Monday, 23 July 2007

Animal Lover


I don't get off on frotting myself against the faces of small animals. I can see a fluffy bunny or a dolphin and feel no urge at all to shove its visage into my groin. This is great, as I can happily visit pet shops or the Sea Life Centre with no fear of social embarrassment.

So why do the manufacturers of sex toys feel that an animalistic theme is the optimum design for a vibrator? Maybe the designers have had particularly odd experiences with the women in their life. Maybe they came in, sat down at the drawing board and came up with a couple of designs. A tough choice had to be made. Dick,
or Disney? "You know," muses the designer, "before they locked her up, my missus really got off on sea mammals. And rodents. Loved 'em. This is definitely What Women Want."

But I don't. I don't want my sex toys to have faces. Not the ones made of silicone anyway.




13 comments:

EmmaK said...

You are absolutely right. Who wants to jill off with a dolphin grinning at you inanely? What about some fruit or vegetable themed sex toys? We've all reached into the veg drawer for a courgette as a last resort, haven't we (maybe that's just me) but why not have some toys in the shape of aubergines, (small) pineapples, bananas (I know, obvious) or what about asparagus tips??

Z said...

I so want to do that dolphin it's not funny.

Freddy said...

there was a time, when I was innocent, when I thought all those tales of vegetable abuse were fantasy...

having my cake said...

Hear hear! I remember seeing my first dolphin-shaped sex toy on a trip to Ann Summers and being horrified. It would be like face fucking Flipper! Ok, ok, you lot are probably too young to remember Flipper but I was quite traumatised by the concept. As to vegetable abuse, dont get me started on the cucumber that snapped in half inside me as I went into Corporal Jones mode frantically whispering 'Dont panic, dont panic' to myself!

Luka said...

EmmaK - I am sure there may be some who get off on sweet dolphin lurve, but to assume this is a widespread preference is bizarre. I await, with great interest and some trepidation, the fruit 'n' veg line of sex toys, ranging from courgette to cucumber to novelty-value-only-marrow. Vibrating love plums - that's where it's at.

Z - throw him a fish and he might let you.

Freddy - was there ever, really, such a time?

Having my Cake - indeed. I have no desire to facefuck Flipper, neither do I wish to sex up Skippy the Bush Kangaroo or get licky with Lassie. Ah, yes, cucumbers are fickle lovers and tend to go their own way.

me said...

I find the idea of a carrot shape quite appealing.

vegetable abuse has long been a pleasure of mine ... i'm with emmak and the chilled courgette ;)

Luka said...

Me - I think you may have hit upon the best way to have your 5 portions a day.

Ms Robinson said...

See I think these toys are marketed at the kind of girl who still has soft toys in her boudoir. So, she can have her Pookie and shove it. Oh no I agree with Luka, this is too awful.

Ms Robinson said...

PS: Are you sure this is not a sex blog. I am confused now.

Luka said...

Ms Robinson - yes, I am of the opinion that these "cute" toys are made because of an outdated belief that women are unable to cope with raw sexual need and have to be "conned" into it with the use of clever disguises.

I don't know if this is a sex blog. It wasn't intended to be, in the widely accepted sense of the term. Sex does feature now and then. But it's not very erotic, let alone beautiful and evocative. It is a sex blog alternative, maybe.

Anonymous Boxer said...

I prefer my toys to be nameless/faceless, please.

Lady in red said...

having recenty got my first rbbit out of nescessity I am not over impressed that he has to be an animal at all.

I would much prefer my sex toys to be 6' man shaped and living, and whats more when they have finished they can go wash themselves!

Luka said...

Anonymous Boxer - gets my vote.

Lady in Red - exactly. Why can't it just be an abstract shape? Ah yes, the self cleansing option just can't be bettered.