Monday, 27 August 2007

Back to School Challenge

Here is my composition for the delightful Ms Robinson's challenge, the details of which can be found here.

The Postman Always Knocks At No. 5

“I think this is yours,” I say with a smile
Handing over the brown cardboard box
“He brought it to me, though it says 'No. 3',
When nobody answered his knocks.”

“Have you opened this? Have you had a look?”
He examines the box for a sign.
“Because if you did, if you lifted the lid
Whatever you saw is not mine.”

“Well, really. I’m hurt. As if I would look.
You should know that I really don’t care
It means nothing to me, and I didn’t see
Your dildo and lace underwear.”

“They really aren’t mine, you nosy old cow!
These are items I’m hoping to sell.
It’s just a figurine, it’s nothing obscene,
And fabric to package it well.”

“I don’t give a stuff if you wear a bra,
With your 'figurine' stuck up your arse.
I know you obsess about wearing a dress
I see you at night through the glass.”

“My windows? Well, yes, you looked through my box
The word “private” means nothing to you.
You should get your own life, stop looking for strife
And get your own parcels to view.”

“Next time I’m asked if I’ll sign for your post
As it’s too big for your letter box,
I will tell him no way, just take it away.
Go pick up your own cocks and frocks.”


n said...

Brilliant, only one problem if you are a northener like me, 'arse' doesn't rhyme with 'glass' unless you are pretending to be posh or southern. xx

Freddy said...

Oh how I laughed at this
till I remembered what was wrapped in pink tissue in the last package delivered to my office...

(turns out I'm not a real northerner btw - I rhymed arse and glass without a care in the world)

Jackie Adshead said...

Lovely!! (I'm not technically a northerner but glass and arse don't rhyme for me either!)

Jackie Adshead said...

Lovely!! (I'm not technically a northerner but glass and arse don't rhyme for me either!)

Luka said...

N - I guess that means I have revealed myself as a soft southerner then!

Freddy - I am looking forward to reading more about your package.

Luka said...

Jackie - the trick is to assume I am reciting in my best BBC World Service voice.

Anonymous Boxer said...

Oh you are a talented one, Luka! I love it.

Jackie Adshead said...

..... "Your best BBC World Service voice"?? But Luka, I thought that was your ONLY voice!

having my cake said...

It's only my very recent exposure to the Midlands dialect that made me falter over glass and arse! They are corrupting me... Loved the whole premise of the poem :) It always worries me that they will deliver to the wrong place when I order stuff from those sort of emporia. That's why I get it sent to Ruf's now. He's so much thicker skinned...

Ms Robinson said...

I love this stylish, jaunty effort. I dub you Bardette of The Blog.x

moi said...

Jaunty is right. As is: too freakin' funny. Congrats!

bittersweet me said...

hilarious, clever ... such entertainment, luka, from prose. You are an education. Congratulations!

Luka said...

Anonymous Boxer - takes one to know one.

Jackie, it's true, I do talk posh.

Having My Cake - it's a common concern, hence the inspiration for the poem.

Ms R - thanks, I have always fancied being dubbed.

Hello, Moi, thanks and welcome aboard the Boudoir.

Me - I am glad it did the trick. Thanks!

Sulpicia said...

As a Canadian, every time I read the British "arse" I just pronounce it "ass." Didn't even phase me.

You make me laugh every time I visit, woman. Thank you.

Luka said...

Hello, Sulpicia, and welcome aboard the good ship Boudoir!

Thank you, I'm glad I'm making you laugh!

Anonymous said...

is porn the only winner during credit crunch?

Anonymous said...

crazy idea i know but how do u think credit cruch affected porn?