Tuesday, 3 July 2007

FAQ #1

So, Luka, why are you such a grumpy old ratbag anyway?

Fuck off.

No, really. It's very easy to mock the efforts of others whilst posting absolute bollocks yourself.

Well, yes, it is. Taking the piss fits conveniently into my busy schedule. And there is always a wealth of new material to work with.

Is it because you're not getting laid yourself?

Well, obviously I can understand how some might want to imagine that intense sexual frustration must be the only possible reason for my not joining the crowd commenting "oh wow, that was so beautiful and evocative" on their latest post about being taken up the arse by some hairy limbed soap dodger, but no.

Why, then?

Because I sometimes feel like I've stumbled into a room full of bare arsed Emporers. They are all in their tight little groups and the air is full of exclamations:

"Your clothes are amazing!"

"No, your clothes are amazing!"

"Your clothes are so beautiful and evocative!"

"Yours are just lovely!"

Then they all vote on who has the best outfit of all and spend the rest of the day passing the award from one side of the tiny room to the other.

And I stand there in bewilderment, listening to all this self-congratulatory, incestuous nonsense and I just want to stand on a chair and shout "You're all fucking naked!"


The Man With Secrets said...

This week, I am mostly wearing Oatabix.

Luka said...

Is that what the cool kids are wearing these days?

Anonymous said...

Duh! Of course everyone is naked! And they are all admiring how much more naked everyone else can get. It's like being in a faceless nudist camp of egos.

Luka said...

That explains the endless volleyball at least...