Wednesday, 26 March 2008

Do You See What I See? - HNT

It takes me the best part of 30 minutes just to get the outfit on.

The basque is very pretty but comes with suspenders. I can manage to attach the ones at the front, no problem, but the ones at the back are nigh on impossible. I twist round, awkwardly, as far as my back will allow and stretch the suspender down as far as I can. Simultaneously I pull up on the stocking, and try to marry the two together. This is not a simple process. The attachment is small and plastic and filled with a pathological desire to be anywhere but attached to my stocking. The strain on the elastic is immense, and I sense another bungee-in-miniature moment approaching. The fucking thing twangs out of my fingers and pings me on the arse for the 37th time and I wonder if it's worth the effort. There's a reason tights were invented.

I persevere, with much cursing, until finally everything is attached to what it should be and I am ready. I regard my reflection. My thighs spill out over the tops of the stockings, like dough rising. My hips look massive, flaring out from beneath the cut off point of the basque. I am not sure about the parts of my belly that can be seen due to the high cut of the knickers. I peer into the mirror, turning back and forth, trying to find the best possible viewing angle. Then I give up and reach for my black satin robe. Much better.

Such self criticism, and so ridiculous. He knows what I look like. He is not going to be surprised or dismayed by my flesh. When he sees my new underwear, and my heaving bosoms doing their best to escape from their lacy confines, he will not be giving me the harsh appraisal to which I subject myself. He will be too busy determining whether I taste as good as I look and writing silvery runes of approval all over my stockings as his cock drools his unfakeable response.

I have learned a lot about body acceptance through reading and viewing those who participate in HNT. Despite my teasing, and spoof Half Mental Thursdays, I am actually very fond of it (as I am with most of that which I lampoon.) It is heartening to see that diversity really is the norm.

So, in that spirit, here I am, Half Nekkid and Half Mental, merging my unsexy can't-get-my-suspenders-to-work side with my actually-I'm-a-bit-of-all-right side. Which ties in with my own sex blogging challenge to a degree.

I still can't do those back suspenders though.

36 comments:

Lynsey said...

You know, you really are my hero. And you look great!

Curvaceous Dee said...

This is why I always unhook the suspender thinggumies and don't bother with stockings - I can never get them to stay, and I feel like a pillock in them.

You've done well with the photographing, but I have to say I adore your robe!

Really pleased to see you partaking in this, with your own brand of fun-poking-at-self.

xx Dee

Freddy said...

i'm speechless!

and more than a little aroused

x

Angela-la-la said...

Doing up suspenders leaves me in a muddle too.

If we could get sex bloggers to write of partners doing the damn things up as foreplay do you think we could solve the problem and save ourselves some tricep cramps?

daisyfae said...

nice to know i'm not the only one who struggles with the rear suspenders. drive me batty... oh, and the 'self-assessment' part? spot on. wish i could let it go before a partner starts leaking the body fluids...

thanks for this. "reality in sex blogging" award can't be far behind...

I Smile 2 Much said...

lol- i think couldve wrote this myself. your post had me smiling & agreeing w/ you the whole way. except that i really am SOOOO ridiculously clumsy (no kidding) & i know all about my spilling out thighs & self criticism (that's SO me) ..... hmmm... but oh well cause at the same time..... like you said, i really am completely okay w/ "me" overall.

U are absolutely SOOOO beautiful.VERY much so. & SEXY*HAWT! i LUV this pic!!! & happy hnt!! ; ) (oh & sorry i ramble so much; it's just a bad habit of mine)

Turnbaby said...

I'm here for the first time from HNT.

You look great and I love your words--when someone loves you they see the beauty of you not the 'flaws'.

And try thigh highs--I did ;-)

Ms Robinson said...

I wear hold ups Luka but the other day after my 8 hour session with the man in the hotel they kept falling down on the way home.

You look great. Beautiful. Rest assured all of us struggle with our bodies. I am currently complaining about a tummy that to everyone else is non existent. Am I mad?

I am going to take up the sex blog challenge over the weekend.

Ariel said...

You do look fantastic but... is it comfortable? I know, asking the kind of questions only your grandmother would think of! I too have experimented with such things and may well do again given the occasion [last partner said he didn't want women who looked liked sluts - he had a way with words - and yet treated me just like one it turns out] but I could never master the stockings. It's not just you, there's a big design flaw somewhere I'm sure. But otherwise, goodness woman, you're gorgeous so tell the reflection in the mirror that. And start to believe it.

bittersweet me said...

can i help with that toggle ...?

*warms fingers*

You are beautiful. Happy HNT x

Lapis Ruber said...

I'm always happy to help fasten things - so that I can enjoy unfastening them later :-) You look just great. Happy HNT.

Osbasso said...

Can't say that I've ever experienced the problem, but I have to say that the picture certainly doesn't give the secret away! Welcome to HNT! Looking forward to seeing more of you. So to speak.

figleaf said...

I think the real reason we shouldn't run ourselves down about our own appearance is that almost always we're worried about parts nobody else notices. And they don't notice because whatever flaw we see isn't there, they don't notice because they're too busy ogling somewhere else -- like people who worry about their noses and all anyone else can see are their beautiful eyes.

This is a lovely photo, Luka, you look wonderful.

Happy HNT,

figleaf

Melissaria said...

You look amazing. And I admire your nerve for doing this. If I go down the underwear route, I just avoid looking in the mirrors, and wait for the reaction to tell me that I look ok! You're so right about the back suspenders though - definitely plenty behind the scenes prop work required for those bastards.

Luka said...

Lynsey - you are way too kind, but I like it. Thank you!

Dee - it's tricky, as I do like the look of the suspender - it appeals to my Rocky Horror side - but I am so bad at putting them on. It is not an alluring image as I twist and shout.

Freddy - woohoo! Result on both scores! (Only teasing :) x)

Angela-la-la - that is a fantastic idea. How resourceful you are!

Daisyfae - hello! Yes, I had a feeling it couldn't really only be me that found them so tricky. And yes, there should definitely be a "Reality in Sex Blogging Award". Maybe I will create one.

I Smile 2 Much - hello! Never apologise for having lots to say, I like rambling comments! And thank you for the compliments.

Turnbaby - hello! Another first timer, that's comforting. Yes, I shall stock up on the thigh highs.

Ms R - you are a saucy minx and a good tester fror the staying power of sexy lingerie. You should get sponsored. And yes, if you have concerns about your tummy, which resembles a washboard to my discerning eyes, you might well be mad. But we're all mad here. Ooh, I can't wait to read your take on the sex blog challenge!

Ariel - no, it isn't comfortable. On the plus side it's not the kind of outfit that has to be worn for that long, really. And thank you for the reassurance!

Bittersweet Me - thanks honey *smooch* x

Lapis Ruber - hello! I do appreciate that kind of help! Thank you :)

Osbasso - hello! Thanks for the warm welcome, is good to be on board.

Figleaf - you're quite right of course. The logical part of me knows this - exploits it, even. A cleavage enhancing top means most eyes will be on my crumb-catchers rather than on my big tum. But the insecure, less logical part of my brain likes to focus on the flaws - which is why all this postivie feedback is such a beneficial thing and has my seal of approval :) Thank you for the compliment, much appreciated.

Luka said...

Melissaria - if there's one thing as big as my arse, it's my nerve! Why does sexy underwear have to be so damned difficult to put on? I mean, quite apart from the stockings, there's the issue of all the little hooks and eyes too! I need a maid, clearly.

D said...

well, i for one appreciate all the effort. there is nothing like a woman in a basque, suspenders and stockings. and the robe adds the perfect touch.

thank you! thank you! thank you for sharing.

Vixen said...

Wow....totally yummy outfit!

happyHNT!

Vixen said...

Wow....totally yummy outfit!

happyHNT!

Luka said...

D - hello and thank *you* for commenting. As long as the effort is appreciated I'll keep making it!

Vixen - hello! What the outfit lacks in comfort in makes up for in yumminess, it's true. Thank you!

Amorous Rocker said...

That ensemble looks really hot. Those suspenders can be such a pain sometimes, lol. Lovely post and lovely picture. Happy HNT!

Luka said...

Amorous Rocker - hello! Suspenders are a torment, but I'm glad the end result was a lovely picture! Thak you very much.

Anonymous Boxer said...

Oh look at you!!!!!!!

So very fabulous, of course.

One question: how long does it take to get out of this outfit?

Luka said...

Anonymous Boxer - thank you kindly. The outfit is a lot quicker to remove than put on!

TK Kerouac said...

Sooo sexy!

Anonymous said...

Wow! You look lovely. Whoever the lucky person is who's seeing you in that is in for a major treat. Oh my, oh my yes. :-) Great legs! Yes!

Beau in Seattle

Luka said...

TK - hello! thank you muchly!

Beau in Seattle - it's the robe, I tell you, it skims over the worst bits :) Thank you for the compliments!

2 Dollar Productions said...

It's worth the effort . . . Happy HNT.

Anonymous said...

BTW love you heels in you profile-yum!

Beau in SEattle.

Luka said...

2 Dollar Productions - thank you! If it's worth the effort I shall continue to make it!

Beau in Seattle - they are the sexiest shoes ever, and instantly create my persona when I put them on.

nursemyra said...

fantastic post! I go through this problem every friday for my corset shots and I can't take photos of the ones you have to lace yourself into - impossible to get into alone.

nice to know that someone else shares my pain :-)

Sulpicia said...

I love your hands.

The rest of you is fantastic... but I like hands. EXCELLENT hands.

As for the rest, I don't wear underwear (can bearely manage to hook a bra at the back on the few occasions I've been manipulated into doing so) so can't relate.

Did I mention you have spectacular hands?

Luka said...

Nurse Myra - it is the irony of saucy underwear that one tends to be alone when struggling to put it on yet can always find a pair of helping hands to remove it.

Sulpicia - thank you - I have usefully long fingers...

Miss O said...

THis is so wise, & the silvery runes imagery breathtaking: "Such self criticism, and so ridiculous. He knows what I look like. He is not going to be surprised or dismayed by my flesh. When he sees my new underwear, and my heaving bosoms doing their best to escape from their lacy confines, he will not be giving me the harsh appraisal to which I subject myself. He will be too busy determining whether I taste as good as I look and writing silvery runes of approval all over my stockings as his cock drools his unfakeable response."

xo
Miss O

-MAXX- said...

The results are definitely worth your effort. You look great!

-MAXX-

Luka said...

Miss O - I don't know how I missed this comment first time around - only just spotted it! Thank you x

MAXX - I am very glad you think so!