Some of you may remember my review for the Probulator 3000.
It was such a fantastically good and useful review that I have not been approached by any sex toy companies to review their buzzy bits of plastic tat. The miserable sods.
Well, fuck 'em. I don't need them or their overpriced bits of silicon junk. I shall henceforth review my own range of sex aids, beginning right now with The Brain.
The Brain is an amazing bit of design. If you were to remove it from its protective casing you would find it looks a bit like a cauliflower in a pool of blood. My advice is to leave it in its packaging and simply enjoy what it can do.
And, boy, what can't it do?
I find what works best for me is to simply relax and start my Brain on a slow speed. You really don't need to crank it up to full power to achieve amazing results. Even on the lowest setting you will find sensory input flooding your body and an array of arousing images playing across the inside of your eyelids. Whatever your kink or preference the Brain can provide a tailor made masturbatory fantasy to enhance your solo pleasure. And this is one sex aid that you truly can use anywhere.
Enjoyably, it can keep giving the good stuff for as long as you need. It does not require batteries or power cables. It does not have an array of speed controls and buttons to rival the flight deck of the Starship Enterprise. You won't find yourself fumbling with a sticky thumb to find the next variation on buzzy-zap-thrup. It will take you to the next level with effortless discretion.
Maintenance-wise it just needs a bit of a recharge every 18 hours or so and then you just open it up and away you go!
You do not need to clean it after use. A dirty Brain is not, unlike other sex aids, a bad thing.
Best of all it costs nothing and you already have one.