."

"But surely the issue is still that we are free to post whatever imagery we like as long as no harm is being done and that making it a personal attack upon someone is a bit wanky?"


"Wow. It is so cool that we are free to have this kind of debate. Randy's just being helped out of his bath so will be here soon to join in the discourse! Rock on readers!"

"I think Randy's a tosser."

"So do I!"

"It's great that blogging gives us the freedom to air our opinions so freely! Freedom of speech is so cool. In that free spirit the comments are now closed, before anyone freely says something Randy might regret. Rock on!"


(Picture credit: Mandy T*Girl - a fine looking schoolgirl, in my opinion)


Lynsey said...

Will you marry me?

AlwaysArousedGirl said...

OMG I love you. Marry me, please.

Ellie said...

You win the internet.

Tess said...

I don't know who you are, but Ellie is right, you WIN.

Tom Allen said...



Yeah, I think you've about nailed it.

Anonymous said...

ROFLMAO--For fucks sake those dudes are butt-ugly to begin with--wretched Brit school teacher humour goes way wrong-- You're a love and hilarious lmao The intertubes are yours for the taking.

Your ever laughing Beau

Freddy said...

if ITV do give up their public cervice commitment then the BWB should take it up

Amy said...

OK, you need to start giving a citation for your mocks (like you did for cyrano). I love them but I know I'd love them more if I knew what they were mocking.



Luka said...

Lynsey - yes, dammit, yes!

Always Aroused Girl - I will! I will marry you all and create a new blog about my polyamorous lesbo love-in! Think of the tits, hits and wobbly bits!

Ellie - wherever shall I put it?

Tess - hello! Well, it's not about the winning* it's all about having fun.

*may contain traces of lie.

Tom Allen - then I have performed a successful condensation :)

Beau - aw, I have a soft spot for men in drag myself. The schoolgirl get up is a surprisingly popular one, as I discovered in my search for a suitable image.

Luka said...

Freddy - I am known for my good servicing.

Amy - my apologies, and you have mail.

Gabe said...

Oh, you win all the internets. All of them!

Luka said...

Gabe - thank you! But *all* of them? I am going to need to clear a space on the chaise longue!

Scribe Called Steff said...

Maybe it's just me, but right now I really want to dig out my Catholic school kilt.

Just please don't think about the children.

Hilarious posting, thanks for the snicker-snort-guffaw-choke.

Amy said...

Thanks for the link, luv.

Except now I feel like I need to take a toothbrush to my brain.

*goes back to hiding in her blogroll*

Luka said...

Scribe Called Steff - hello! I think you should dig out the Catholic school kilt immediately for that is an image which pleases me.

I am glad I tickled your funny bone.

Amy - there, you see, "be careful what you wish for"! I think we all learned a lesson here today. :) x

Lilly said...

That just ain't right....

I need brain bleach.

luka, you rock.

Luka said...

Lilly - I would offer you some but I used up all my brain bleach earlier.

Thank you!

Freddy said...

err, steff
can I add my voice to Luka's on the school kilt please

Carnalis said...

You're a Very Naughty Blogger and I, Personally, Love You

Luka said...

Carnalis - I love you too :)

Curvaceous Dee said...

I wish to smooch myself between your breasts and love you long time. But you won't leave Britney alone, so perhaps I won't!

xx Dee

Angela-la-la said...

I's confoosed :o/

Angela-la-la said...

I's confoosed :o/

Angela-la-la said...

Ooh, twice as confoosed. That's not good.

Sulpicia said...

You made all that up, right? (No, do NOT send me the link.)

Could we sort of have a gang marriage? I'll provide caribou meat for the feast... If you bring the fresh cucumber.

Luka said...

Dee - do your thang, baby, do your thang!

Angelalala - it is a confusing issue, I know, and it's a pisstake of a burning issue you can find over at "Polyamorously Perverse".

Sulpicia - I can assure you that nothing I make up can compare to the exhilarating and entertaining amount of pomposity, hyperbole and petulance of the original spat.

Luka said...

Sulpicia - I shall consider your marriage proposal, though you have gone a bit kinky lately and I fear for my virtue. :) x

Helga Hansen said...

I was confoosed too, but sort of guessed where to look to become unconfoosed. You're too good at this piss-taking stuff... way too good! :D

Riff Dog said...

Ha! You've definitely nailed his style!

Ro said...

They say that all humour is relief at not being the butt of the joke - that certainly comes into it when you get into this mood! I can't help being very grateful that I'm not in your crosshairs yet :)

Luka said...

Helga - I practice a great deal.

Riff Dog - hello! I wore my socks with sandals to truly channel the spirit and style of the piece.

Ro - I haven't seen your HNT offering for this week yet :)

Ro said...


Well, I've just gone back and edited my HNT offering - I've removed the detailed descriptions of rampant sex and all references to my studlike status and, of course, the full-frontal nude shot with my manhood standing proud.

Anything other than become a target of your devastating literary wit, ma'am ;^)

Luka said...

Ro - A very thorough ploy, although from the above I deduce that you have nonetheless failed to cover your arse :)

Ro said...

Luka, Luka, Luka ... what do you take me for? You check it out and you'll find I'm a model of upstanding morality. This week I am anyway ;^)

Richard said...

Wonderful post.

I had read the original kerfuffle on it's site, and thought I'd wasted minutes of my life, but this post of yours gave those lost minutes meaning again.

Thank you!

Brilliant work. Wickedly so.

Luka said...

Ro - that may be so, but your shapely buttocks were still on show in your sidebar :)

Richard - I thank you kindly.

Sheen V said...

Oh man! If a fully-grown crossdresser can't dress in a St. Trinian's outfit, who can?!

Luka said...

Sheen V - quite so! And I think they carry it off with great flair and fun.

Tom Paine said...

That's very funny, kudos to you! I appreciate a good sense of humor and an ability to find the satire in a situation, whatever one's point of view.

Anonymous said...


- that should be my tag line for my blog...

C. said...

Wonderfully witty send up of our blog!

C. said...

Oh, I forgot to add: "rock on readers!"

Luka said...

Tom - thank you, that is so nice to hear and very gracious! I think once you find the humour in something it can defuse some of the underlying tension.

Caroline - I think you should, it will confuse those naughty feminists you fight with :)

C - thank you, I am glad you have taken in in the spirit intended. Rock on!

Tom Paine said...

"I think once you find the humour in something it can defuse some of the underlying tension."

You know, I'll let you in on a secret: the only ones tense about this are some commenters who need to get away from the computer once in awhile and HAVE A LIFE! We had many laughs over the "controversy" and name-calling. I should feature this so others can enjoy the fun!

Luka said...

Tom - there is a danger of taking blogs and blogging far too seriously, I know.

I'm all for sharing the good times, bring it on!