Monday, 17 March 2008

Cosmo Complex

That's what I call it.

That feeling of inadequacy you can get when reading Cosmopolitan, or other women's magazines of that ilk.

After flicking through those glossy pages you can find yourself falling for the bullshit, gazing at the fashion pages and wondering how long you have to starve yourself so that your knees are the widest point of your legs. The articles are just as unsettling. Is my hairstyle adding years to me? Should I really be spending a huge chunk of my meagre wages on skincare products? Will the lady on the make up counter laugh me out of the shop when she discovers my soap and water secret? Do I exfoliate enough? Too much? At all? Do I know 101 ways to please my man in bed? Are they the right 101 ways? Is that normal? Oh God.

It is much the same for me when I read sex blogs. Should I be meeting more people in hotel rooms for kinky sex? Should I stick more things up my arse? Is one good orgasm a session no longer acceptable? Should I have had 3, 13, 30? Should I have gushed, squirted, shrieked, exploded? (I remember when having an orgasm at all was something of an achievement and a goal in itself. At times sex blogs are almost indistinguishable from mainstream porn, with their shaven minges, endless climaxing and squirting quims. Yet the authors of this derivative drivel genuinely believe they are creating something fresh and true, perhaps even empowering).

These blogs give such a one sided view of sex that you really do need a reality check now and then to prevent Cosmo Complex from setting in. Is anyone writing about real sex anywhere? (And I mean the actual jiggy jiggy stuff, not pages and pages of theoretical pseudo-feminist boring toss). Much as the models in magazines bear little relation to the majority of women in real life, most sexual escapades, as recounted in blog land, bear only a passing resemblance to the actuality of the event. Give me something I can truly relate to! I want to hear about inappropriate farting, elbows on wobbly bits or hair and the ensuing "owees", needing a wee at the worst possible moment, or being savaged by an over exuberant cat at the point of no return. I want to know I am not the only one who has a bad back and gets locked into position if not careful.

Hmmmm.

Thinking about it, my aims may be very different from others who read sex blogs. I am not reading to be titillated, I suppose. Now, there is a challenge. Is it possible to write an absolutely honest account of sex and still be arousing? Anyone up to it?

23 comments:

Amy said...

You go first. :D

Seriously though, I try to write about the comic as well as the schmexy. No bad back, but headaches have been interfering mightily for the last couple of months. I also enjoy reading about real people dealing with real issues, as you do.

Luka said...

Amy - trust me, I am working on my material as we speak :)

Yes, we are agreed on what makes an enjoyable read.

Ms Robinson said...

Ok, maybe I will do it

Luka said...

Ms R - I rather hoped you would.

bittersweet me said...

i agree with you on the cosmo complex - steam dried and perfectly dessicated sex, no thank you.

i enjoy a mix of reading material - smut and trivia included - and i don't expect to enjoy everything that one particular blogger might write, just as i wouldn't expect that everything i write to be a turn-on. I write about the (my) icky bits, and i know that turns some readers off. Is it truthful? yes, and if it arouses someone besides me, well, that is just a bonus.

Vi said...

I need to be getting sex to write that! If it wasn't for my rabbit, I reckon my vagina would have sealed by now.

Luka said...

Bittersweet Me - yes, I enjoy your mix of intimacy and baking :) It's the fact that you post about the downs as well as the ups that make you interesting.

Vi - heh! Ah, but you have a very full life, so you will never run short of material to write about.

Tom Allen said...

Luka - I'm not sure what you're asking here. Do you want people to write about the mundane? The five minute morning quickies that just take the edge off? The "let's have sex so we can get to sleep" sessions?

Hell, any of us could do that - the problem is, who would want to continue reading about those after the first few? I think that most of us enjoy reading each other's blogs because they present a life that's different from ours.

Walker said...

Hell I just gave up and only read the articles in playboy and look at the pictures in other magazines

Anonymous Boxer said...

*big heavy sigh*

I always wonder; "The lady (or man) doth protest too much" when reading Cosmo OR a sex blog. Or to the couple at the party who INSIST they are having the best sex EVER. Blah, blah, let me check back in a few months/years.

However, if Ms R would offer up something honest.... I'd be most interested.

EmmaK said...

I'll give it a go if you like. Is this, like a competition?? Also, marcelle manhattan is probably the best sex writer around, her stuff is just I don't know, more psychologically complex that your usual g-spot squirting three-way sex blog.

regarding warts and all sex, I don't mind hearing about queefing and all but I think I am mainly interested in the psychological componenent like marcelle writes about at sexegesis.blogspot.com

Luka said...

Tom - I suppose I am asking for more depth. Less glossing over the not-so-perfect bits and more balance. A bit like wanting to watch a gritty, kitchen sink drama, rather than Dallas. Escapism and fantasy is all well and good and has its place in my viewing/reading habits but I like to balance that with the real deal. The sex posts that are the most interesting, and tend to generate the most comments, are those where things did not go entirely smoothly. That's when everyone steps up to say "yes, it's happened to me! I understand!"

Different lives are fascinating to read, and I agree that's what keeps us coming back for more.

Luka said...

Walker - I am sure you read much of the same material there as you'd find online.

Anonymous Boxer - I am cursed with cynicism and tend to the "yeah, right"s when reading any such articles. And, yes, I would be intrigued to see Ms R's take on the honest, yet arousing, sex post.

Emma - it's a challenge - competitions imply prizes and I have fuck all to offer except fat arse pics and endless vitriol. I have a feeling you'd do a very good job of writing a stimulating, yet oh-so-real, sex post.

Helga Hansen said...

A bit like wanting to watch a gritty, kitchen sink drama, rather than Dallas.

So, that will be Dallas before the famous shower scene...

Luka said...

Helga - if that's the Dallas with the most lipgloss and shoulder pads, then yes!

bittersweet me said...

ok .. a challenge. I think maybe i just wrote one .. not for glamour, or sympathy. Not as a cum count, or squirt fest. Just the truth as to how it felt. The pics are incidental - just 'cos it is thursday. Now you get to tell me if it works.

Luka said...

Bittersweet Me - it works.

Lynsey said...

Ahem.

http://sexedupsticks.blogspot.com/2007/11/untitled-no-1.html

If it's mortally embarrassing or awkward, I've probably done it.

Luka said...

Lynsey - welcome back from your weekend away! That is a fantastic post! I think, in all honesty, it has happened to pretty much all practioners of anal sex to some degree at some stage or another. That's just a given if you're playing with your poop chute. I am mightily impressed with you.

Suzanne B said...

About six months ago I took up an email correspondence with a man who loves to write about sex. (Who doesn't, you say)

When I write about sex, it is generally in a bare-bones way, as I write in my handwritten notebooks or my personal computer journal. Upon the occasions when I've copied and pasted bits of these sex scenes to my new friend, he has found them very exciting ... while I find them pretty plain jane. "Just the facts, ma'am."

What was your question?

I find bare-bones sex scenes less than arousing; they don't hold my attention. I seem to be more excited when they include some emotion and/or romance.

Luka said...

Suzanne B - hello! An honest, "warts and all" account of an erotic encounter need not necessarily be devoid of emotion or romance. Perhaps I shall try to write one of my own to illustrate what I have in mind.

Marcelle Manhattan said...

Emma, you are wonderful and I heart you. I just happened upon this by accident, because I'm supposed to be on hiatus!

Let me just say that what I write can be outrageous, but the point in doing so is not to titilate. It's because I like looking at the weird extremes of intimacy, and asking honest questions about people's psychological reactions. The problem I have with a lot of sex blogs is that they give the impression that "anything goes." The fact is, a lot of sex is emotionally negative for people, and I am interested in being honest about that and exploring the reasons why. You can't do that unless you're willing to plumb the darker side of sexuality.

I realize that's not the point you're making, exactly, Luka; but I think it's a related one, so I wanted to throw it out there. I don't disagree with you that many people are extreme for extremism's sake alone.

Luka said...

Marcelle - that's an interesting point. Yes, you are one of the few writers that gives an unairbrushed view of sex and all its varying incarnations. I suppose a lot comes down to what the writer is aiming to achieve. Some are going for titillation and large numbers of hits, some are aiming to educate and change perceptions where possible while others are merely using their blog as a journal and have no further agenda than having an outlet for their thoughts.