Tuesday, 27 May 2008

The Kittens Post


You may be wondering what this fluffy nonsense is doing in the Boudoir. After the somewhat unexpected shit storm that raged due to my Class Wars post, I promised my next effort would be about cute, inoffensive kittens.

The interesting thing about kittens is that the way they happen is quite disturbing, from a human point of view.

The male cat has a penis as barbed as my posts. When mating these spines rake the walls of the female's reproductive system and this is what leads to the distinctive caterwauling one hears when cats are at it in the back yard at night. The pain of the barbs is the trigger for the female to ovulate.

No pain, no kittens.

I have pondered upon this disparity between brutal beginnings and cute, fuzzy results before as I have sat by the water's edge, watching the drakes gang rape a duck. They all pile on, pecking and holding her head under the water, quacking and fighting. Sometimes the females drown.

No near-drowning, no ducklings.

I think there is a definite metaphor for life to be found in these observations. The contrast of harsh and soft is, after all, encapsulated within the title of my blog.

So while I might cause unrest and caterwauling with my barbs, the end result of a fluffier, cuter world where bloggers stop being wanky and just have big eyes and fuzz, is well worth it.


Anonymous said...

Depends on the fluffy bits in the bedroom eh? And never mind the caterwauling--it's usually just unnecessary bombast--sound and fury, signifying rarely anything at all.

Your servant, m'lady

Jackie Adshead said...

I thought for a minute you'd lost it, but I see, with great relief, that you have not!

You're quite right, as usual, Luka, in that we need a bit of pain to give us the good bits, that we have to suffer (a little) to enjoy the great rewards afterwards because perhaps we wouldn't like it if life was fluffy and pretty all the time. So, as far as I'm concerned the world is a far better and improved place with a bit of barb every so often. Cos we all appreciate life better for it....... don't we? :)

Anonymous said...

Depends on the pain I guess--some is just damned unsupportable--losing the one you loved and were meant for. That's enough bloody pain for my life-time. I need no more. Thank the gods that be for my daughter.


Ro said...

Hmmm ... I have fairly heavy five o'clock shadow but it'll be another couple of days until it gets fluffy.

As for those cats ... evil little buggers, aren't they? Never, ever trust anything that looks so cute. It's just an act to lull us into a false sense of security - those teeth and claws aren't for decoration you know.

And as for those ducks ... I'll draw a curtain over that whole thing ;^)

Anonymous said...

Like the man said: Dogs have masters; cats have servants.

Helga Hansen said...

Blimey... for a moment there I thought you'd gone quackers, but I can see that you're actually still the cat's meouw! :D

In your own way you're still doing the sex blog thing - you're talking pussy after all! ;)

Luka said...

Beau - most caterwauling can be dealt with by a well aimed shoe.

Jackie - oh, I lose it several times a day! :) It's all about balance, I suppose. But yes, I am very aware that we humans want a much more sanitised version of life than any of the other living creatures that share the same planet.

Beau - yes, sometimes life is so brutal it can be hard to see the good in it.

Ro - but look at those big eyes! Cats do their own thing, which I admire. They don't give a fuck if you like them, as long as you feed them. Ducks look cute but have some very aggressive habits.

Beau - but they both lick their own genitals, which is a great leveller.

Helga - I am moving on to animal's sex lives now, how crap is that?

Nicey said...

My first visit to your blog, I will reserve judgement, although fluffyness is good, pain is not
I'll be back


Helga Hansen said...

Perhaps we'll find the animals' sex lives more interesting?! :D

Ro said...

You're right, Luka, I'd forgotten to mention the eyes. How unnerving are they?? ;^)

Walker said...

Now thats something I didn't know about the cats and I have been shooting them in the head to shut them up when all I had to to is shoot their peckers off.

Vi said...

Gawd, I'll never look at cats in the same light again!

Helga Hansen said...

Just had a thought.... do you think this may be why a pussy can be called "prick tease" material...

Okay, okay... that was bad... I'll stop now!

Luka said...

Nicey - hello, welcome aboard the Boudoir! Yes, do reserve judgement until after subsequent visits - things aren't always quite so punchy round here!

Helga - oh, I think that's highly likely!

Ro - they follow me round the room....

Walker - see, I am educational as well as offensive.

Vi - no, they have deeply distubing alien-style nobs.

Helga - *groan*

Anonymous said...

"moving on to animal's sex lives - how crap is that"?

not as crap as the day I blogged about snail sex.....

Luka said...

Nurse Myra - snail sex is a *great* topic!

Brian said...

Duck Sex explained.