My faults are numerous and colourful, yet when I decide to take a break from the blogging world I take a proper break. I leave my laptop unplugged and throw myself into the Real World(tm). I do not check my comments. I do not check my email. I live my life and enjoy it, and then I come back.
Others, though, make a huge production number out of fucking off for a bit. They have Guest Bloggers, to post on their blog in their absence. They ask someone to moderate their comments while they are gone. Why? It's not like asking the neighbour to feed the fish or water the plants when you go away for a few days in Real Life(tm). No lives will be lost if people don't get to hear about what you stuck up your chuff on Wednesday. No harm will occur if people have to wait a few days to read about what Big Ken thought of your arse pic.
Is it an insecurity issue? Are these addicts afraid they will be forgotten about, abandoned, if there is nothing new on their blog for a few days? Is it all part of this insane Stats Fever that infects even the most rational blogger after a few weeks? Suddenly their sense of self worth is defined by how many people stumble across their blog and how many comments are made. The thought of potentially losing a reader because no new material was on the blog today brings them out into a cold sweat. So they have to schedule their machine to post automatically, or ask somebody else to post for them, in order not to see a decline in those precious precious numbers. It all gets very tabloid.
Or is it that some bloggers sense of importance has bloated beyond all recognition? Perhaps some bloggers truly believe their readers will suffer unbearably from withdrawal symptoms if they don't have some sort of placebo on standby. They look fondly upon their loyal commenters, suckling from their bloggy teats, ingesting the food for thought only they can provide, and believe a wet nurse is the only answer. They can only be weaned bit by bit, they believe, or they will howl all night long, such is their need.
Pah. What a load of cock.
Just fuck off, is my advice to anyone thinking of taking some time out from the blogging world. Just fucking go and stop making out you're some kind of BBC breakfast show DJ who needs someone to cover for them when they have a holiday. You're not. You don't. Fuck off.