Are you a good friend to have? Are you always there in times of need with a shoulder to cry on and an enormous bag of Maltesers? Or are you a self centred git who needs a good smack?
Take my fun quiz and find out!
1. Your oldest friend does not get along with some newer friends you have made. Do you:
A) Keep them apart and enjoy quality time with them individually?
B) Invite them all along to a party, ply everyone with alcohol and try to get them to see how much they have in common really?
C) Tell your oldest friend how much your newer friends think they suck and tell your newer friends how much your oldest friend dislikes them and then stand back and enjoy the fight?
2. Your friend has fallen in love and is at the annoying "I'm so happy stage" and regaling you with details of their last romantic encounter. Do you:
A) Listen with genuine pleasure for them?
B) Pretend to listen, smile and nod a lot, but be thinking about what you'll get for dinner really?
C) Listen for a bit and then tell them your lover does all that, only better, and more often and with more celebrity contacts and a faster car?
3. Your friend is having a tough time and is not their usual happy self. Do you:
A) Ask them what's wrong and offer helpful suggestions and comfort?
B) Try to cheer them up and take them out for a drink?
C) Tell them how much tougher your life is and chastise them for not being more supportive during your time of need?
4. You accidentally find yourself reading your friend's diary. In it they mention that you are a nosey twat who can't be trusted in a room alone with an unlocked diary. Do you:
A) Feel bad, close the diary without reading any more and confess, tearfully, to your friend that they were quite right and you are sorry?
B) Feel bad, put the diary back and keep schtum?
C) Read the rest of the diary to see what else they've said, harangue them for their harsh words and, when they express dismay or displeasure at your invading their privacy and betraying their trust, blame them for leaving the diary where you could find it, berating them for having written about you in their diary in the first place?
5. You have concerns about one of your friendships and worry that you are not as close as you once were. Do you:
A) Sit down and talk about any issues you have over a glass of wine and a nice meal?
B) Not worry unduly, relationships all go through their peaks and troughs?
C) Contact your friend anonymously, wearing an ill-fitting disguise and deploying a silly accent, to ascertain what they really think of you?
6. You have been discovered in a phone box, wearing an ill-fitting disguise and deploying a silly accent, leaving anonymous messages on your friend's answerphone. Do you:
A) Feel mortified and offer to make amends?
B) Accept you need help and make a doctor's appointment?
C) Blame your friend for having an answerphone in the first place, throw your false moustache at them and run away?
7. When your friend is successful at something you feel:
B) Pleased and slightly envious
C) Insanely competitive and bitter rivalry?
8. Your lover wants you to ditch your friend because they don't like them. Do you:
A) Tell your lover no way - lovers come and go but a good friend lasts a lifetime?
B) Keep your friend but only see them on your own, so your lover doesn't have to endure their company?
C) Ditch the friend, a fuck is worth a thousand friendships?
9. Your lover wants you to fuck their friend, as part of a threesome, even though you don't really like them. Do you:
A) Decline, politely?
B) Stick cornflakes to your genitals and pretend to have herpes?
C) Fuck the friend, moan about it in private and blog about how great it was in public?
10. A good friend is:
A) Someone you enjoy spending time with and who is always there for you?
B) Someone who shares your interests and makes you feel good about yourself?
C) Hard to find?
How did you do?
Mostly A - You make a great friend. Sympathetic, comforting. I'd be happy to go to the cinema or a walk through the countryside with you any time.
Mostly B - You're a good friend to have, always ready with words of wisdom and a bottle of Bacardi. I'm free next week if you want to come round to watch a DVD?
Mostly C - You are a friendless tit who spends a lot of time alone, and no wonder.