Monday, 28 January 2008


There may be a misconception that I do not respect that which I lampoon.

While I will merrily parody posts and styles of those blogs that catch my eye, I do have my own set of boundaries I simply will not cross.

One of the many reasons I choose to pick on sex blogs is that by their very nature they are not particularly personal. I am aware of the paradox. Surely they are posting some of the most personal information imaginable? Well, to a point. They are sharing their fantasies, their preferences for what they like to stick where and how good it feels when they do so. They do not, as a rule, share very much about the real life person behind the endlessly, and unrealistically, routinely perfect sex scenes. You don't hear much about their favourite meals, what they did at work today, their pets, their children, their home. You certainly don't see images of such. What pictures you do see on sex blogs are either generic soft porn or a neatly cropped self portrait of an anonymous body part.

What sex bloggers choose to share with the world at large is filtered, selected and untraceable. Those who submit to Sugasm or receive a Fleshbotting are those who willingly seek out thousands of new readers, who want the pitter-patter of many feet heading their way.

When I tease sex bloggers, I do so in a non-specific way. No links, no names. If you can guess who I might be parodying, that's fine, but I won't direct you to their sites.

I satirise sex blogs because it truly isn't personal and, to my great delight and to their great credit, most of the sex bloggers I know have a wonderful sense of humour and are the first to laugh at themselves. So, contrary to what some may think, I have a great deal of respect for my chosen topics of humour. Unfortunately, the reverse does not always hold true.

My own code of honour means that personal blogs (those that feature home, work, family life and suchlike) are off limits. We all have a lot of personal information out there, on Facebook, MySpace, Flickr and private blogs or journals. It is the modern way to socialise and network these days. I, like many others, have such a site, not well publicised, mainly a place for distant friends and family to check in and see what I'm up to at work and home. I have many reasons for keeping it entirely separate from my online Boudoir persona, as I'm sure all of you with similar set-ups will appreciate.

If we choose to share, behind the scenes, our personal information with others we are laying ourselves open to potential exposure and damage. To do so is an exercise in trust. You have to be very sure that the person who knows the real you will respect your privacy and not betray your confidence.

I speak from experience here, as I misplaced my faith.

There are those who would argue, so what? So what if they took a couple of their mates to have a look at my personal site? I take the piss out of them all the time, I deserve it. Now I know what it feels like to be laid low, brought down, through what I write online. Tough titty.

There may be an element of truth to that. Still, I never set foot in home and hearth territory and I never will. I do not peer over other people's garden fences, I do not peek through bathroom windows. I have some respect, you see.


Walker said...

Having an online diary as a blog where you accept comments you have to be prepared to receive praise and criticism.
One of the reasons to having it public is to receive feed back for support or suggestions.
How you blog and what you blog about is your choice also but I think respect of other people is a must if you want to get it back.

I’m not a stranger to battles with other bloggers over the last few years and I am sure I will have others because we are not of the same mind all the time and bound to clash.
What I write at times is controversial and I can dish out some hardcore sex when I am of a mind to but I am always prepared and aware that I might get slapped around and am willing to weather what comes my way in the name of freedom of speech.
It doesn’t mean if someone decided to be a malicious asshole I wouldn’t tear him or her a new one, because I have.

You are not leaving a trail and not hurting anyone.
You are not putting them up on a billboard with their phone numbers and addresses so you are not hurting anyone but going to their pages and commenting on their posts, as they want you to.
I don’t see the problem with that.
They should be flattered you stopped by to read what they wrote and left a comment.
If they are bothered by it, they could either stop blogging or having sex HA HA HA

Would it be ok if I added you to my blogroll?

Sulpicia said...

Sorry to hear your faith was battered. I don't know the story -- all I can say is that bitches turn up everywhere. And from what I've seen behaviour on the internet isn't any more respectful than off it... in fact, it's worse perhaps, because of speed, ease etc.


PS. I like the Boudoir and it's hearty attitude. It's fun and quick and smart.

(It's too early for me to be any more coherent than that.)

Luka said...

Walker - yes, if you put it out there, online, you have to accept it's going to be read and there may be comeback. It isn't quite the same as keeping a secret diary under your mattress, after all. All you can do is hope that most people have a basic level of courtesy - and in general they do.

Of course you can add me to your blogroll, thank you!

Sulpicia - thank you kindly. It's true, online or off, people tend to follow similar patterns. Everyone gets burned from time to time I suppose, and at least I have learned from it, so it's not all bad by any means.

You're remarkably coherent for first thing in the morning, far more so than I ever am.

EmmaK said...

all this has done is make me intrigued to find your other site and find out about the other side of Luka. But don't worry I probably won't find it, I'm not very persistant.

Ms Robinson said...

If the person doesn't respect you they most certainly have no respect for themselves. And that applies in everything. I am very sorry that this has upset you Luka and angry on your behalf as I can see you're very upset.

Luka said...

Emma - it's all very dull, honestly. Just pages and pages of home baking, pigeon fancying and macrame.

Ms R - you are right, as ever. I keep telling myself it is small potatoes in the big scheme of things, and it is. I shall channel my anger into productive piss taking again ASAP x

bittersweet me said...

It is a serious matter; i understand why you feel so strongly.

I suppose if we realized how our photos are bandied about (and i don't mean the ones we post, but the ones we might have shared with someone special), and our real names and other secrets gleaned than we might all be more careful, next time.

Freddy said...

Macrame you say?
Doesn't that involve knots?

Luka said...

Me - you are, of course, quite right. All we can do is learn from getting our fingers burnt. It's a tough lesson, especially when you like to feel you can trust your supposed friends.

Freddy - I know what you're thinking, you deviant sauce monkey.

Jackie Adshead said...

Its always sad to find your principles are not respected by others and that your trust has been betrayed. But...... you know that there are more people who admire and respect you and what you stand for, than there are idiots who don't.

Luka said...

Jackie - thank you so much for those kind words. Big hugs to you x