Sunday, 11 November 2007

Nameless

Why are anonymous commenters so lacking in imagination?

I mean, how hard is it to give yourself a ridiculous fake name like Mr Pants or Captain Cuntflap or something?

Is it because their quota of creativity has been used up for the day with the monumental effort it took to think up a variant on "you suck" and then having to laboriously type that in with their webbed fingers, without getting too much drool in the keyboard? It's a tiring process, I agree, but a little bit of extra effort in providing a comedy name would reap dividends. People would read the next "you are crap" comment, see it was written not by the instantly forgettable "anonymous", but by the incisive and witty Hairy Bumcheeks. They would be looking out for more pithy put-downs and inspirational one-liners from the Oscar Wilde of the blog comment world.

So come on, anonymous commenters - next time you're cruising by the Boudoir to tell me I smell, make yourself look marginally more interesting and imaginative by signing yourself off as Fanny Batter, Ben Dover or Phil McCrack or something. It may take a little longer, and you may start to flag, but if you give the helper monkey another banana I am sure it can be done!

12 comments:

White Charcoal said...

Cu'nt have put it better myself, darling.

White_Charcoal (alias Juan Kerr)

Luka said...

Hello, White Charcoal, and welcome to the Boudoir. See, now your alias is exactly the kind of amusing play on words I would like to see more of from my anonymous fans.

Anonymous Boxer said...

I am "anonymous", but not.

And a fan.

Marcelle Manhattan said...

Luka, I have often wondered the same thing. Even when my friends comment on my blog, they tend to do so as "anonymous." I finally sent them an email telling them all to quit; at which my brother posted under some unpronounceable Middle-English name (you know, Beowulf or some sort) because he reads Medieval English at university. Good lord.

Luka said...

Anonymous Boxer - you have always been distinguishable from the common herd.

Marcelle - I don't mind if it's unpronounceable, as long as it's distinctive.

Freddy said...

Juan Kerr, you are Jeremy Clarkson and I claim my £5.

Freddy said...

err I may have got the names arse about face in that last comment.

Sulpicia said...

Sigh. I have no anonymous commenters. Clearly I must ramp up the ... Crap. What can I ramp up?

Dear Luka: With your lively and unique knowledge, perhaps you might advise a depressed, pms-ing blogger? Give me something REALLY BAD to write about. Like an assignment.

Oh PS: I very much enjoyed your proper filth. I found that when I reached the "everybody was watching" part I'd have to start all over again. I did a fair bit of looping.

Freddy said...

Sulpicia said...

Sigh. I have no anonymous commenters........

you do now!

but don't worry, it was only me

Sulpicia said...

Phew. I was scared. No viral business?

Luka said...

Sulpicia - I shall let you know if anything comes to mind.

Richard said...

"the monumental effort it took to think up a variant on "you suck" and then having to laboriously type that in with their webbed fingers, without getting too much drool in the keyboard?"

I rather enjoyed that bit!