Monday, 21 April 2008

Blog Drama Club

The first rule of Blog Drama Club is that we do not talk about Blog Drama Club. Deny everything. If asked, assert "I don't do Blog Drama", despite all evidence to the contrary.

The second rule of Blog Drama Club is that you must choose a side. This is fun and makes everything feel more West Side Story-ish. Once you are in your chosen posse, circle or gang you must be sure never to engage the enemy in anything other than drive-by cheap shots in comments boxes. The more commonly accepted method is to ignore your enemy, pointedly, while talking about them loudly in an adjacent comment. Remember, it's talking about, not talking to. If you fall into the trap of actually engaging in reasonable discourse you run the risk of peace breaking out and where will all the Blog Drama be then?

The third rule of Blog Drama Club is to claim everything and anything you see as your own personal challenge and torment. It doesn't matter if it's a post about stamp collecting or rare weevils of European orchards, claim it was written to get at you - you once licked a stamp, after all, and are they implying you fuck weevils, just because you've eaten fruit? - and make sure your gang are copied in so the drive-bys can begin.

The fourth rule of Blog Drama Club is to ask your posse, circle or gang if you have missed out any rules they would like to see applied to Blog Drama Club.

So, have I missed anything?

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow! non-denial denials--love it! Reasonable discourse--my God --surely you jest! forget the Cartesian go for the Rabelesian. Luka, me luv, your bizarro mind is enchanting. If your having non-denial denials why rules? Rules are for the reasonable. Correct?

Love
Beau

Ro said...

You forgot Rule 5: become paranoid enough to see any other loose group of bloggers as a competing posse controlled by an evil mastermind.

bittersweet said...

but do we get to see naked men with fists flying???




*please*

AlwaysArousedGirl said...

Accuse all other blogger buddies of being in a closed clique, even if they are friendly as all get out to everyone?

Make post about weevil fuckery obliquely on your own blog, making snarky comments along the way about the original weevil poster?

Vi said...

Never leave anon comments, cause, like, that's no fun if they DON'T know what posse you are in.

lalita said...

You forgot that someone should fall in love with an enemy blogger...

Luka said...

Beau - my bizarro mind is what most people love me for, it's true. There are those who beleive that rules ae made to be broken.

Ro - good one. I shall write it into the rule book.

Bittersweet Me - all any of us need to do is close our eyes.... :)

AlwaysArousedGirl - hello! Indeed, there is that - but should the second rule be weevil specific or more generalised?

Vi - oh, absolutely! Anonymous commenting is such wasted effort.

Lalita - of course! There should always be a secret liaison between the warring factions.

Helga Hansen said...

To blog, or not to blog,
That is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous comments,
Or to take arms against a sea of bloggers.


Ah, no... you said West Side Story... silly me! As it happens, I don't do gangs... I prefer to go forth alone, waving my trusty wooden spoon! So much more fun, don't you know!

Walker said...

I have no idea what you're talking about and I do not belong to any secret blog (What's a blog)groups or other organizations and that's not my posse.
They want their panties back.
And there is only one side, mine. LOL

Luka said...

Helga - it's good to be a renegade, but then again, you're missing out on the bent over, clicky finger dancing.

Walker - we all want our panties back!

Anonymous said...

Naked men with fists flying? Bittersweet, pick up a copy of Women in Love--the film--will nude wrestling do? Love that film--Glenda Jackson--on my!

Beau

bittersweet said...

Beau - i have a well thumbed copy, and am always seeking to recreate the imagery in my own front room.

How about a secret handshake (or codeword)? or is that what labels are for?

Luka said...

I have certain men in mind that I would like to nominate for naked wrestling, all in the interests of Blog Drama Club.

I like the idea of a codeword. We must make a list!

Anonymous said...

code words; skinch; Lucy, Countess of Bedford--damn can't get away from the persona.
Bittersweet--get the film it's really quite good--and Oliver Reed's nekkid wrestling is a sight to behold. That was in his much thinner days. Myself I prefer nekkid wrestling with the opposite sex--call me a fuddy-duddy if you will. Nekkid Dancing is really lovely too. Oh my yes. It's like dancing on the porch of heaven.

Yummy need to get a beer and survey the local talent. See y'all later. Big hugs.

Beau in lust once again.

Anonymous Boxer said...

Question: is it Blog Drama when emailed and asked why I HAVEN'T commented, but I have commented elsewhere?

Or is that Email Drama?

I'm so confused.

Is Walker the nominee? If so, I'm in. If not, I'm still in.

Sulpicia said...

I don't get blog drama... Just absolutely beyond me. Seriously -- why????

Grundy Boyo said...

Hee hee. Grundy likes Luka, and thinks she may be able to explain a few things to him. In return, Grundy could be persuaded to get back in his wrestling gear (or no gear at all, if preferred). Do Luka or Bittersweet have any opponents lined up for Grundy>

Luka said...

Beau - ok, leaving code words aside, let's work on the secret handshake for a bit.

Anonymous Boxer - ah, now that's a good question. I would label it Blog Drama. You are not alone, alarmingly enough. I do know of other bloggers who have experienced the email phenomenon of "Why haven't you commented on me?" and even "Why haven't you posted about me?" or "Why have you posted about me *more*?"

As for Walker, yes, I think he would do a fine job of wrestling for the honour of the Boudoir Bitches.

Sulpicia - it's a form of validation. For some individuals blogging provides an alternate, colourful and drama-packed reality, far removed from the grey humdrum of reality. It's like gossip. "She never!" "She did!" "Ooh, the *slut*!" Vicarious thrills.

Grundy Boyo - Luka likes you too. I can explain a great deal but you'll have to join my gang and wear these leather battle pants.

Ms Robinson said...

This is just too brilliant. I am almost in love with you and if I did women I'd do you but just enjoy the compliment. And I've tagged you. So get on with it .

Luka said...

Ms R - can I ever deny you anything?

Lynsey said...

Avoid direct communication at all costs. Everyone knows that one-on-one conversations are for pussies! Snipe at, gripe about, insult—hell, even break up with—your nearest and dearest via blog posts.

Luka said...

Lynsey - you are so right with that one! I have watched a fantastically acrimonious split online this weekend.

O said...

Post.of.the.Year.

If you fall into the trap of actually engaging in reasonable discourse you run the risk of peace breaking out and where will all the Blog Drama be then?

Yes, where? Where? Won't someone think of the drama?

Loved the post, love you, love the line about 'peace breaking out'.

Luka said...

O - hello! Thank you, I am very pleased you enjoyed my silliness. Perhaps 2009 will be the year that peace finally breaks out in blogland?