Thursday, 18 October 2007

HMT - Animal Lover Special


He is feeling aggressive these days. His eyes follow me, which is disconcerting. I try to lose them - darting suddenly down an alleyway, doubling back on myself, hailing a taxi and speeding away - yet still they follow. His nose and ears can't be bothered, they just stay put.

He wants me to anticipate his needs, have his bananas peeled and his tyre swing ready when he wants them. If I am too slow he growls and throws poo at me.

Many people don't understand how I can live my life this way. "Isn't it humiliating?" they enquire. All I can say is that since I met Guy I feel complete. It is so much easier now I just submit whenever he beats his chest and whoops. It is liberating to let him control our life together. I never have to think about what to cook for dinner, for example. It's always bananas. And he does have a softer side. I get to lie there, content in his furry lap, for hours while he picks insects off me and gently breaks wind. Really, we're not so different to any other couple.

9 comments:

Cyrano Q said...

Yes, well, gorillas are all well and good, but just you wait until it starts playing old Phil Collins hits. Then you'll be sorry.

amy said...

rofl. Guess it was my turn.

BTW it's not "picks insects off me", it's "allogrooming of ectoparasites". : )

*plots her revenge*

Luka said...

Cyrano - as long as he leaves me some of the chocolate I don't mind.

Amy - I did it because I love you x

Anonymous Boxer said...

I've had worse.

bittersweet me said...

get your paws off her, you beast ....

*feeling primeval*

Jackie Adshead said...

Its difficult typing when you're LAFFING so much..... but.....

I'm so pleased that you've found your mate in Guy, but just be careful with the weather at this time of year, you can lose them in the mist you know!

(And now every time that advert comes on the telly, I'll picture Luka in the background, with towel at the ready for a quick rub down after!).

having my cake said...

Does Gorilla Bananas know you've introduced another dominant male into his pack/troop/squadron?

Luka said...

Anonymous Boxer - haven't we all?

Me - I love it when you come over all dominant.

Jackie - I am glad I have enhanced your TV advert viewing pleasure.

Having My Cake - I don't believe the jungle drums have reached him.

Waynecoff said...

lovey pair of tits, mmmm,