Saturday, 31 May 2008

Luka's Raunchy Review

Some of you may remember my review for the Probulator 3000.

It was such a fantastically good and useful review that I have not been approached by any sex toy companies to review their buzzy bits of plastic tat. The miserable sods.

Well, fuck 'em. I don't need them or their overpriced bits of silicon junk. I shall henceforth review my own range of sex aids, beginning right now with The Brain.

The Brain is an amazing bit of design. If you were to remove it from its protective casing you would find it looks a bit like a cauliflower in a pool of blood. My advice is to leave it in its packaging and simply enjoy what it can do.

And, boy, what can't it do?

I find what works best for me is to simply relax and start my Brain on a slow speed. You really don't need to crank it up to full power to achieve amazing results. Even on the lowest setting you will find sensory input flooding your body and an array of arousing images playing across the inside of your eyelids. Whatever your kink or preference the Brain can provide a tailor made masturbatory fantasy to enhance your solo pleasure. And this is one sex aid that you truly can use anywhere.

Enjoyably, it can keep giving the good stuff for as long as you need. It does not require batteries or power cables. It does not have an array of speed controls and buttons to rival the flight deck of the Starship Enterprise. You won't find yourself fumbling with a sticky thumb to find the next variation on buzzy-zap-thrup. It will take you to the next level with effortless discretion.

Maintenance-wise it just needs a bit of a recharge every 18 hours or so and then you just open it up and away you go!

You do not need to clean it after use. A dirty Brain is not, unlike other sex aids, a bad thing.

Best of all it costs nothing and you already have one.


Anonymous said...

lmao--true--the best sex aid ever! Not another like it--wouldn't be without mine. Portable, easily maintained--don't need anything beyond the imagination--and maybe a bit of lubrication--lovely thing the brain. :-)


Anonymous said...

I think my last comment got swallowed up by the internet. but I was just saying I like brains too.

the dirtier the better

bittersweet said...

and the more you use it - the better it gets.

Occasionally mine gets stuck on the overdrive setting, but excessive wanking resets things nicely.

meredic said...

Crumbs... I had no idea...I am going to have to get mine back again from the box and see what it can do for me!
Thanks for the hot tip.

Luka said...

Beau - yes, though some are lovelier than others. Yours is a particularly fine example.

Nurse Myra - oh, I hate when teh interwebs eat comments. But, yes, dirty minds are used minds.

Bittersweet - once you have located your reset button there's no
stopping you.

Meredic - always a pleasure!

Anonymous said...

Luka: you are a love, you know? Sometimes I wish this brain of mine would stop working and I could forget the past and all it entails, and that all it still so desperately means to me. My heart with rue is laden. Sometimes. Sometimes.
Rose lipped maidens, lightfoot lads.

Love, Beau

Anonymous said...

Do I really have one of those? I never knew. Maybe I need to get a refund on mine.

Walker said...

And the brain comes with it's own hardshell condom to protect you from all the slaps you get from what the brain makes you say LOL

Luka said...

Beau - never change x

Trixie - I assure you it is there. I can tell.

Walker - a necessary feature for the pair of us!

Freddy said...

ahh the brain, the brain, the largest sexual organ in the body...

I heard a doctor once giving a lecture on the power of the brain. He opened by reading a passage of breathless erotica and then asking the audience to deny that the mind could exert a physiological effect on the body......

but I digress....

Luka said...

Freddy - I like your digressions, you know that!

Anonymous said...

I loved your blog. Thank you.