Sunday, 24 February 2008

All Day Confidence for Men

A quick blast of Foreskin Fresh (tm) in the morning means you can play squash, give that important presentation at work, have a few drinks with the boys and still be able to whip your willy out in a romantic encounter with confidence. The days of worrying about whether anyone can smell your undercrackers from the other side of the office are gone. Simply pop a can of Foreskin Fresh (tm) in your briefcase for all day freshness peace of mind.

Subtly scented and ph balanced, Foreskin Fresh (tm) is the intimate hygiene product manufacturers have overlooked for far too long in their quest to make women's chuffs smell like the perfume counter at Debenhams. Gentlemen, the time has come for a revolution in genital care!

Willy Wipes and Scrotal Shower Gel also available.

27 comments:

Old Knudsen said...

As someone who washes his bits when the whiff of getting lucky is in the air I take exception to this, I will also take a dozen.

Remember weemen yer vadge ain't called a stench trench for nothing.

Curvaceous Dee said...

Absolutely! If women are expected to fragrance their cunts so they smell like a field of flowers, why shouldn't men do that same? I want some scrotal shower gel for the hubby, please! (Not that his scrotum doesn't smell lovely ... but it isn't perfumed! Who wants man-smell when we can have chemical-smell instead?)

xx Dee

Anonymous Boxer said...

Finally! Products and (I hope) commercials for men that are equally stupid and embarrassing when shown on TV when watching with parents/teens/etc.

Luka said...

Old Knudsen - if enough chemicals are sprayed onto enough bodily parts it can only be a matter of time before a small explosion occurs. This may not necessarily be a bad thing.

Dee - the Scrotal Shower Gel contains essence of vanilla, cocoa butter and gin, so should taste as good as it smells.

Anonymous Boxer - yes, I am currently designing a dry weave topsheet for the underpantliners I am about to market.

upset waitress said...

Yea AB, and those commercials always pop up when I'm eating dinner.

"Dad, I got that not so fresh cheesy penis skin feeling"

For shits sake. What's next? Belly button tic tacs for that cheesy hole on your abdomen?

BTW, Hi Luka :)

Freddy said...

So what do those of us without a foreskin use? Do they sell Bell-end Balm?

I find that soap and water and a dusting with Johnson's finest works pretty well...

Old Knudsen said...

A true story and this is me sharing, I've been told I naturally smell like tea and roses.

bittersweet me said...

*sniff sniff*

i can't smell anything niffy - must be working.

willy wipes and Bellend Balm ... you two crack me up.

Luka said...

Upset Waitress - hello! I can see a market for a Shake n Vac style product for body hair.

Freddy - you just have to use Helmet Haze.

Old Knudsen - what kind of tea?

Me - we aim to please!

Helga Hansen said...

LMFAO!! Helmet Haze... I'm loving it!

Come on, guys... time to pamper your pubes!

Anonymous Boxer said...

Old K - was that in 1945?

Luka said...

Helga - it's the next big thing, you mark my words!

Ms Robinson said...

Are you going to present it on Dragon's Den then? On that Duncan bloke?

Luka said...

Ms R - now there's an idea! I shall wear my charity big pants while I do so.

EmmaK said...

I'd love to see you doing an Infomercial with this product maybe with Old Knudsen as the model?

peter said...

Does it cure jock itch as well? You crack me up.

Luka said...

Emma - negotiations are in progress...

Peter - probably. It kills 99.9% of germs and a good deal of plant life. It's probably not too good for mammals either. Use in a well ventilated area.

Globus said...

globus is sure in the olden days they used to call it 'impulse'.

Luka said...

Globus - ah yes, Impulse. The smell of the girls changing rooms was rank with the smell of Impuls Musk. My product smells great though, honest.

Walker said...

Does it attract women to or just other men?

Luka said...

Walker - it attracts seagulls, mostly. But female ones, so we're halfway there.

Ro said...

Damn you woman! Your advertising campaign has me swamped in self-conscousness now. I just know that my friends won't tell me about my Embarrassing Personal Problem; it's just like those adverts from the 60s and 70s for B.O.

*sigh* Just send me a crate ...

Luka said...

Ro - the whole "personal grooming" thing is based on insecurity. Once I have you hooked on these products I will revamp them with go faster stripes and vibrating bits, to give a truly manly freshness experience.

Ro said...

Hmmm ... any chance of you introducing the "vibrating bits" nice and early?

Angela-la-la said...

Can I assume that, in the true spirit of equality, your product induces an uncomfortable yeast infection as well as freshening up the offending area?

Sulpicia said...

Christ, I went to the grocery store yesterday and came across the "grapple." An apple that tastes like grapes. Serious. It's not just such products as you denounce... but the need to create... what? something better, cleaner, etc etc... it's also long been seeping into our food, life-styles, everything... Gah!

Luka said...

Sulpicia - nothing can just be as it is any more. It has to be new and improved, which I can just about cope with in washing powder and razors, but in fruit? Bizarre.