Tuesday, 24 June 2008

A Year of Barbs - The Review

So, a year of barbs.

It's been a fascinating and abuse-filled twelve months.

In my very first post I explained why most sex blogs are crap. Looking back over a year of discourse and drama I can now say, with the benefit and wisdom twelve months of enhanced understanding brings, that most sex blogs are still unmitigated crap and everything I wrote then was incisive, brilliantly well observed and holds true today. Indeed the points I made then are now being espoused on other, more literate, blogs. That's how influential I am. Eventually everyone realises I was right all along.

Over the following months I went on to take a swipe at Sugasm with my hilarious Shitasms, had a pop at Fleshbot (WobbleArse/Wank Week Wound-Up), was rude about memes, ran a series of HMT (Half Mental Thursday) HNT rip-offs and posted numerous Fun Quizzes.

Despite my varied mix of topics and targets the search engine enquiry that brings more readers to the Boudoir than any other is still that for figging.

My uncontrolled glee at discovering this practice, with accompanying pictures, led to Blog Drama of unprecedented proportions. I still fail to see how me saying that putting something up your arse, photographing it, and posting it on the net is a funny thing to do is somehow more damaging to one's reputation than putting something up your arse, photographing it, and posting it on the net in the first place, but that might be because I am cursed with an annoyingly inarguable sense of perspective. And reality.

I then turned my attentions to the more literary school of blogging and pointed and laughed at that for a bit. This incomprehensible, narcissistic school of sex blogging is still alive and well and looking, dewy-eyed, into its own legume-plugged arsehole as I type. Endless posts on "why I blog", "why I am not like ordinary people", "conversations between my split personalities or with lovers who are not there", "observations on my cunt" and "words people use to describe me" (um... "self" and "obsessed" spring to mind) abound. I am very fond of these. They give me the most pleasure and are the most fun to lampoon.

I have posted about smelly people (which caused Blog Drama), being respectful of your spouse (which caused Blog Drama), online appeals, both for charity and for oneself (which caused Blog Drama) and then, who knows what gave me the idea, about Blog Drama.

I have been added to and removed from blogrolls more times than I can keep up with.

But it's the doggerel I love the most. A bit of jaunty, bouncy, bumpalong rhyming to let you see what is thrumming through my mind at any given moment in time. I never plan them. I never draft them. I sit down and bang them out in a matter of minutes. They are immediate and rough and unpolished. They don't get as many comments as me getting my cleavage out, but what can you do? People like bosoms. That's why you don't have Page 3 Poets or Ditty Bars.

So, here I am a year later posting my own wobbly bits in HNT each week and getting Fleshbotted. It's almost like the end of Animal Farm (the George Orwell novel, not the porno flick where someone fucks a pig.)

Those who say "but Luka, you used to mock these things mercilessly and now you are buying into the system" are correct. To a point. I comfort myself with the thought the the self-proclaimed elite of the sex blogging community still don't really get what I'm about and won't dirty their cum sticky fingers with typing comments to the Boudoir. Not when they are so busy giving each other awards and blowjobs and then posting about it and then winning an award for their blogger blowjob post. So I will never be truly assimilated. I am too wanky and annoying.

Plus I have the best commenters online. I am lucky enough to have people who will let me know if I start believing the hype and start down the rocky road to hits fever and total tosserhood.

Thanks, you guys. I know that every time you tell me I'm a twat, it's with love. At this rate I must be the most loved blogger online.


Angela-la-la said...

A busy year for the boudoir indeed. Congrats on the blogday, twat :)

Anonymous said...

Gads, Luka, me love, you literally had me rolling on the floor laughing me arse off. A brilliant reappraisal of a years worth of postings.The day you become a twat I'll be in line to tell you so--but I don't think that is ever going to happen. Basically it comes down to this: you have a sense of the ridiculous whilst viewing and commenting on human sexual foibles--and that raises you way above the herd of self-obsessed Lotharios and Messalinas and their play toys and ginger up the arse renderings. I mean who'd want to fuck a pig in the first place though I have known in my time a few dudes who fuck pigs on regular bases and get away with it with a crooked smile on their kissers. As for the doggerel: well, me darlin' considering other doggerel I've read on some sites, yours is none too bad. At least it's witty rather than shitty, if you take me meaning. So all in all me luv, you have a loyal following because of, not in spite of, your rollicking sense of humour and your love of language, and not least of course the wobbly bits which The Beau must say are delicious in their own right.
So here's to another year with your inimitable renderings on humanity and their wobbly bits--long may the wobble and long may you give us some of the best of the web-

With love and the usual posturings
Your devoted squalid, besotted, loving


Helga Hansen said...

WoW!! And to think I only arrived here three months ago! Thank goodness for archives...

Here's to more archive-building! Oh, and you're a twat... ;)

Just Bob said...

I just started reading your blog about two weeks ago, so I haven't gotten around to seeing all your naughty bits yet. Congrats on one year!

~Just Bob~

Walker said...

I haven't been here that long but I liked what I have read and seen so far ;)
Will be here for the next one :)

Anonymous Boxer said...

If it makes you feel better, I have never wanted to bare my ass until your lastest post.

Just sayin...

and you KNOW I love the blog drama.

bittersweet said...

i'm not sure i qualify as your most long-standing (so to speak) reader, but am prepared to wrestle for the honour ...


Anonymous said...


you win!


Ro said...

Just another 'umble newbie popping up to say ouch, ouch and ouch at the barbs that have stuck neatly in my side during our short acquaintance :)

I just wish I hadn't followed the link to find out what figging was. Sometimes, you know, it's nicer to have the past left in the past, ya twat ;)

Incidentally, I don't know if you were joking but I actually did see that version of "Animal Farm" at a big, university bash many years ago ... everyone was told it was the Orwell version. And the pig was only half of it!

Luka said...

Angela-la-la - thanks! Am feeling the love!

Beau - I am glad I made you laugh - that's always my main objective :)

Helga - the archives are well worth a read, if I do say so myself. And thanks for the love!

Just Bob - Thank you! Stick around and I'm sure there will be repeats.

Walker - excellent! Then we shall both be in good company.

Anonymous Boxer - I love that, I really do. Oh and the Blog Drama is so worth the admission fee alone!

Bittersweet - I think you and Freddy have been with me from the start. If I'm mistaken you may wrestle with me.

Ro - feelin' the love! Yes, well, I think figging is a practice that needs more exposure, I really do.

Anonymous Boxer said...

Bittersweet - I was thinking it was ME, but after researching... you win. No wrestling needed. :-) xxoo

bittersweet said...

AB - the offer is still there ;)

any other takers?

Trixie said...

Happy blogoversary you twit! (Twat's been used too often! Twit for twat and all that!)

Luka said...

Anonymous Boxer and Bittersweet - I think the sense of disappointment at the lack of wrestling is almost palpable in some quarters :)

Trixie - I can always count on you to be different! Feelin' the love :)

Amy said...

Hey, I was here at least NEAR the beginning, so do I get to wrestle too?

I STILL twat u a year later, Lukaluv!


Anonymous said...

Luka darlin' you wanna wrestle--my style?????
Any time any where--oh yes indeed.
Wow! I just got myself rigid lol


Amy said...

PS Today is the 141st birthday of the first patent for barbed wire. I just had to post to congratulate you!

Brian said...

Happy Blogday! (kinda) ;-)I'd never call you a twat, except when you're being a twat, which you never are or will be. Hugs!

Helga Hansen said...

We could use the jelly, and just munch on the ice-cream. It's all the rage at Cambridge, so if bright girls can do it, smart women should be able to wrestle in jelly too!

Luka said...

Amy - you were indeed! And a wrestle just isn't the same without you, you know that! And wow, what a coincidence about the barbed wire. It must have been fate. Feeling that love! x

Beau - you need some embrocation :)

Brian - thank you! And you call call me a twat any time :)

Helga - make it vodka jelly and it's a deal!

Facts and Friction said...

'So, here I am a year later posting my own wobbly bits in HNT each week and getting Fleshbotted. It's almost like the end of Animal Farm (the George Orwell novel, not the porno flick where someone fucks a pig.)'

What an analogy, very well done!

Luka said...

Facts and Friction - I give good analogy.

Charlene said...

I'm so going to have to go read your last year of posts~~~
thanks again for making my week with you compliments and helping me pop my cherry on my first HNT pic

Anonymous said...

You do make me smile, which is always a good start :)

Anonymous said...

Yawn. Another insecure twatess smugly showing her ego to the world.

Luka said...

Charlene - Well, there's lots to read that's for sure. If you like crap poetry and random sweary grumpiness you're in for a treat!

HornyMaleUK - I am very pleased to hear that!

Luka said...

Anonymous - yup! (The "yawn" doesn't work, by the way. If you were *that* bored you wouldn't go to all the trouble of hiding your identity, laboriously composing your Oscar Wildean retort and then putting warty fingers to debris-ridden, drool-sticky keyboard. And sitting here, knowing that, makes my day!)