Would you like me to perform an online medical?
I am a fully qualified blog nurse and can diagnose exactly what is wrong with you just from what you post online.
When I peruse your pixels I can tell what essential elements you are lacking, whether you are over indulging in some areas, and am able to tailor a blogging diet and exercise regime specifically for your needs.
Just pop your clothes off and hop up onto the couch.
Try to relax.
Now, you may feel a bit of a prick.
And now, a short poem, in lieu of a lollipop.
Think of me as the nurse who makes you feel worse
Be my patient