Monday, 6 August 2007

Katalogosophobia

As I am a benevolent soul, I shall save you the bother of googling it and let you know that the above means a fear of lists.

In itself, a list should be nothing to fear. A list is functional, a useful tool for imparting necessary information clearly and swiftly. Lists, to my mind, are not really a form of entertainment being, as they are, inherently dull. Lists are lazy ways to fill space (which is why they are such a popular feature in Sunday supplements and magazines).

My katalogosophobia kicks in whenever I go a-wandering through blogland. It is a list-filled minefield. From the dreaded meme ("8 Tedious Things About Me You Didn't Know and Never Wanted To!"), to the irritating Sugasm, to the Sex Blogger Special - the lovers list.

You know the kind of thing: "And then there's Neville, who is my soulmate and confidante. He likes to be tied to the radiator and pelted with cream buns. So different to dark, brooding Hector, with his artistic temperament. He loves to paint his bollocks black and rest them on my eyelids while I fellate him. He calls this his Panda Passion Performance. Then there is Tim..." And so on for a good few scroll downs.

This type of list is a form of validation, I suppose. A way of saying "Look! Look at all these people who found me attractive enough to fuck me! Am I not desireable? Am I not exciting? Do you not want a slice of this action?"

Which is fair enough. And it works, the comments soothe and reassure. Yet I am still left with my aversion. Maybe my attention threshold is simply too low. Or maybe I just don't have much interest in any list I am not topping.

21 comments:

Angela-la-la said...

Lucky you explained the term, I thought this was a post about a lame 80s pop band.

bittersweet me said...

I like that word ... it looks so rude, yet not so ... and also reminds me of my hatred of argos etc.

A catalogue of lovers. hmmm, that's an idea ...

having my cake said...

Ange, you numpty, that was Kajagoogoo, altho Im far too young to remember them of course. I had to google it. Sadly, I am a woman of many lists - most of them things that I should be doing when Im wasting hours of precious time, I mean doing lots of important things on here :) Do you have any idea how many times Ive listed 'clean the toilets' this week and just not got around to it?

Luka said...

Angela-la-la - that's an entirely different - but equally as justified - phobia.

Me - I share your hatred of Argos. I like Bill Bailey's take on it - "The Laminated Book of Dreams!" A catalogue of lovers? Would the models have to stand in the classic Catalogue Man poses? You know, the looking at the wristwatch pose, the pointing into the distance pose? I'd definitely have a copy of that.

Luka said...

Having My Cake - oh, making lists is a valid pastime and we all need them. My phobia would only kick in if you went on to blog your list of chores and I then had to wade through comments saying "Wow! I have to clean my toilet too! It's like you're inside my head or something."

Lady in red said...

at first I though you had seen my list on kindred that I posted (my first ever bullet point list) of what I learnt from my spanking. But then reality kicked in and I remembered you wouldn't have read it. so it must be my various posts listing my lovers all 53754 of them I guess you would be bored I will stop doing that from now on, god now Im so tired from listing them I dont ahve the energy to fuck them ;-(

Anonymous Boxer said...

You.Crack.Me.Up.

The Man With Secrets said...

Bittersweet: Don't even think it. I am not a number. I am a free man. Etc.

Freddy said...

Don't you think that every once in a while someone blogs a list that has some merit?
The ranking of significant 1980's bands for instance. Were Bucks Fizz more important musically than kajagoogoo? Was 'Every little thing she does' more of a musical progression than say, 'Under Pressure'.
Or maybe a list of sexual positions. A serial list, with photographs or illustrations. A list that says, 'Look at us - we may not be young, but we know lots about sex and can get it in from lots of angles'.
Either of them do it for you?
I know which might work for me.

Luka said...

Lady in Red - I am always amazed prolific sex bloggers find any time at all for the actual sex.

Anonymous Boxer - That's. My. Job.

Freddy - No.

Jackie Adshead said...

So........are you listing to one side now Luka?

Lady in red said...

oh now Luka I am sure you will agree that no amount of sex blogging can come near the satisfaction of having actual sex.

Luka said...

Jackie - markedly.

Lady in Red - absolutely.

bittersweet me said...

lol LiR, but i read some blogs and wonder which is the motivation - the sex or the blogging.

promoteyourblogforfree said...

nice blog

Lady in red said...

bittersweet I could have the sex without the blogging but without the sex what would the blogging be?

Luka said...

*sits on hands*

Angela-la-la said...

Without the sex the blogging would be just like mine!

bittersweet me said...

luka - please sit on my hands too x

Amy said...

1. Luka (so you'd be interested in the list)
2. This post made me laugh.
3. I am completely addicted to making lists, but NOT of ex-lovers or "positions to try" etc.
4. No, my lists are always "shit I've gotta get done if I want to keep my job/keep the utilities going/keep my kids fed". Nothing worth sharing on a blog.

Luka said...

Me - warm them first, this time!

Amy - ooh, good start, you've hooked me! :)