Friday, 24 August 2007

It's Not Big and It's Not Clever

I have been - indirectly - accused of having a childish blog. I don't know why it was an indirect accusation as I am quite happy to be named and, presumably, shamed.

The question is, when you have a tiny little blog, like the Boudoir, with a small, yet select, number of regular readers, can you really have that much of a detrimental effect on a Goliath of a blog, with thousands of readers who will return and enjoy regardless of what I may or may not post on here?

Does it really have that much of an impact?

I began the Boudoir because I was unable to post my opinions freely on certain blogs. I discovered that if you held an opinion contrary to that of the author, if it didn't perpetuate the myth, if it pricked the fantasy bubble, it would be deleted. That frustrated me a great deal. Still, I was informed, their gaff, their rules.

So I decided to open my own gaff, where I could post as I chose, say what I liked and no-one could delete me. It has been more popular than I thought it would be. I think I sometimes say what others are thinking but feel unable to post for fear of finding themselves outside the inner circle. You can only post comments that support and agree on most blogs. Debate is something which simply never happens. I don't believe that's healthy.

I am more than happy to argue my case with anyone. The situation now is much as it was at the genesis of the Boudoir, with certain parties rending their garments and wailing "not fair! Luka is a big bully!"

No, Luka is not a bully. And nor are her commenters. There is such a thing as Free Speech (you may have heard of it). If someone does something that seems silly, anyone of us is at liberty to say "that was silly and made me laugh." If you post in the public domain, if you harbour dreams of one day being A Real Writer, then you'd better get used to a few dissenting opinions, and fast. I am a pussycat compared to Real Life, believe me.

I will tell it like it is. I will happily hold my hand up and confess my sins. I would welcome a debate, a discourse on the rights and wrongs of lampooning sex bloggers. The truth is, those who bleat the most, will also never, ever take me on in a reasoned, fair argument. They would argue it is because I am far too childish, too babyish, to bother with. I would argue it's because I would run rings around them and still have time for a couple of nob jokes.

Still, here I am. I am waiting for that intelligent debate. Would anyone care to tell me why it is wrong to poke fun at some people, but not others? What is the difference between lampooning the practice of figging (and it was the practice, not the person, you'll note), and, say, lampooning the entire male population, just as an example? I am most interested in the frank and honest exchange of opinions on this one.


Amy said...

*deletes the childish blog*

Sorry, I'm no help. I love your blog, don't think you are a bully, and agree that we need to be able to laugh at ourselves.

Carry on.

(PS Please stop talking about figging. Richard reads your blog more than any other and I really don't want him getting hideous ideas.)

Luka said...

Thank you, Amy, I am grateful for your opinion on this.

I don't think I am a bully either, but it is nice to have that confirmed.

I shall indeed carry on. But no more figging talk, you'll be relieved to hear!


Hazel said...

Hi, I got here via a link from Lady In Red's blog - you commented about being accused of bullying...anyway, I have just read some of your posts and I'm roaring with laughter. I have NO friggin' idea, at the moment, whether you are a bully or not (I can't find anything so far that would make you so, from what I've read).....I just find you very witty. Love the HMT and Shitism posts. Brilliant stuff.

Jackie Adshead said...

Why is it that people attack when they don't understand someone eles's clever humour? I would far rather read your wickedly hilarious and deliciously clever wit than a thousand other blogs on a myriad of subjects! I hope you keep on for ever Luka, the world needs people like you to lampoon the foolish.

Luka said...

Hello Hazel, welcome to the Boudoir! I'm glad my efforts have made you laugh, that's always my intention. It's not designed to hurt, I am all about the humour. Thanks for your reassuring words!

Luka said...

Jackie - it is easier to attack than it is to understand. What is so disturbing is that the attack isn't even directed where it belongs, at me, but at an entirely innocent third party, who is being virtually thrashed just for being a friend of mine! Thank you so much for your kind words - they mean more to me than I can let on and still retain my hard as nails image. :)

bittersweet me said...

There is a great deal of bullying around - behind the scenes, with friends being bashed for playing with 'the wrong sort'.

What is wonderful about BWB is you say what you see - with wit, humour and intelligence, unlike anything i have seen on the www, and in the open, for all to comment on freely, without hiding behind emotional blackmail.

long live the BWB

Luka said...

Me - it is shocking what goes on behind the scenes, I agree. How anyone can accuse me of being childish and then demand that any friend of theirs is not allowed to be a friend of mine, without spotting the inherent injustice and irony of the situation, is beyond me.

And, yes, I prefer to brawl in the street, openly, where anyone can get in a free kick or two.

Thank you, Me, your comment is very much appreciated.


Ms Robinson said...

Luka, I too am amazed at how people seem to think that blogging has to be a love-in. The fact is that certain blogs do set themselves up to be lampooned but, interestingly, the owners of those blogs do not like dissent, only people who suck up to them. So then people like us take them on. If they allowed dissent it might all get more interesting.

Anyway the great thing is that if you polarise people you generally get clever readers. And that, to me, is much more fun. I look at my readers and think, "yeah if we met we'd have some intelligent debates."

Luka said...

Ms R - I believe you and I have had similar experiences in the commenting department.

I would love to have a proper exchange with those who complain about my posts. The problem is they refuse to address me directly, which means nothing can be done to make them feel any better. I think this is preferable to them as then they can nurture their grievance until the air is thick with the smoke of burning martyrdom.

I quite agree about the inbuilt quality control aspect of the non-fluffy blog.

having my cake said...

I really enjoy you and your blog, Luka, and the truth is that I did laugh at your posts on the subject but I also felt sorry for the person concerned because I like her and her blog too.

Maybe the answer is to spread the barbs around a bit more so that the concentration is a little more diluted...?

Im certainly not going to go all Thumper's Mother on you and say 'If you cant say sumfink nice, then dont say nuffink at all' because, providing it's done without malice, this sort of criticism allows the blogger to have a laugh at their own expense. However, if it deteriorates into nastiness rather than comedy, that's when things start to get ugly... and that perception has a very fine line - particularly when you're on the receiving end and someone is dissing your output over which you feel as protective as if it were your own child.

Awaits the next Boudoir on Fondant Fancy Finger Fetishes... :)

Luka said...

Having My Cake - yes, it is a very fine line. Sigh. In general I do try to spread the load, as it were. This week, however, my doors were blown off my the discovery of a new practice I hadn't heard of before. That's rare. The novelty delighted me, and I found it hard to leave it alone. It is a great pity that it was taken to be aimed at an individual rather than the practice itself, but I can see how and why that happened.

I shall move my focus away and look more intently at the rest of you now....

Luka said...

That should read "by the discovery of..." above, not "my", by the way.

Ms Robinson said...

I don't think it's a problem Luka and as long as you can take the criticism - which you can - why worry? Some people set up their blogs to be loved, others do it because they have something to say. Me, I reckon if something starts to sound too ridiculous, intellectually flawed or just far too narcissistic, then I will go for it as I did with Girl with a one dimensional mind. In a sense I was spurred on because the subject cannot laugh at themselves. Blogs are public and you need to treat them in the same way as you would if you were having a discussion in a wine bar, cafe or whatever. Would you say what you said? Would you be able to cope with what others said back. It's like email but a million times worse.

People forget that once on the internet, forever on the internet.

bittersweet me said...

I have no doubt that Luka can take - indeed, welcomes - other opinions and complaints, but what is saddening is that someone else is getting the grief, and not here at BWB where discussions can be open.

I have been the subject of ridicule in private forums - it is upsetting, but what else can you do but take it on the chin (or arse in my case) and just be sure that what appears on your blog is what you believe in. If people choose to laugh - let them.

Being considered unintelligent for holding an opinion merely reflects the ignorance back on to the accuser.

Anonymous said...

I have a history on the Internet that goes back some 6 or 7 years so I know my way around the block. I've been reading blogs for about 3 or 4 years and like some and follow them keenly.

In looking through other people's blogs, I'm often surprised at the level of vitriol leveled at the things people write and have had many thoughts about this over the years.

It seems that whatever you do on here, no matter how small or large your profile, someone feels its ok to come along and piss on your strawberries. Because readers, its in the public domain.

Me ?......I think its ok too. Have a go here, have a go there. I usually work from the principle those who live by the sword, die from it sometimes.

I think also, however, that sometimes a degree of sensitivity is called for.

There are spits and spats everywhere you look in the world of blogs.

But, and here's a thing, I never realised the sex blog industry could have such tension within its ranks.

I know none of the people concerned here..... but goodness they are at it.......arn't they ?

Luka asks in her responses for people to give her reasoned debate. She is "keen to argue her case with anyone"

"Well Luka, reasoned debate from an old bear comes hard." I tend to fall into the category of person (these days) that sticks to the maxim of "Fit in, or Fuck off"

Your "ginger" piece is funny, irreverent and interesting. And your triumphal crowing in seeking out a seemingly hapless person who is (maybe) less sophisticated, more loving and less acerbic than yourself is both unkind and thoughtless.

Your words could indeed be thought of as bullying.

Creating changes in ourselves is really hard but one thing I know for sure, Thumper's mum was mostly right when she said what she did.

Best to mostly be nice in my opinion and pick your targets.

Defensive responses merely seek to confirm your role as someone who may indeed have A Levels in insensitivity, Thatcharism and general all-around nastiness.

This tough little statement

"If you post in the public domain, if you harbour dreams of one day being A Real Writer, then you'd better get used to a few dissenting opinions, and fast. I am a pussycat compared to Real Life, believe me"

............ is nothing short of girly silliness.

I particularly disliked the "and fast".....very tough indeed and the sharpist of wit shown in a satirist of such distinction.

Maybe time to think again girl cus its love that makes the world go around mostly and there's a distinct lack of it coming from your direction.

Balance is everything. Trust me on it.

The Bear

Ms Robinson said...

Oh I don't consider anyone unintelligent for holding an opinion; it is their refusal to defend it and to silence any dissent to it that I consider unintelligent. That's what the girl did: she did not let me post "you infer that all the men fancy you all of the time?" which she did and continues to do. Sorry but I find that ludicrous. She banned me. That is unintelligent because then people will go for you.

Ms Robinson said...

PS: Anonymous: I think 'fit in or fuck off' is very ignorant indeed. Society needs its thinkers and critics (I'm not talking specifically about Luka's posts now). Oh I get it, you want a world where we all pat each other on the back and say how good we are.

Maybe it's because I've always had my work criticised as a writer but if you write you have to expect it.

bittersweet me said...

Bear - lol at the comment of surprise that there appears to be spats in the sex blog world .. we are talking SEX after all.

'nice' has to the weakest, most pallid word in the english language. Thank goodness there is passion and belief too.

MsR - sorry, didn't mean to infer remark to you. I should have been clearer. I believe Lir suggests that commentors (ie me, among others) are unintelligent for commenting on this blog. Did i get that wrong?

Luka said...

Ms Robinson - good analogy. It is a bit like being in a bar - you can't always choose who you find yourself next to and you run the risk of people overhearing your opinions as you spout forth. Unlike a bar you - sadly - can't buy anyone a drink to make it all better.

Me - that is the saddest part and the only aspect I actually regret.

Anonymous The Bear - Ah, insults and a bit of an argument! Hooray! 6 or 7 years online, eh? Wow. I have almost a decade on you. I was posting on bulletin boards back in the days of Fidonet. The personality clashes and histrionics are all much as they have ever been.

I'm not sure the sex blog world is an industry, as such, but, yes, of course it is prone to the same tensions as anything else that involves people.

""Well Luka, reasoned debate from an old bear comes hard.""

I am glad you pointed that out, otherwise I would have missed how very hard you are entirely.

"Fit in, or Fuck off" isn't really much of a debate though, is it?

"And your triumphal crowing in seeking out a seemingly hapless person who is (maybe) less sophisticated, more loving and less acerbic than yourself is both unkind and thoughtless. "

I am genuinely mystified as to who or what you are talking about here.

While Thumper's Mum is widely acknowledged as the guiding light we should all be led by in life, I do think it's worth remembering she is just a cartoon rabbit with little to no knowledge of internet etiquette.

It is *sometimes* best to be nice, it is sometimes better to be honest. Sometimes it is only possible to know the difference with hindsight.

Did you mean pick your targtets with care? As targets are, by definition, selected.

Yes, and I probably have a degree in being Really Really Horrible, too.

Well, of course "girly silliness" would have been because I was on the blob and dropped my favourite dolly.

Why on earth would you come here and expect to feel the warmth of my love radiating outwards upon you? Did you see a banner at the top of my blog that said "Luka's Love In"? No. It said quite the opposite, didn't it? Do you rent horror DVDs and then wail "but where was the love in that"?

Amy said...

Wow, what a tempest in a teapot.

I really have no clue about what's going on. I didn't actually realize that you were targeting a particular blog. Probably 99% of the people who read the blog didn't either, just the few that read a lot of sex blogs and have been tracking posts. The few that are worked up about all this should think about that and put it into perspective.

So, seriously, no more joking around, here's my advice.

1. Ignore people who post critically and anonymously, because cowards don't contribute.

2. If you feel bad that you maybe focused on one blog/blogger too much, just send them a private email and say that.

3. Keep poking fun at all of us. It's good for us. and it's your special talent (one of many, I'm sure).

Anonymous Boxer said...

Jeez, I come here for the larffs, what's up people? You are a professed cynic and your posts are F.U.N.N.Y.

Me thinks the others are jealous.

Carry on Luka, I heart you.

Luka said...

Amy - well, I don't target one particular blog as a rule. I share the wealth. It was just unfortunate that my excitement over figging meant a 3 post spectacular which - would you believe it - was then read by the person who inspired it. They didn't think my jar of Lazy Ginger and turquoise knickers were funny.

But, yes, you're quite right. The majority of people don't have a clue what I am banging on about and only vcatch on when somebody blunders in shouting "Stop humiliating Mystery Person X over there at!"

Luka said...

Anonymous Boxer - I heart you too, my lovely!

Back to the fun and frolics tomorrow, I promise.


Ms Robinson said...

Good points Amy. And in my case I decided not to bother with commenting on the Girl anymore even though her latest post could be completely trashed if I wished. If someone is not at your level, it's not worth it.

Freddy said...

Sadly there just isn't time
To do justice to a reply in rhyme
If I'd come up with a rhyme for figging
Other than somtehing like jigging
I might have had a play
I'll just say...

Luka - don't you ever change!
I'm counting on you to puncture my ego if ever I allow it to become dangerously over-inflated.

Oh and Anonymous Bear 'fit in or fuck off'??? Well a quote from the book of stand-ups one line responses to hecklers comes to mind...
"shut the f*** up you mo***rf***er"

Luka said...

Freddy - it's unlikely I'll ever change enough to not give you a smack when you're naughty.

Sulpicia said...

Who knew? I noticed all the figging going round and was absolutely baffled. Had no clue what the fuck it was – even though it was described in quite a bit of detail. But that it had a name!

NOTE TO SELF: Next time a sex practice foreign to you pops up in blogs, head directly to Luka’s for information and laughs. She’s so… b… b... barbed.

It’s too bad acrimony arose. That’s unfortunate, I guess. Love makes the world go round, maybe… but laughter makes it spin. (Tried to come up with something worthy… like Luka/luba… alas, it’s not happening.)

Luka said...

Quite so, Suplicia! A bit of levity is necessary sometimes.

Yes, it was a great pity about the bullying accusations. Still, it did spark some interesting conversations, both public and private.