Friday, 29 June 2007

Shitasm #1

Fri 29th Jun, 07

The shittest of this weeks blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Shitasm participants. Want in Shitasm #2? Submit a link to your shittest post of the week using comments box below. Participants, repost the shit list within a week, to the annoyance of anyone looking for something that doesn't appear as an identical feature on every adult themed shit blog, and you’re all set.

This Week's Picks

Soggy Biscuits
“'That's not buttercream you know', he smiled, lasciviously, through a mouthful of crumbs."

The Stained Gusset
“I knew this was it. This time I was sure to be discovered. Perhaps it was foolhardy to indulge my particular fetish in the underpants department of Marks and Spencer, but dammit, all that lycra content had got me so hot! And dribbly.”

My Rampant Real Life Reality It Really Happened Really Real Sexy Sex Encounter
“'Suck it Slut Queen,' he roared, waving his massive club of a penis in the air and spanking my inflamed buttocks with a copy of the Radio Times. ”


The wickedness is upon me.

I want to do satirical things but I don't want to poke anyone too hard with my pointy stick. Well, not anyone I care about, anyway.

Decisons, decisions....

Thursday, 28 June 2007

7 Things About Me That None Of Us Give a Fuck About

Because The Man was so butch, and put his hands on his hips and everything, I am going to do his, frankly stupid, meme thing.

1. These are not my shoes.

2. I have a fetish for having jam smeared over my naked body and then having slices of toast flung at me by men dressed as Mounties.

3. I keep the dessicated remains of my first hamster in a tiny box-coffin that I keep in my pocket as a conversation piece.

4. I once won first prize in the Cheese Marketing Board fancy dress competition. I went as Wensleydale.

5. I like to take photos of myself in just a snorkel and flippers and post them on seal sanctuary websites.

6. Once, after a particularly refreshing night out, I was abducted by small, furry aliens. They took me into their wooden, tree-like spaceship and offered me futuristic space food, very similar to nuts in appearance. When I woke up some time later, I was alone on a park bench and covered in acorns.

7. I find other people's memes as boring as other people's dreams. Or the Sugasm listings.

Wednesday, 27 June 2007


Friends are more important than lovers. It is not impossible to combine the two, but it is a rare blend.

I treasure my friendships. They are more important to me, say more about who I am, than any material status symbol. I don't care about flash cars, desirable residences or exotic holidays. I care about having people I love in my life. People who know me well enough to forgive my failings and to applaud my small acts of bravery. People who make me feel good about who I am and who make me smile whenever I think of them.

Friendships are often stronger and more enduring than sexual relationships.

Some lovers can feel threatened by pre-existing friendships.

For those individuals time will always prove them right.

Saturday, 23 June 2007

Better Above Than Below

It is so hard to think
With your arse in my face
I can feel my heart sink
When you want to change place
For you it’s divine
When we both sixty-nine
But it’s so hard to think
With your arse in my face

I just can’t concentrate
With your nuts in my eyes
What if I suffocate
As you fondle my thighs?
I should have said “Stop!
I think I’ll go on top"
I just can’t concentrate
With your nuts in my eyes.

I don’t know if I’ll cum
Looking up at your crack
Gazing up at your bum
And the hairs on your sac
My fantasy’s fled
Get the fuck off my head
Cos I don’t think I’ll cum
Looking up at your crack.

Friday, 22 June 2007

There is a reason vanilla is popular.

One of my many problems with the sex blog genre is the apparent need to have an edge. After all, how many different ways can one write about the basic sexual experience? There are only so many permutations out there, and, let's face it, we always know what the ending will be. It's not like there's going to be a sudden twist - "I clenched, gasped and totally didn't cum. Suddenly the zombies were resurrected and we swiftly had to build a fortress out of flat pack furniture from Ikea".

No. A newly fledged sex blog will use up its supply of good-sex-what-I-have-had material pretty quickly. Then it tends to turn introspective, with endless musings on morality and increasingly tedious navel gazing. Or perhaps it will cling to the passing flotsam of sex news - the latest toy, the newest gadget - to avoid drowning in the sea of competition. Another option is to attempt to be wilder than the opposition. More extreme sex, more lovers, more bondage, more spanking, more same sex fantasies, more in a bed, more nudie photos, more, more, more.

It is a great pity. I am a fan of the basics. I adore honesty in a piece of prose. It is so rare to find that in the world of the sex blog.

This is not a sex blog.