Thursday, 19 July 2007

Bad Text Sex

>Are you touching yourself?

>Oh yes.

>Where?

>In the car park at Asda.

>Are you wet?

>Yes, it's raining.

>What are you wearing?

>High heeled shoes, seamed stockings, a tight black pencil skirt and a fitted blouse, buttons undone to show just a hint of the lacy basque I have underneath. And a thong.

>Really?

>No, not really.

19 comments:

Z said...

Sounds completely realistic to me. I always tell people I'm in my winceyette nightie with my rollers in and my face slathered in face cream, with my bunny slippers on my feet, and they still persist in thinking I'm really sitting up in bed fully coiffed in a red velvet bustier.

I don't ask those kinds of questions just in case I get the truth.

Ms Robinson said...

Ha ha. Short and sweet.

Luka said...

Z - the bunny slippers are doing it for me. Yes, there is quite a gulf between reality and imagination in any saucy text/chat scenario.

Ms R - I can do it when I try.

Ms Robinson said...

Oh I think your observations are funny, very cleverly distracted. Your musings are very much those of a stand up comic.

I actually (seriously) think your poems could be a fine little volume..kind of modern day odes for women everywhere.

Z said...

Seriously, the bunny slippers do it for an alarming amount of people. I'm thinking they could be bigger than arses as the latest way to increase traffic.

Freddy said...

bunny slippers? mmm can I touch?

The Man With Secrets said...

No Freddy. You can't.

Luka said...

Ms R - Thank you. Muchly.

Z - try it as a social experiment. Or combine the two for mega traffic - a post with pics of a bunny-slipper spanking! Phwoar!

Freddy - depends on the context. In the shoe shop, yes. On your own feet, yes, probably, assuming you can bend and touch your toes. In this virtual world of abstracts and cyber nonsense, I would say you are free to imagine what you like but be alert for territorial markings and warning growls from anyone who thinks you may slip down teh interwebs wires and cock your leg up their property.

Man - Easy now, or its rolled up newspaper time! Piddling all over the bunny slippers is *bad*!

EmmaK said...

I would have said, "I'm in the car park, masturbating with a warm sausage roll." That would have got his juices flowing ;) I'm gonna link you darlin.

Freddy said...

Freddy - On your own feet, yes, probably, assuming you can bend and touch your toes.......

how VERY dare you!

as for people widdling up my leg in a territorial fashion

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

me said...

what are these bunny slippers? is it code? are they really pink fluffy shoes with floppy ears?

Luka said...

EmmaK - hell, that's got *my* juices flowing....warm sausage roll...mmmmm. Thanks for the link!

Freddy - I am sure you are very flexible and did not mean to imply otherwise! As for the widdling, it's as good an excuse as any to put rubber trousers on....

Me - yes, pretty much!

Anonymous Boxer said...

You. Crack. Me. Up.

Luka said...

Anonymous Boxer - I. Thank. You.

having my cake said...

My slippers are fluffy but mauve. With my rabbit experience, I wont be wearing anything with bunny ears!

Luka said...

Having My Cake - fluffy and mauve you say? Mmmm....yes, that still does it for me.

logodisiac said...

The car park at Asda, very droll; the word sounds so dull, so non-pencil skirty, great. And is her pencil skirt propelling? H, HB or B?

Midnight said...

What a pretty picture you paint with your words.

I imagine you could get a second career on sex phone lines if you could keep a straight face long enough for the punters to climax.

Luka said...

Hello, Logodisiac - it is a pencil skirt without a point.

Hello, Midnight - I am sure there's a market somewhere for my line of sex talk.