Tuesday, 13 May 2008

Eaten Alive

The drawback to the warmer weather and more exposed skin is that I tend to get bitten, a lot, by various insects who crave my sweet, wine-tinted blood.

So my golden skin is somewhat marred by big, red, itchy insect bites that I have to womanfully resist clawing into and dab, delicately, with soothing ointment instead. My decolletage has been viciously targetted this afternoon and I look like I am growing extra nipples.

It is most unfair. My friends and family do not get bitten at all. They claim that flies are only attracted to rotting meat but I am not pleased by this explanation and find I have to push them into the stinging nettles to even things out.


Helga Hansen said...

You should pop into Boots or Lloyds and get some insect repellent! I think you can get sprays and/or sticks these days, and they tend to work a treat.

Or you could drape a mosquito net over yourself, and pretend you're a delicious dish at a picnic! :D

Luka said...

Helga - is there not a chance people will think I have gone a bit Miss Haversham?

Helga Hansen said...

Lol... well, I'd rather have unbitten skin, with that citronella tang, than be covered in lots of extra nipples!! :D

Then again, maybe Mr Luka likes his woman all "nipply"...

Vi said...

Argh, it's the freaking pollen. Something is in the air that's making both me and one sun fucking itching like mad... and nothing has bitten us!

Brian said...

Garlic pills. but get the non smelly kind.

Walker said...

Hmmmm, I thought insects were attracted to Honey.

The mosqitos here are big enough to run over with the car

Anonymous Boxer said...

You are even attractive to insects! That's how fabulous you are.


Anonymous said...

Oh my my dear, I am affected by the insect mentality that says BOMBARDMENT.
So here's what you do: go to grocer, buy meat tenderizer or whatever they call it over there, make a paste, apply said paste to bites. Meat tenderizer has an enzyme that breaks down the venom and stops the itching.
Good luck with it love :-)


Helga Hansen said...

Lol @ Beau's advice... so instead of being covered in bites, you'll smell like a BBQ, and have all the neighbourhood cats loitering about, hoping for a lick! At least your skin would be nice and tender though! :D

Ro said...

I've just been reading about Miss Haversham - or, at least, Jasper Fforde's take on her - and I have to say that she's one feisty lady.

Not a bad person to be compared to (though, obviously, a much younger version).

Anonymous said...

Helga: it works lol and you don't smell like BBQ.


Luka said...

Helga - the cats like them, as they make me appear more feline.

Vi - oh, I hate the itchies. I get them if I don't wear my sun block.

Brian - duly noted.

Walker - I think they must be attracted to wine, it's the only answer.

Anonymous Boxer - I should be some sort of heroine with superpowers like that! Yes, I am Mosquito Summoner! :)

Beau - meat tenderizer? I didn't know it was something you apply, I always just whack steaks with a mallet. I shall have to investigate.

Helga - those cats want a lick already, it's those extra nipples.

Ro - well, feisty I can do, but I am not keen on the cobwebs.

Anonymous said...

RE nipples: two's enough for this guy

meredic said...

I think everyone gets bitten but not all have the reaction that you have been unfortunate enough to be blessed with. Try anti histamine perhaps?

Luka said...

Meredic - hello! I must buy some more, my supplies are always distressingly out of date.