When you chat online with somebody for hours, every day, for a few years, you get to know their little ways. Quite apart from learning all their likes and dislikes, grudges and gratitudes, you recognise their style of writing, you become familiar with their "voice".
Talented writers can disguise their own voice. They are able to empathise with other people and give a convincing performance, creating characters you can believe in.
Recently I have been contacted by a strange "new" blogger. I put new in quotation marks as the more I conversed with this character, in email and chat, the more familiar their turns of phrase became, the more their prejudices began to show and the more their true voice emerged.
It was, in short, the least convincing disguise since Bugs Bunny put on a pair of false eyelashes and batted them at Elmer Fudd.
I am left to conclude that this is either a symptom of a troubled mind, a manifestation of a split personality, or a laughably transparent attempt to try to get me to dish lots of dirt about my friends, confess to my evil plans to poke fun at completely innocent and hard done by literary sex bloggers and admit that I have strong, unspoken sexual yearnings for the person behind the ill-fitting disguise, aka Mystery Blogger X.
I am guessing it was the latter, given the number of "so, what do your friends think about Mystery Blogger X/you seem to be targetting someone, is it Mystery Blogger X/but what do you really think about Mystery Blogger X?" style questions I was subjected to.
Oh, dear, sweet, mental Mystery Blogger X. Your alter-ego was rubbish. Here are some top tips should you ever (and I hope you won't, as you really are very bad at hiding your inner self) attempt this again:
1. When pretending to be a big Luka fan it helps to say nice things to and about Luka. You should notice when she changes her icon picture in chat, for example, and you should be interested when she posts a saucy pic online. If you were truly keen to get to know Luka you would ask questions about her, how she is, what she likes, rather than about Mystery Blogger X all the time. You twonk.
2. If you are pretending to be a dog owner it is more convincing if you bone up (heh - did you see what I did there?) on breeds of dog beforehand and decide what kind you are supposed to have. You twonk.
3. When quoting me to a friend of mine, try quoting what you, in your fake persona, have been told rather than what you, in your real persona, have been told. That is what gave the game away very early on. You twonk.
4. Try imagining being someone else for just five minutes a day. It's hard, I know, but I believe you could do it if you tried. Imagine how you might think or feel if you were someone other than yourself. Try to live somewhere other than Planet Mystery Blogger X now and then and not only will this improve your creative writing and give you more believable characterisation, it will also help with your interpersonal relationships. You unbelievably mental and self centred twonk.
(Is it just me, or does this kind of thing happen to other people too?)